I have a confession to make. Raising non-white children in the whitest state in America is draining. I spent my first 13 years in Maine living in a town so utterly white that my dearly departed mother, who had a chance to visit Maine before her untimely death, referred to it as “Pleasantville” in reference to the film of the same name.
Two years ago when my marriage ended, I relocated to our bustling metropolis (granted, not a metropolis by the standards of most other states, but our most populous and vibrant city nonetheless, and a pretty cool one). Portland is touted as Maine’s most diverse city. Portland public schools are held up for their diversity and the many languages spoken in their schools. On the surface, it does look different from most of Maine. But the truth is that it is an illusion. It’s not real. It’s not real at all and the truth is I am tired of it.
I typically steer clear of discussing my children in this space but today I am going to break my rule because what we are facing is larger than being Black in Maine. It’s what life is like in any racially homogeneous space that is dominated by whiteness. It’s how we can lose our sense of self if we are not vigilant.
Last year, my daughter started middle school. Her school is known nationally for their style of teaching, and it is considered by some to be a good school. However, from the time mini-me entered middle school, our experience has been nothing but lackluster. Not even a week into middle school, my daughter pointed out that all her teachers are white and that the Black kids are Black immigrants from various countries who rarely interact with others groups…including Black kids like her. (My kids are biracial but identify as Black and, honestly, even if they didn’t most of the rest of society would).
A visit to any of the school-related events confirmed what my daughter was seeing: white people running the show and even at the parent level, parents tended to stay grouped together based on race/skin color. Most interaction along racial lines is superficial at best with the occasional interracial friends. Yet this school and most of the parents whose children attend it insist that the school is diverse.
Let me be upfront and just admit that I hate the word diversity; over the years, it has become the catch-all statement used to tokenize people of color. In predominantly white spaces, if we have a few flies in the buttermilk, we call it diverse but we don’t do the deeper work of dismantling whiteness or creating an anti-racist lens (or a truly inclusive and interactive space) because those efforts would require the deeper work of unearthing and restructuring. A commitment to “diversity” however allows us to do the work of adding color without really doing the work of changing anything.
Despite the reality of the “diversity” issue at the school, the co-parent and I were willing to keep the girl child in this school. However, as time went on, her enthusiasm for school waned and by this current school year, it reached code-red status. This isn’t typical tween ambivalence about school. This has become tears and angst in the weekday mornings, at night, fading Friday night and Saturday but beginning again by Sunday afternoon. Pretty much any mention of school was treated like a pending trip to the clink. Regardless of what was going on or which parent she was with, her feelings about school were loud and clear.
We reached our breaking point and brought the situation to the attention of the school, they were flabbergasted. The tween is a stellar student, never gets in trouble and is polite. I won’t bore you with the details but I hit the wall after meeting with all of the kiddo’s teachers and the principal and the tired diversity line being trotted out. As I said in that meeting, I am a Black mother sitting in a room full of white people in charge. I don’t see diversity, I see white people in charge. I am paraphrasing but you get the point.
The thing is, this isn’t just my daughter’s school. This is about how organizations and institutions in Maine and most white spaces approach people of color. POC are recruited or brought in and, in most instances, they won’t be there in a few years. At one point, Portland had a Black police chief and a Black school superintendent. Neither one stayed longer than three or four years if memory serves correct. In my 15 years in Maine, I have known more than a few talented POC who moved to Maine, only to pull up stakes after a few years. Are people using Maine as a stepping stone to greener pastures? Possibly, but my gut says that it is tiring being one of the only ones. It is tiring never fully relaxing, it is tiring always being on guard. I can mostly say that feeling is what led me to take a job out-of-state.
The goal should never be diversity and tolerance, that is simply not good enough. Just having a mix of people (diversity) doesn’t mean anything fundamentally changes. And tolerance is terrible; I tolerate my annual mammogram but I certain don’t like or look forward to it. Organizations should be dedicated to creating a vision of wellness and an understanding that systemic racism is a barrier to that wellness. This barrier cannot be addressed or eliminated until a critical mass in any given system understands the systemic nature of racism and addresses it as a threat to the health of all members of the system. Any systemic barrier must be addressed within four dimensions:
- internal: within the individual
- interpersonal: within relationships individuals have with each other
- institutional: within the organizations created to structure society
- cultural: within the values, norms, belief systems, behavioral patterns, etc. of groups of people
In other words, we need to be willing to examine our systems and make sure that we are creating spaces that are not upholding the status quo and thus perpetuating the type of harm that too often is a part of being the diversity.
