Freaks or maybe pioneers?

Funny thing about blogging is sometimes you sit down and your topic is already there and you start writing only to get half way through the post to realize that something else is speaking to you. I am having one of those days.

I hesitate to write about this because the few times I have put it out there, I have had readers ask me, what’s up? Well nothing is up other than just a continual learning process. Yesterday Good Morning America did a piece on what they called the Modern Family, it features one woman, a gal by the name of Jaiya Ma and her two male partners and they have a child. I actually came across this family a few months ago for a project I was researching, and frankly found them to be rather interesting.

I grew up in a typical family, one Mom, one Dad and a brother, nothing spectacular. Though I suppose if you factor in that my Dad is a minister with Baptist roots, I have had to reevaluate many ideas I once held dear. I will just leave it at that. That said, the older I get, as I have said before more than half of my married friends are either divorced or in the process of divorcing. Hell, I have been divorced! Gone are the days for most of us when we stay in unhappy unions, but I must admit in my unofficial opinion, I do wonder maybe marriage and family as we once knew it needs to be reevaluated.

Now most of us laugh and joke about the idea of having another partner or our partner having another partner, but truth be told, jealousy and the idea of ownership of our partner keeps that from happening. Sure it’s great to ponder the idea of a spare wife/husband …someone to assist with all that tedious shit. But in reality, the idea of our partner being intimate with another makes our blood run cold. We are pretty much indoctrinated to believe that love means 2 loving humans and that is it, never mind the reality that the chances are high that at some point you or someone you know will be sharing a partner, it will just be done with deceit and shame. Today’s modern marriage puts a lot of pressure on us to be someone else’s everything, I mean when you are married, you are supposed to get all your financial, emotional, mental, and sexual needs met by one person. Heaven help you if you decide to have kids! Two people are supposed to be not only each other’s everything but with many of us no longer having a village to truly support us, we are now the kids everything too. That’s a lot to have on one person’s plate.

I almost wonder if the so-called increase in polyamorous relationships is a backlash against what at times feels like plain old insanity. It is not easy being a family in these tough times! In my case we are 1100 miles away from family and frankly even if I were closer to what remains of my family, I can’t say they would be super helpful. After almost a decade in Maine, I have cobbled together a mini village, but it is still hard.

No, I think we all know it’s hard and that’s why when we hear about a family that is walking outside the circle society tells us we must be in, it triggers strong emotions in us. Generally I find when I am bothered on any level by how someone else is living, it’s a sign I need to need check in with myself. When we see a loving unit managing their lives and doing it with joy, why does it bother us? Much like gay marriage, if it’s not your thing, don’t slam it, just don’t do it. As for the kid…well I can’t imagine the adults are doing anything inappropriate in front of the kid. Kids are resilient and if they are raised respectfully and with love, I can’t imagine it has or will have much bearing on the kid which partner Mom is having sex with that night. The old kids’ argument is the same one that the anti-gay marriage folks have used for years and as we saw from this young man, it’s not an issue.

So in the end, while I can’t say a poly way of being will ever be my thing, since at the moment the logistics of managing one man, two kids and a job are hard enough, I will say I admire those who are able to make that choice and who can make it work.

Hypocrite Nation…personhood and sex!

I am not that old, really I am not. I remember back in the ole days when television ended in the middle of the night, remember those days? So if you woke up at 3 am, you pretty much were relegated to reading a book or doing a crossword puzzle. Back in the ole days, hell there were limits on what we saw and heard. Half naked folks, dead and bloodied folks were a no-no and language was pretty clean. Ah…the good ole days.

I don’t know when things started to change, but somewhere along the way, TV became a bit more risque, little kids dressed like adult women about to do a pole dance somehow became norm and now when we go and kill world leaders apparently it’s no longer enough to be told that evil bastards such as Osama Bin Laden and Muammar Gadaffi are dead, we have to see their battered and bloodied carcasses.

Yet we are a confused nation, in a place where gross is the norm and we celebrate it and think nothing of it, common sense also seems to be missing. Down in Mississippi, a place with a crazy high rate of poverty and some rather backwards attitudes, the lawmakers rather than trying to help the existing humans are toying with the idea of creating a new class of person hood. This would effectively ban abortion and numerous forms of birth control. Sorry but as a believer in taking care of existing humans first, why expend energy worrying about what some woman is doing with her body when we have no compassion once that new human is born?

Closer to home, here in Maine we have a swingers club that basically caught the attention of folks and well folks are none too happy. I mean, how gross! People having sex with people they aren’t necessarily partnered to and enjoying it, openly…oh my word! I mean what kind of depraved humans would do such a thing? Probably more than you realize. That said as good upstanding moral Americans we like our sex only to exist between married humans ideally of different genders and for heaven’s sake if you are going to screw someone else other than your spouse, do it under the cover of darkness and feel much guilt and shame. We like our sex to either be for creating new humans or creating shame, anything else feels a bit too much.

Look, I am not saying a sex club in a banquet hall is a grand idea, but having worked in a restaurant, I can assure you, there is plenty of grossness to be found in almost any eating establishment if you look hard enough. If it’s about the all mighty dollar, tell these folks they need a special license and make em pay! Hell horny folks might be what we need to stimulate the economy, all the toys; condoms…you get the idea.

