My pet peeves- the race edition

Sorry readers that I have been slacking in getting back to a regular writing schedule, between a slow recovery and returning to work, blogging has fallen to the bottom of the to do list. Hell, I am still not cooking, so you know if I am not cooking blogging is just not a priority.

However I enjoyed some of nature’s best medicine today on this gorgeous May Day and decided to share some of my thoughts…things that just irk me. I like to call it my pet peeves, the race edition. As a Black woman living in Maine, race is one of those issues never far from the surface. I was born and raised in Chicago so even though I have more or less settled into life in Maine and accepted my fate as the only fly in the buttermilk, hey I am sista and I do still have race on the brain.

I admit some of what I am about to say is not for those who are easily offended and while its hard to read tone online please be aware that I am trying to be light. Imagine if we were face to face kicking back with some drinks.

First up, now I don’t see a lot of Black women here in Maine but I do see Black men. Nine out of ten times they are partnered with white women. Often I will be in a shop and see a brotha and the brotha and I will hit each other with the nod. You know that acknowledgment that says I see you playa. In most cases the white partner is completely oblivious to what is going on, but there are times when the white partner of brotha man sees the exchange and rather than understanding that as we used to say in the early 90’s, it’s a Black thang. The white partner gets a nasty look….yo girl, I do not want ya man. Yep, I am going there. In almost all cases the brotha with the white chick wouldn’t be my cup of tea if we were on a deserted island and he was the last man standing. So please stop giving me stank ass looks. You see I am with my man and kid so back that shit the fuck up.

Next up how come when one black woman sees another black woman instead of coming with a spirit of sisterhood and solidarity, we have to give each other that stank eye. Now this shit used to happen all the time in Chicago, but when it happens in Maine, it really pisses me off. Sistas we need to get it together, next time I see you don’t act like its going to kill you to say hi. There is a biracial sista I see in my area all the time, she rocks some fierce head wraps, I have never seen her with anyone other than a man I presume is her husband and her kids. Instead of giving me the side eye maybe you could just say hello.

By the way in big cities, do brothas still try to holla at chicks and get salty when they don’t speak back? That was another one that used to irritate me back home, of course that rarely happens here since there ain’t no brothas to holla at a sista. (though I saw a man so fine the other day, maybe I was delusional, if Taye Diggs mated with Idris Elba, that’s what this man looked like..he was a fine piece of chocolate, still wondering why he was here but that’s another story) Though it sill happens when I am in the city…brotha, yo when out of style a long time ago playa.

White folks, I really don’t care if you adopt Black kids but dammit for the love of Ray J, please learn how to groom ya child. I am so damn tired of seeing Black kids with white parents running around with jacked up hair and ashy legs and arms. Just today I saw this at the festival I was at and goodness gracious this chile was ashy, hell you can go in the kitchen and rub some damn olive oil over the kid. For most black folks, the average lotion is not enough for ours skin, learn the facts. And please don’t put a relaxer in a little kid’s hair…seeing a young girl with limp processed hair and edges that are starting to recede sends me into rage.

Speaking of hair, if you are a Black woman with a Black child and you relax your child’s hair, you need your ass kicked. I am not even kidding, you are a lazy heifer and I mean that shit. I recently watched Chris Rock’s Good Hair and the clip of a 4 yo girl getting relaxed nearly sent me over the edge. Comb your damn child’s hair…this was a skill the Mamas of yesterday had, learn it and learn it quickly.

Sistas, stop saying you won’t ever date a white man but bitching that you are man-less. Most of the reasons I have heard for why sistas don’t date white men are pretty damn stupid. I admit it can be hard to overcome the racial and cultural differences but look if you link up with a man who hails from the same class as you and shares other similarities you probably will connect. Besides no one says you must marry the first white man that asks you out but shit why be dateless on Saturday night besides love can overcome a lot. Sistas saying shit like you won’t date a white man because they are less endowed and have no soul…well you just sound ignant as hell. Sure you must know not every brotha is hung like a horse and lets be honest many things can be taught. So if you really don’t want to date a white man at least pick up a valid reason for doing so, not some bullshit you heard from someone else. Just saying.

Lastly how come some of us get mad when we are in places where we are the only folks of color and white folks are looking at us? Seriously? Look, you can stare at me all you want, long as you don’t put ya hands on me or say some crazy shit, I really don’t care. In most cases clueless white folks who like to stare can be disarmed with a big smile and a hello, nine out of ten times, it moves the situation along and everyone is happy.

As you can see I think about some crazy shit, its been one of those weeks for me and I figured I’d share with you, my dear reader. Have a great weekend!

6 thoughts on “My pet peeves- the race edition”

  1. I feel you, Vonnie…I love natural hair on little girls. But it should be healthy and taken care of, not brittle. I don’t like to see little girls with tight braids or hair that has been eaten up by relaxers either.

    My mother had a tough time with my hair, because it wasn’t like hers. She tried, though. She would comb it and put Luster’s pink lotion in it. Very painful. I still remember the comb pulling through my wooly curls.

    She had black female friends and they told her what to do…but their advice wasn’t always helpful.

    Like you, I’m a product junkie. I’m constantly on the lookout for stuff that will improve my hair. It’s about trial and error. See what works and what doesn’t.

    I knew a girl in high school who was also biracial, with a White mom. The coincidence? Both of our mothers are from Maine. Amy had short, stiff, brittle hair that wouldn’t grow. Her mother never learned anything about hair care. She was a pretty girl but her hair was thirsty. It needed moisture badly.

    I started having the same problem because I never quite learned to take care of my hair either. Most “black” products were bad for my hair and most “white” products were even worse.