No doubt my words are harsh but this space and my work puts me in contact with many POC throughout Maine and in other predominantly white spaces and the stories I am privy to are at times heartbreaking. They are also a reminder of how often white people don’t truly see POC as actual people. White people don’t see the real harm that is perpetuated onto POC—sometimes intentionally but sometimes out of sheer ignorance. Regardless, it’s not okay and organizations and schools need to do better.
As for my daughter, the odds are high that she may end up at a private school that, while not diverse, can at least meet her academic needs and is upfront about their diversity or lack thereof. At this point, honesty and intentionality are better than the superficial.
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Your words are not harsh. They are true, you have seen through to the root issue and I think you are a good mother for it. It requires a systemic change to fix, but removing your daughter from a place that’s not letting her thrive is the best thing any parent can do.
@ViolaHayhurst
The point is that Maine is not a nice place to raise children. It’s hurting the author’s child something awful, to not see that is another erasure of POC POV. I appreciate the other points in your comment, but that line was blind ignorance.
Oops – I said that “Maine was a nice place to raise children” and I stand by this especially within the Island communities close to Portland. Many families do sacrifice a great deal – especially financially to be able to raise their children in such communities — and as well within the greater Portland area. And as a born Mainer, little perceptive and gifted “Shay” is going to manage well in this environment– particularly in one of the area’s better private schools.
The 2010 Federal Census, documents that in the State of Maine “94.4% of the population was non-Hispanic White, 1.1% non-Hispanic Black or African American, 0.6% American Indian and Alaska Native, 1.0% Asian, 0.1% from some other race and 1.4% of two or more races. 1.3% of Maine’s population was of Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin.” Indeed Maine is very white… and the further up the coast one goes, the more that this is true. When living in Portland from 2009 – 2014, I met a number of brilliant and very skilled professional POC— as Shay mentions, a Chief of Police , a Portland Public School Sup. and as well an excellent City Manager, talented artists, etc. so the issue is not recruitment but in retention. While Maine is a nice state to raise children it is however a difficult state in the realm of public management . Change simply does not occur here and is countered at every chance by those that like it just like it is — warts and all . So unless a POC either establishes a family here or as it more usual has deep family roots —they are going to split — simply because their talents are wasted here ! So the Chief of Police , Portland Public School Sup. and as well an excellent City Manager left for better pastures. The fact that the so gracious and talented lady City Manager found herself caught in the middle of a “chicken shit fight” did not help matters !
I’m a white lady, but I used to homeschool in Southern Maine. It’s still a lot of white folks and not a lot of POC, but at least you can pick and choose who you hang out with, and you can pick your influences and your curriculum to avoid racist history and promote a healthy self-image for your kid. There are some POC who specifically homeschool to avoid racism in the schools and give their kids a more culturally affirming start in life. If this path is of interest to you, shoot me an email, and I’ll get you in touch with the folks I know who have kids in the right age group and/or are POC. Good luck no matter what you choose. Thank you for being such a wonderful teacher.
My little Midwestern city sounds like it may have similar demographics as yours (88% white, 5% Asian, <3% African American, <3% Hispanic). Our kids are in the most progressive, democratic, parent-involved school here, which is deliberately doing it's best to hire good teachers of color. We can't find them, at least not in our price range. As you're experiencing, its so hard to live in a constant minority status even in a hip little city like ours, so we haven't been able to attract the diverse staff we would love to have. We keep trying.
Talking about culture shock ! As a older white woman , I experienced this big time when I relocated from CT to Augusta MA in 2005. Not only was I surprised by the poverty around me but the whiteness as well . Shocked to learn that racism here is directed toward those with a French Canadian heritage. And the few people of color that I met were treated as just novelties . The real sadness is Mainers like it just like it is and there is no drive or even any desire for change !
