Either we destroy white supremacy or we stop lying to ourselves

“Beyond the ebb and flow of racial progress lies the still viable and widely accepted (though seldom expressed) belief that America is a white country in which blacks, particularly as a group, are not entitled to the concern, resources, or even empathy that would be extended to similarly situated whites.”

Derrick A. Bell, Silent Covenants: Brown v. Board of Education and the Unfulfilled Hopes for Racial Reform

Since 2003, I have shared my struggles as a Black woman living in one of America’s very whitest states, but really the reality that I have lived in Maine is the reality of the majority Black people in America. “How could that be?” you might ask. Well, it is because we are confronted with overt and covert racism in our daily lives. Regularly. Virtually every day for most of us and more than once a day by far. Racism existed in my hometown of Chicago; after all, it was there that at the age of 16, I had a white child call me a nigger. It was was there where a police officer accused me of being a sex worker for the “crime”of being in the passenger seat of the car with my then husband as we drove down the highway (this being the 1990s, mind you, not the ’60s or even the ’70s, in case you got confused and thought I was an adult back in those decades…hell, I wasn’t even born until the 1970s). It was in Chicago where teachers chose to ignore the fact that as a sullen 16-year-old whose father had been diagnosed with cancer that I wasn’t just being hard-headed and not going to school but that I was in crisis.

The racism that I discovered in Maine was not, in hindsight, particularly extreme in terms of actions or behaviors. But what it was (and continues to be) extreme in the utter lack of racial representation. Simply put, in Chicago, there was a community that provided safe harbor and respite from the slings and arrows of racism. But in Maine, for the majority of Black people and other people of color, we are isolated and that makes the racism that we face even more dangerous. Rarely do we have a safe harbor to retreat to and nourish ourselves. Few (to the point of being almost none at all) largely Black neighborhoods or shops or hangouts. Instead, we are hyper-vigilant and always on though because we are constantly surrounded by whiteness and people who expect us to “act white.” Granted, that is slowly changing thanks to younger activists who are working diligently to change things. But it’s still very much an unfinished work in very early progress.

I must confess that I am tired, I am weary and I am mad. Recently a “friend” suggested that I tone down my rhetoric on race as I was turning people off. Funny thing is that for the past several months, I have been in a deep funk about my work because at times, I wonder if my writing or work has any real value beyond knowledge or camaraderie. As I watch a younger generation of Black activists and thinkers come up, I think they are on to something: The humanity of Black people cannot wait for a collective mass of white folks to realize that we have as much right to sit at the table of humanity as they do instead of always requiring that we twist ourselves to be palatable to the white gaze and aesthetic.

Technology’s ability to capture racial injustice on camera has led to millions of white people starting the process of waking up to the realities of race in America and while that is a good thing, it is not enough. It is not enough to realize that white privilege is a real thing regardless of one’s economic situation. Waking up to whiteness and acknowledgment of injustice do not lead to the structural overhauling of this entire system which is desperately needed. In short, it is no longer enough to educate yourselves and work towards being anti-racist in your personal sphere.

White privilege exists on the foundation of white supremacy, which is what we need to address as a collective body. To be born in a body labeled as white is to be born into white supremacy, it is to be as steeped in white supremacy as a Lipton tea bag is in a mug of steaming hot water.

Western civilization was built on white supremacy and affects every interaction in our lives from how we run our meetings to how we buy our homes. Whiteness is the cultural norm that we are all forced into and for those of us in bodies that are not white, our ability to survive is often tied to just how well we can fit ourselves into this narrative that upholds whiteness as the cultural norm. If you think I am lying, look no further than the former President of the United States. Barack Obama’s ability to distance himself from Blackness was part of his ability to capture the hearts and minds of millions of white people. He was our first Black president and yet it was under our country’s first Black president that Black people mobilized in numbers not seen since the Civil Rights era as we affirmed our right to exist thanks to the growing numbers of Black people being killed by police.

This space has long served as the starting place for many white people to create awareness around racism but that is no longer enough for me as the creator of this space. We must move the needle on racism and while education and knowledge are central to that process we must also have action. We need to ask ourselves are we upholding white supremacy and thus perpetuating the never-ending cycle of racism or are we taking stock of our lives and actions and looking at where we can be the change?

The past several days have been hard for Black Americans as we saw yet another police officer acquitted in the death of an unarmed Black person who was so clearly undeserving of lethal force. Last summer, Philando Castile was pulled over for from the crime of having a busted taillight while driving with his girlfriend and her child. After being asked for his license and registration, Castile told the officer that he was licensed to carry a firearm and that he had one on his person. He was polite and complaint, the two things we are always told will keep us from being shot. Yet the officer decided that his life was in danger and shot into the car multiple times killing Castile. Castile’s girlfriend recorded the incident on Facebook Live as her 4-year-old daughter witnessed this all from the back seat. Yet in the end, the officer was acquitted. People wonder why we say Black Lives Matter but more times than not the system sends the clear messages that Black Lives Don’t Matter.

