How not to get a job!

Hello readers! Life has been busy, busy as we prepared for the kidlet’s first at the educational industrial complex…ooop! I meant school. So far she survived the first day of course when its only two hours and it involves animal crackers and a bus ride, it’s not too stressful. Though the verdict is still out on whether or not she will  stay in school since I am leaning strongly towards homeschooling but I will keep you posted.

In other happenings, after slaving for the last two years at my non-profit job, I have finally secured enough funding to actually hire additional staff and thus make my life just a tad bit less stressful. Though I am finding the entire process of hiring to be stressful, as a small agency it’s important to hire folks who are going to love the work, be dedicated and are totally okay with earning peanuts.

Thankfully the shitty economy works in my favor, after all 7-8 years ago I doubt I would have had degreed folks tripping over each other just to get their foots in the door of an agency where I will work em like slaves, pay em peanuts and occasionally say thank you.

That said, if you as the job seeker think you have it bad, let me tell you it’s no fun weeding through resumes some which make me think they were written by twelve-year old’s masquerading as adults. Today after I spent some time weeding out the obvious no’s, it was time to set up interviews and let me tell ya I learned something new.

First candidate, not a perfect match but met the minimum standards of what I am looking for in a candidate, so I try to call to set up an interview. Except I noticed something funny on both the cover letter and resume….there is no phone number. Um….how the hell can I reach you without a phone? So I email the candidate who replies and tells me they are traveling for the month therefore they are not available for an interview in the time frame that I am conducting interviews.

Let me get this straight. You applied for a job, no phone number and now not available for an interview anytime in this calendar month. Call me old but last  time I looked for a job, I was relatively available for interviews. No, I don’t expect you to be available tomorrow but if you aren’t available to even interview for a month, why bother to even apply? Hey, if you got some thoughts on that, please let me know.

Next candidate, I give a call and this person answers the phone like I am Capital One demanding payment on an overdue Visa. It took a good minute or so before the person realized I was calling about a job and then switched up their tone. Um….first impressions matter, even on the phone.  By the way telling me you were planning on calling about the job was a bad idea. Why? The posting specifically says no phone calls please.

Look, the ability to pay attention to details is very important. If you send a resume on Friday and you think calling the company on Tuesday is a good idea, especially when the posting says no calls. Guess what? That means no fucking calls. Some might say it shows initiative and yes that is true but it also shows someone who does not pay attention to details and as the person running a small agency, unwanted calls at inconvenient times is a nuisance.

Lastly, the person who sent an email asking how to apply for the job when the listing was real clear…it read “email resume, cover letter and 4 references to or mail to Helping Agency 123 Job Lane, Jobs Now, ME 55555.” So sending an email asking how to apply shows someone who lacks the ability to follow the fucking directions.

Look, being jobless sucks!  I did 18 months of unemployment/freelance gigs back in 2007-2008 and that was before the economy went to hell in a hand basket. But taking a few extra minutes to follow the directions or hell even writing in the body of the cover letter that you are traveling and not available until a certain time goes a long way in presenting yourself in a good light.

By the way, while many folks for whatever reason hate talking on the phone, if you are looking for a job you really need to put your best voice forward when answering, worse case if its Visa, hang up.

5 thoughts on “How not to get a job!”

  1. Sad thing is there are plenty of employers who have no problem hiring these sorts of folks. I’ve definitely applied for jobs with these people and they’ve been the ones to get the jobs. Oh well.

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