For the last several years of my marriage, while we never doubted that there was love between us, we were uncomfortably aware that there was something deeply amiss in our relationship. We spent our last few years together doing everything in our power to keep the relationship going until it became painfully obvious that love was not enough and that, on many levels, we were deeply mismatched as a romantic unit. That revelation, while painful, allowed us to end our romantic coupling and transition into our coparenting relationship with little of the anger and animosity that is often present when couples split up. Despite our differences, my former life partner and coparent remains one of my favorite people. I find myself thinking about the end of that relationship and the clarity and strength it took for us to make that decision as I ponder the realities of raising a Black girl—now 13 years old—in a very white state. I must admit that I am wondering if raising Black children in such spaces is not borderline...
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For the last several years of my marriage, while we never doubted that there was love between us, we were uncomfortably aware that there was something deeply amiss in our relationship. We spent our last few years together doing everything in our power to keep the relationship going until it became painfully obvious that love was not enough and that, on many levels, we were deeply mismatched as a romantic unit. That revelation, while painful, allowed us to end our romantic coupling and transition into our coparenting relationship with little of the anger and animosity that is often present when couples split up. Despite our differences, my former life partner and coparent remains one of my favorite people. I find myself thinking about the end of that relationship and the clarity and strength it took for us to make that decision as I ponder the realities of raising a Black girl—now 13 years old—in a very white state. I must admit that I am wondering if raising Black children in such spaces is not borderline … Read more
What’s happening to truth in America? Let me tell you
The national conversation over impeachment is getting louder every day. The Mueller Report seems to have turned the volume all the way up to 11. The conservatives, of course, are against this, but so are some liberals. The liberal reason is a fear that an impeachment trial could rule the president not guilty, emboldening him … Read more
Good faith isn’t always enough to close the gap
My father had a saying: “You wanna talk to somebody, you gotta meet them where they are… But some muthafuckas are just too far away.” This saying applies to a lot of situations, but he would use it most often when it came to talking to white people about race. Talking to white people about … Read more
Let’s not forget that white children learn to be racist from their parents
Just like they are more likely to pass down wealth (property, money, etc.) to their kids, so too are white people more likely to pass down racism. The kids learn from the grown-ups, and that’s a fact even today, because plenty of racists have kids right now. And it’s why the pipedream of racism dying … Read more
Racial tensions and the Drag community
So just recently the Met Gala, also known as the Met Ball, took place. It is an annual for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute in New York City. Celebrities, writers, directors, rappers and other people of interest follow the theme that was set forth when choosing outfits, and this year … Read more
Invisibly disabled at the intersection of marginalized identities
I knew something was wrong long before I was diagnosed. I was gaining weight. I was reasonably active or at least maintaining a certain level of activeness. I was a healthy eater. I didn’t fry anything but an egg and rarely that. I didn’t eat canned foods. I made baked goods with almond meal and … Read more
White supremacy stays strong thanks to white liberals
Last week I had an exchange on Twitter that gave me a tiny glimpse into the disrespect and dismissal Black people face at every turn in our anti-Black country. It was infuriating and offensive. The white woman with strong ties to the establishment Democrats was rude and close-minded. Without calling her out directly, I’m going … Read more
Actions I take (as a white woman) to help dismantle white supremacy
[An evergreen reminder: I am a white woman writing about racism so I might share with other white people what I learn—mostly what I learn from people of color—so we can all work toward societal transformation, liberation.] “What actions do we take to help dismantle white supremacy?” I asked my nearly-10-year-old to help me brainstorm … Read more
Calling All White People, Part 33: Racism isn’t the white person’s call
(A periodic attempt to mobilize white people for something other than supporting just other melanin-deficient folks and maintaining a status quo of a nation geared toward whiteness as the baseline and the norm) By An Average White Guy TODAY’S EPISODE: Sorry, but white people don’t get to define what is racist [To find other … Read more
After the turning point, Part 1
Losing a friend because I was steeped in white supremacy (and didn’t even see it) was the beginning of my turning point in racial justice work; she showed me that my “writing for white people” in a newspaper, however good my intentions were, had the impact of harming people of color. Without realizing it, I … Read more
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