As many of us sit with this unsettling reminder that our lives only matter when white America says they do, we were faced with another brutal reminder that our lives don’t matter. Seattle police shot and killed Charleena Lyles, a 30-year-old Black mother with a reported history of mental health issues after she called to report an attempted burglary. Lyles, who was pregnant, was armed with a knife which apparently triggered the officers to shoot and kill her; her children were present in the apartment. A woman calls the police to report a burglary and ends up dead. In moments like this, I find myself wondering is there any reason for any Black person in America to call the police given that the system has the uncanny knack of finding us so threatening that whether we are 12-year-old kids engaging in play with a toy gun at a playground or driving in our cars or calling for help, we still are killed. Yet white men who go into Black churches and shoot and kill people can be delivered safely to jail with a pit stop for fast food before being locked up. Or they escape from jail, go on a crime spree and can still be captured alive.

If this space resonates with you, what are your plans for change? How are you affirming the humanity in Black and non-white people? How are you supporting people of color? How are you taking your learning and putting it into action? What is holding you back? If Black lives really matter to you, how are you letting the Black people in your life know that?

Lastly, to the “friend” who said I was too much, I say no. In fact, what I have been doing is not enough and I will work until my last breath to create change. If that makes you as a white person uncomfortable, decolonize your mind and break free from the shackles of white supremacy. Do better, think better and be better. Dismantle the system that says whiteness is rightness and everything else.

Do these things. Do them, or else acknowledge that the lives of non-white people, especially Black ones, are simply not enough of a priority for you to unplug yourself from white supremacy and white privilege. Make change in yourself and around you, however you can, or stop lying to yourself.
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11 thoughts on “Either we destroy white supremacy or we stop lying to ourselves”

  1. Those of you crowing about how useful and valuable Shay’s work is, are you PAYING her for her labor? If not, then you’re just performing and it’s all bullshit.

  2. Why do you still have a banner on Twitter of Obama’s eye? It’s disconcerting, unattractive, and also inappropriate since he’s no longer president. Please pick a more appropriate one. It reflects poorly on your professional position.

    • Jaz, why don’t you go sit and spin against the grain instead of thinking that any random Blacks woman has to heed, much less obey, your bullshit whims.

      • Hey, witch bitch. My “whims” aren’t “bullshit.” She’s had the same stupid banner up for a long time. I can’t comprehend why she chose it in the first place. No one wants to see Obama rubbing his eye. BTW: “random Blacks woman” makes no sense whatsoever. Clearly, you’re also illiterate.

  3. I do at times feel helpless when I see or hear about the myriad horrific events such as the recent shootings of Charleena Lyles and Philando Castile. And I feel outraged and full of despair for my Black sisters and brothers when I hear that the white police perpetrators of that violence go unpunished, But I also feel an overwhelming sense of despair for humanity in general. I ask myself what I (one white female) can do beyond speaking up where I see injustice, whether it be on Facebook or on the street. I can engage with strangers I meet on the street no matter their skin color or heritage. I will continue to seek out and attend gatherings of folks who want to put an end to the corrosive that is racism in our country, such as this workshop happening at Ferry Beach Association the weekend of July 14. . Thank you Shay for helping me to know that I still need to do more.

  4. Please do not stop speaking the truth and do not tone down your opinions. We need to hear this, even if it means we white people are uncomfortable. We reap the benefits of a white dominated power structure every day, and we need to acknowledge our white privilege and work hard to dismantle white supremacy. Thank you so much for your blog.

  5. I vote we destroy white supremacy (in part) BY not lying to ourselves — and not staying quiet as others lie to themselves. These days I read every FB post, listen to every conversation, attend every event with my mind on interrupting white supremacist assumptions. I don’t mind being thought of as a one-trick pony if maybe my trick will cause change.

  6. In case you’re still wondering if your work has any real value… On May 21, you spoke to a group of people about dismantling white supremacy. In the audience was another Black Girl in Maine. She is 16 years old. Her parents are white, all of her teachers are white, her coaches are white. She is the only Black girl in her high school class and one of only a few students of color in her school. She’s been feeling quite a bit of angst lately, which could be from a lot of different things in the life of a teenager.

    When you spoke about your experience, about white privilege, white supremacy, micro-aggressions, your own feelings, you spoke to that other Black Girl in the audience. These were not new ideas to her, but it was the first time that she heard these things in detail from a Black woman. You gave voice and meaning to all the feelings whirling around within her. Seeing you, an intelligent, mature, beautiful, funny Black woman, and hearing your direct and unapologetic explanations, made a huge difference in her life. You validated her feelings and her experiences. Your words have stayed with her.

    The death of Philando Castile is sickening. All of it is sickening. I hear you that action is needed. So, no, you are not too much, and yes, your work is so important and meaningful.

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