It one of the reason I don’t live there anymore nor do I have desire to return (high school reunion, visiting old friends etc etc). I makes me wish I grew up in Portland or anywhere in the Casco Bay Area. Kennebec Valley is a rust belt that’s fallen since the 50’s through the 70’s when all the mills departed from that area and hasn’t recovered since. Although there are new stores like Target and Bestbuy (which we should’ve gotten in the 90’s) the damaged has already been done. Not surprised the region voted for Trump, a lot of my poor white classmates were rebellious and vicious so I can easily see them being Trump supporters as adults. There was never that sense of anti Franco-Americans though. It was always strange how my classmates were big admires of gangsta rappers like Dr. Dre, Busta Rhymes, Warren G and Snoop Dogg (despite barely meeting anyone who is black) and athletes like Shaq and Deon Sanders yet in turn they make various racist joke like how the African slave trade was funny and the reason why blacks were slave was because they were ugly and inferior. Ironic isn’t.
Private schools in Maine such as Kent’s Hill and Hebron tend to be more diverse (not sure about Gould however) than any public schools outside of Portland. But most are situated remote rural white areas that you have to go out of your ways to get there. Also, no offense, do you even ask your daughter if she has cultural shock? I went through it awkwardly back in the late 90’s when I transition from being a token minority and someone who stood out in Hall-Dale to suddenly seeing diversity when I attended Kent’s Hill.
It may not be perfect, but it’s miles, miles, miles (heck even ten times more miles) better than any Public Schools in the State Capital area (Augusta) such as Hall-Dale, Coney and Gardiner High which majority are poor xenophobic white students from poverty stricken families (low income housing, trailer parks) who have trouble deciding if they’re racist or not, zero ambition of wanting to do well in school and only join sports teams not for school pride/ spirit but to relieve themselves from their shitty life and status to bully people.
Hard stuff. I feel for you and your daughter. Can you think of any school that might be a model where school officials, school boards, parents, and teachers might get instruction for how to proceed at least *toward* real relationships among equals with awareness about whiteness and othering rather than mere diversity numbers? I can only imagine how “tiring” it is absent of that.
Thank you for this great post. I hear this all the time from POC. I do a lot of work with nonprofits and they always start by asking how they can find POC to hire. I heard a quote awhile back that is so spot on. First you have to hire better white people. That doesn’t really mean rehire a bunch of white people. But it does mean as white people we need to do the internal work first…or at least start doing it. Because diversity can be just tokenism. The POC hired aren’t going to last long as the micro aggressions (and worse) start to pile up. Anti-racism/anti-oppression work requires resources–time and money–or nothing is ever going to really change.
Not that much better in Boston Public Schools even though the denial is much stronger than that found in Portland. I so feel for your beautiful daughter and I agree – private school ! And we both know the one ! My understanding is that things there are a lot better since Rachel’s pioneering days ! By the way — you did not mention that Portland had an awesome leader in the Lady from Richmond, Virginia ! I think that Portland just catches such professionals off guard and this explains their moving on !
As far as I am concerned Boston is no better off and that ultimately is why I chose to commute to Boston.
Agree with you ! Boston’s problem is that it is sooooo in denial of what is really going on around here. Takes scandals such as the recent racism charges against Boston Latin to wake up the stakeholders here- at least for a while. By the way, your so wise and lovely daughter ( ironically as born in Maine, she is much more a Mainer that either of us from “away” shall ever be !) has picked up on the impact of the divisions even within the people of color living in New England. It is striking that those POC with an heritage from the American south are looked down or simply ignored by those newly arrived immigrants from either Africa or the West Indies. The groups share no real historical memory and the Islanders have little concept of what real racism does to the soul. In Hartford, CT, I was shocked to learn that if you are POC with southern roots, you are looked down by those POC from the West Indies . Hence the power and economic opportunities in Hartford are largely limited to Islanders, only. Associating with West Indian islanders here in Boston – it is unsettling to learn of the hatred that is directed against “black” Haitians living here. Where is such learning coming from ?
Off the press and a freebie, at that
http://apps.bostonglobe.com/spotlight/boston-racism-image-reality/series/image/
I actually feel like I am right back in Augusta with the “whiteness around me” but of course here on the Hill it is “very rich and proper whiteness ” !