I love me!

I always used to wonder why once a person became middle aged they seemed to get all introspective and start going off in search of meaning for their life. You know the types, they start reading self improvement books, take up new hobbies, maybe even let loose old relationships, etc. Then a real funny thing happened to me, I became middle aged, funny because in this ever young society we are in no one wants to claim middle age or hell even old age. But in a country where life expectancy is 77.9 years, I am definitely in the middle thus I am middle aged and frankly I am cool with that!

Lately I have been feeling as if I have been on this path here at BGIM where I talk a great deal about personal development, it most certainly has not been intentional but really is a result of some internal changes I have been making. To be honest I got tired of not being comfortable in my skin, tired of feeling as if I am not quite the woman I can be….it’s a process and I still have a long way to go. Yet it’s not about the end destination, it’s about the journey and as we all know journeys have a way of taking on a life of their own.

This brings me to a quote I stumbled on this morning by Alice Walker “No person is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow.” Get the fuck out of my head is pretty much what I thought when I read this quote. No. Seriously this quote summed up in one perfect sentence what I have been dealing with personally and even professionally.

It seems when we set our hearts and minds on growth, we can expect that others may not be as excited about our changes, I know change is hard, believe me I know. For me the area that I have had to just draw that line in the sand is around boundaries. I am a recovering people pleaser; I suspect this trait is one of the legacies of having been spanked as a kid. I learned early on that being a yes girl meant not getting in trouble, yet being a yes girl meant I didn’t cause any trouble but it also meant I was scared to be me, or to explore me. In seeking to please others, I had no idea how to please me, and in recent years that full time gig of people pleaser just became too hard to bear. So now I draw lines in the sand and lately I have been dealing with the fallout and folks realize BGIM is no longer the first person to say yes, I won’t sacrifice me time and while I will always be willing to compromise, compromise must be a two way street.

Turns out it feels a little lonely at times when walking your own path designed by yourself and lived by your own standards, but it feels oh so good. I have simply learned that those who stand in the way; can’t support the change or who seek to make me doubt myself are simply not my friends no matter what they say. The great thing though about being middle aged is I love me enough that I will not compromise and while I am not always happy to be alone, I can live with it because I love me!

To Bald or not to Bald

This is mature subject matter, its highly advised if you are related to me that you skip reading today’s post since you really don’t need to know everything about your mother, sister, etc…for everyone else, read away!

I almost hesitate to write this post but I can’t help thinking I can’t be the only one in this boat and as always it’s my duty to keep it real here. So what are we talking about? Ladies (and gents) we are talking hair and for once I don’t mean the stuff on ya head, I am talking going south to the va-jay-jay as Ms. Oprah calls it, yep I am talking hair down there!

Let me just get real with y’all, I am a kind of natural chick when it comes to that sacred area, oh its not the damn North Woods (come now) but my personal grooming of that particular area has always been pretty much make sure nothing is sticking out of the undies and make sure there isn’t an Afro rising up. Oh I tried to get super low once but having used the Spousal Unit’s trimmers for that shit all I ended up doing was creating a situation where I spent at least 3-4 days afterward walking around desperately scratching at my girl when no one was looking. I pretty much decided at that point fuck all that extra curriculum grooming, I mean shit its no longer a bikini wax, fuck we got Brazilians. Sphinx’s, etc its just too damn much for ya girl.

That was until recently when my Maine BFF, who is going through a divorce and a die hard feminist in her 40’s told me she decided to get a Brazilian and that basically pain aside she of the North Woods was never ever going back to the woods again! You gotta know my girl to understand this and she reads here so I say this with love, but in 5 years of friendship I have only seen her in a dress/skirt maybe once. She rarely wears makeup…its just not her thing for a variety of reasons but to a large degree related to why do women feel the need to do that shit? So sitting across from my girl who is also pretty broke telling me she is planning on getting the Brazilian on a regular basis dropped a nugget of an idea in my mind.

Now that the Spousal Unit and I are actively working on getting our groove back, that nugget of an idea has grown. Let me just say that all I have read on the subject of hair removal in the sacred space seems to indicate it could have some certain advantages. Wink…wink. Sign me the fuck up now!

So I figured since it’s time for my monthly waxing, unibrows and chins hairs being oh so unattractive that when I call to make my appointment this week I will also schedule in a waxing of my sacred space. Sounds pretty easy, right? Well this morning after reading up on what to expect, readers I must say I am all confuzzled. Do I go bald, leave a strip? Oh dear, my head is spinning. But not only is my head spinning frankly I am feeling a tad uncomfortable of the idea of letting the same lady who monthly waxes my brows and in July at the local Greek Fest serves me up a mean cup of a Greek coffee, see my junk so to speak. One description I read today explained that to the folks doing the waxing it’s really no big deal, sort of akin to getting your annual pap smear. I don’t know but for some reason it seems a lot easier to hop on the table, get the speculum inserted and get swabbed by someone I don’t ever see except for once a year than a lady who knows my husband and kids by name. Oh, I could go to a different salon but that seems even stranger….ladies, ladies, ladies how do you do this?

Furthermore as someone who has been attached since 1995, it seems that what is expected of women in that space has changed. I almost feel like a relic, I mean back then in 95 I didn’t know of anyone that was getting landing strips, etc but now I feel like the last hold out. Anyway to bald or not to bald, to go with my lady I know and trust or to a stranger, these are the questions.