Musings on the big A

This week I was shocked to hear about the death of Dr. Tiller, one of only a few providers of second and third term trimester abortions in the entire United States. A couple of nights ago, I was flipping through the tv and ran across one of the cable news shows, I believe it was Anderson Cooper and he had a physician on the program who had known Tiller personally as well as a woman who made the choice to carry to term her fetus that she knew would not live more than a few hours. I went to sleep thinking about the abortion issue and after many years have decided to come out of the closet.

I have had an abortion. Many times women will say after giving birth to their first child that they  could never imagine having an abortion, women who prior to giving birth had always fancied themselves pro-choice. Well my story is different it was only after I became a mother that I came to understand why abortion must always remain legal and safe in this country.

I admit thoughts of abortion crossed my mine when I got pregnant with my son at 18, but I could not make that choice, obviously he is here and he is one of the two greatest lights in my life. That said, it was after he was born and I understood what it meant to be a mother that I understand why some women make the choice they do to terminate and I ended up being one of those women.

I won’t provide the details, the hows and whys don’t matter, just that having already been a mother, I knew I was not ready emotionally, financially or mentally be a mother again at that time in my life. Could I have chosen adoption? Maybe, but at least at that time, cuddly babies of color were not a priority for adoption and the idea of my offspring existing in the world not being treated right at someone else’s hands was not a thought I could bear.

I am older, stable and a Christian, do I have regrets you may wonder. No, I don’t. I have made my peace with that choice, yet for years I have lived with the secret. Even now I hesitate to write this knowing I have real life friends and family including my son who may read this and judge me. Yet I clearly believe that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.

Working in my line of work, I have seen families that brought children into the world they were not ready to parent…I believe that the scars of bad parenting last a lifetime. As a Christian I am constantly frustrated with those who are so completely anti-abortion yet do nothing to help out the kids who are here. People who complain about welfare moms yet get riled up about abortion.

I think about the many clinics I have run across over the years that claim to help women who are pregnant and dealing with an unwanted child but where are those same people when that child is 10, 12 and so on?

Dr. Tiller’s murder was a tragedy on so many levels as surely the killer may have felt it was his job to rid the world of evil…yet who the fuck are we to judge? So many folks run around claiming the name of Jesus but if Jesus was here, I doubt he would be happy with them. Jesus himself said he who is without sin throw the first stone, this was said in the context of the woman caught in the act of adultery.

I also decided to share my story because so many folks wonder about the women who choose to have an abortion…who are these women? Well these women are your sisters, daughters, friends and yes maybe even your mother. Rich women, poor women, black and white…we are the faces of abortion.

Note: I suspect such a hot topic will get more hits here than usual so I am letting you know now, all new commenters must be approved by me and if you choose to leave a nasty post, expect that you won’t see it here.