At the end of the day too many of us are frankly hypocrites living in a nation of hypocrites. We cheer bloody corpses and wonder why our kids are violent. We buy clothes that are not appropriate for our kids, wonder why they want to have sex, then we want to tell others what to do with their bodies. Give me a break!

Don’t be a boob, keep your judgment to yourself!

I am on my second cold in six weeks, so I am probably feeling a little crunchier than usual. Damn kids! Between the kiddo being in school and my center that serves kids, I am surrounded by little germ vectors waiting to touch and infect me. Grrrrr.

Last night as I was trying to fall fast asleep but being thwarted by the pesky post nasal drip that kept making me coughing thus interfering with my ability to fall asleep and pissing me off even more. I started thinking about other things that piss me off; yeah when sleep is eluding you, might as well go off on a mental tangent! I found myself thinking that it seems lately in both my online and offline life I keep running into people who seem to fancy themselves experts who want to share all their knowledge with you. Problem is I never asked for your two cent opinion, but in today’s over share without boundaries world that doesn’t seem to stop anyone.

Everywhere I turn, I am running into the food and religion police or maybe I should call some em the anti-religion police. See, it works like this someone is living life and suddenly they are blinded by the light and all of sudden they have an epiphany and now they realize how bad certain foods are or they realize that they no longer believe in God or hell maybe they found God…whatever. The thing is they now feel compelled to proselytize about this new found process with every, and anyone. Never mind you didn’t ask them to, they just do it any fucking way. Now back a long long time ago, I used to do the same thing, and then I outgrew it. Unsolicited opinions even when giving under the guise of being helpful frankly are annoying and generally you never sway anyone so give it up!

Having traveled the path of having no faith to faith and to no faith and back again, I am willing to give most folks a break. In many ways spirituality for me is a fluid and always evolving process. I get the enthusiasm, I really do. That said, what I don’t get is the judgment, why is it that people who choose to believe in a higher power whether it’s the Hummus Idol, God, Vishnu or whatever you want to call it are often deemed silly, non-thinkers by those who have decided they no longer believe? I mean really unless you have died and come back to life, frankly do any of us know? In the end what we choose to believe in is a lot like who we choose to love, sometimes its rational and well thought out and sometimes it’s a feeling that we follow. Even the most rational thinkers occasionally follow the gut and see where it leads them.

Now on to my pals, the food police. Food judgment makes me mad, it makes me very mad. For starters food has gotten ridiculously expensive, so much so that in order to continue my addiction to local fruits, veggies and meat that I have started buying the staples at the evil Wal-Mart. Yet last week even the evil Wally is getting high, imagine my surprise when my stockpile of flour, toilet paper and all that jazz rang up at over $200! Fuckin Aye! Thankfully I can still afford it but shit, that says nothing for what I spent last week alone at the local Farmers Market! While food prices go up, I don’t know about you but my income has not exactly increased to take this increase in food prices into consideration but I do the best I can. This increase in food means many people base their diet off what they can afford, know how to prepare and will actually eat.

Food judgers often like to tell you what you should eat, like my religious pals, they often have had a later in life conversion, growing up with the standard American Diet and suddenly learning that food is quite versatile. They eat their first batch of kohlrabi slaw, read some websites, etc. and now they are an expert on food for not only them but you. You know the type, I have one I eat lunch with occasionally who loves to nag me about my occasional soda…ummmm, I drink exactly 1 maybe 2 sodas a week, pretty much having reached the stage in life that soda and I are not pals anymore. Yet this particular person loves to ride my ass about that single soda. Give me a fucking break!

These folks always have suggestions about how you can eat better never mind that like the religious folks, you didn’t ask their input and heaven help you if you have kids, they really are filled with advice. I have a picky eater, a picky at times underweight eater. Let me tell you when she went through the McDonald’s phase, I was happy, it meant she actually ate a meal with little drama. Sadly that phase is over and she has approximately like 10 items she will eat without complaint, needless to say meal time is a barrel of laughs for me. Same kid has grown up at CSA’s and farmers markets, all our area farmers know my kid by name. Last year her class went on a field trip to a local farm and her teacher thought it was neat how the farmers knew mini me. Like I said we eat local a lot! At least I buy it and some of us eat it.

The thing about food judgers though is much like religious/non-religious fanatics is they assume you know squat. Funny thing is I am a former vegetarian, back in the days when foodyism was not a hobby, there were no blogs and Whole Foods was not a household name. Back when I was a vegetarian, I had limited choices of places to eat outside my home even in Chicago because pretty much the only vegetarians/vegans were pretty much considered to be hippy types. I enjoyed being a vegetarian but started having health issues that pretty much brought me back to the meat. I enjoy meat in moderation and the great thing about getting older is my body does not hesitate to speak up when I overindulge.

Look, people should be free to make the choices they feel comfortable about, don’t dig on a higher power, fabulous! Want to eat a macrobiotic diet? Groovy. If it works for you, I am happy! Really I am my issue is when you start judging me and assuming me to be an ignorant boob because I don’t want to do what you do. True diversity is about accepting the full range of human expression even if it does not reflect your thoughts. So lighten up, enjoy your choices, I will enjoy mine and as long as we can be respectful of each other, it’s all gravy and hell I will even make that vegetarian gravy!

PS: Lest you call me a hypocrite, I am working on my own judgment, hey…it’s a work in progress.