    I believe you can offer helpful advice to some people…it depends on how you come across. Some people will be offended, but others will see it as helpful and they will thank you. 🙂

  2. I am days late in checking my blogs, and you have me laughing SO hard this morning! I am in NC, and I see my fair share of biracial children (mostly w/white mothers around here) and also black kids adopted into white families. I have no problem with kids having a good home, but doggonit, can someone write an E-book on black hair care for white parents???!

    I’m gonna go ahead & call out Angelina Jolie for being a bad hair care role model (and put Madonna right behind her). If I see those two little girls caught on camera again with cute clothes on and dry brittle hair, I’m gonna scream! Sure…let them rock a fro, but that Carol’s Daughter you picked up at Sephora MAY not be working right if you are scared to dip your fingers in the grease :). Shoot…there could be a 1 page manual with 3 words — Moisturize, Moisturize MOISTURIZE. If your child’s hair isn’t shiny…it’s a problem. It can still be kinky and moisturized, it can still be kinky and shine, but brittle hair has to go.

    I do have a white friend though with the CUTEST daughter ever, and she came to me out right and said “girl…I don’t know how to do HAIR! Help!” (shoot, I have a son, I don’t know how to do hair either!) but I told her to keep it moist, don’t let it dry out, and regardless of her own hair’s fear of oils…her daughter needs it. I am enough of a product junkie to suggest some good hair products to tame the baby curls. Oh, and I had to let her know, you cannot BRUSH hair that hasn’t been properly detangled. Baby needs a real comb :).

    Sometimes I see random women + kids with the bad hair & I want to say something helpful but I don’t want come across mean, ya know?

  3. Danielle, you’re a trip! “Either one makes my vagina retreat into my cervix”…LMAO.

    I don’t live in Maine, but I want to. I’m biracial, live in Florida, but my mother is from Maine. She left Bangor in the late 70’s to live in Florida. Her family comes from a very rural, remote part of Maine. When my grandmother died ten years ago, my mother stopped going home to visit. She is still terribly sad because her parents are both dead and she has a strained relationship with her siblings, all of whom still live in Maine.

    I was in Bangor/Brewer last year with my husband. We drove up to Canaan, which is where my mother’s family lives.

    Maine is a beautiful state. I love it. Here in Miami, where I live, most sistas aren’t that friendly to one another. They will look me up and down, roll their eyes, and smirk like, “who does this bitch think she is?” I’m surprised to hear that some black women in Maine act that way too, because the black population there is so tiny. I feel like some black women judge me based on my skin color and the way I look. I’m pretty shy, too, so sometimes people believe I’m stuck-up.

    I believe that it seems to be a problem everywhere. As to the white women catching attitude…don’t worry about it, girl. Some people are simply insecure. I’ve been there. The assumption seems to be that because you’re a Black woman in Maine, you’re single and lonely and you will pounce on her husband/boyfriend. I’ve experienced similar attitudes here in Florida. I’ve noticed some biracial children looking the way you describe, with ashy skin and dry hair.

    My White mother didn’t always know what to do with my hair either. While I was in Bangor, I noticed that the “ethnic” aisle of hair care products at CVS was very sparse. Frankly, some of that stuff looked downright toxic.

  4. Hey there Pussycat you had me laughing. You forgot to add in the fact that the kids with the white mothers look at black women like we are either going to eat them or wrestle them down and comb their hair. I feel so bad for them. I just want to give those mothers a Chris Rock shake. In the age of the internet there is no excuse.

    And the black women here don’t even make eye contact much less give you the Samuel Jackson stanky eye. It’s almost like they don’t want to stand out or something. Or may be they think that you really want to be their friend instead of just being polite. I dunno, ya got me on that one. Oh but the men, are you trying to get with me in Wally World in front your girl? Is that how you get down?

    And yup most of the dudes dating white girls are nothing I would ever bring home. Ever! They are either the whitest black dudes are the most thugest looking brothers. Either one makes my vagina retreat into my cervix.

    And the white people stare…I got used to that years ago. It’s still bothers the newbies that come here. I don’t pay it any mind. It’s never that Time to Kill stare, like they about to break out the white robes.

    Funny thing about the holla is while you don’t want a man to hey baby you to the point where you want to tasier him, it would be nice to occasionally get that appreciative look once in a while. I know my booty looks good in the jeans you ain’t got ta grab it lemme know something lol . Ahhh, life in Maine.

  5. “…goodness gracious this chile was ashy, hell you can go in the kitchen and rub some damn olive oil over the kid.”

    I really did lol and am still chuckling.


    1) “The Nod”. I love the nod. I remember those from my first two years at a nearly all white university. There was a nice closeness among black students so we wouldn’t feel so alienated. I still get and do it from other blacks when we’re the only two around, and you’re right, more so from men than women.

    2) The Grit. Yeah, by other sistas. I’d say it’s about half in my very black and Latino neighborhood, which ain’t bad. However, if the only other sista in town didn’t speak, I’d probably hate her. 😉

    3) The Holla. My daughter who is 14 gets the holla now every time she walks out the door. I trained her to not be a bitch but not grin so as to confuse men. Ya know, just a little nod and keep walking so she won’t get cussed out, and not to go near any man in a car. She had two bonafide creeps try to follow her in their cars so far but she’s cautious and ran.

    4) The men I’m interested in are 45+ and came up in a very different America. Far as I can tell, I am invisible to them. My daughter’s crowd doesn’t see race as barrier because they were raised in a very multicultural environment and their peers don’t have the hang ups my generation did. My son, who is 21, is obsessed with Latino girls.

    Otherwise, you gonna do a post on the Enquirer/Matt Drudge and our man in the WH? I am seething at the glee shown already by the haters on the Internet when there is no evidence that the rumor is true.

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