As women I think sometimes its quite easy to get caught up in our roles (mother, partner, daughter, etc) so much so that we lose sight of whom we are. In most cases if someone asked us who are we, we would probably respond with “Well my name is XYZ and I am the mother to ABC, partner to EFG and I work at MNO” Yet does that really say who we are? It says what we do, it explains the various hats we wear but deep down it says nothing about who we are. Until recently that would have been my answer but I am tired of that being my answer. I not only want to know who I am but today after a powerful coaching session I am ready to return myself to my rightful owner…me.
Having children early in life gave me little time for self exploration, after all its hard to plumb your inner self when you are trying to keep a roof over your head and food on the table. It’s really only been recently that I have started to ask myself who the fuck am I? According to Joan Borysenko my life stage of 35-42 is the time that most women start to ask these questions, when we have spent just enough years as adults in some cases fulfilling others expectations for us or doing what we think we want but the cusp of middle age for many women is when we lose that fear of asking the hard questions. I suspect we crave them, hell we need them. Much like our bodies during PMS put out specific requests and we can either give in or ignore the request.
In asking myself the heavy questions to the point of even questioning my very faith, I have greater clarity and peace on many levels. Yet there is still the hard work of actually getting to what I want which in some cases means being willing to put myself out there, it means taking risks. Though in many cases nothing worth having happens overnight yet it’s all part of the journey of getting to self, where there is seamless integration between who we really are and the many roles we fulfill.
For me I am starting to acknowledge I am a seeker of knowledge, a truth teller, a rabble rouser who is passionate and sensual in all that I do, it informs every area of my life. I am learning to say yes to myself more often when I want something. I ask for what I need and occasionally even take it. I strive to be intentional and present in all that I do for when I live this way there is greater harmony in my life. I connect better with friends; I am more loving with my kids I can give more to my partner and not feel ragged and incomplete.
Right now the most important work I have is to return myself to my rightful owner…me. What about you? What’s important to you, what are you seeking, are you in balance in all areas of your life?
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2 thoughts on “Returning myself to my rightful owner….me!”
Finding oneself, especially for a woman of color, at times is a daunting task. I recall when I was struggling with the demands of motherhood, work, and a new relationship it was tough. I also when asked to tell about myself, would, say, I am a mom, a wife, an business owner…..I don’t really recall when I stopped identifying myself by my roles as opposed to me. At this point in my life I am confident in me…I am still and will always be a mother, wife and hopefully one day a retired business owner, but now I also recognize the I much more. Sounds like you are on the right track, one inwhich you and only you will feel good about..Take Care.
I would say that me and kids are running neck and neck when it comes to what is important to me. I try to put them first but sometimes I have to out me first. And not feel guilty about it lol.
I am seeking a good man (which I am 99% positive that I have now) a good family life, a good job that fits my personality, good friends. Nothing has to be perfect but I need the good.
I am very balanced now. I graduated from my counseling sessions as of yesterday. I’ve has a rough two years and just when I thought I was going to make some progress, we got hit by a drunk driver. While no one was seriously hurt, it threw me for a hard and fast loop. I was off my center and I didn’t know how to get back on it. I knew what was wrong but I didn’t have a clue how to right myself. Thank God my old counselor was still on the base. And I’ve been reading books on mindfullness so that I can try to stay aware because I really don’t like going down the rabbit hole.
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