When you woke AF and basic AF

We’re welcoming another new face around here, Tiffany Foster, an Alabama resident here to remind you that all good things come to those who can talk white when necessary. She’s currently working on her MS in I&O Psychology along with writing a book that only her mother will read. Sometime, in the near future, she hopes to go to Disney World and not be the only fly in the buttermilk.

2018 has given us a lot of entertainment. The phrase “this government is a joke” has taken on a whole different meaning. Kanye has confirmed his status in the sunken place. Ashy season has kicked off with a bang with the Cosby conviction. Every time I unlock my phone I’m being treated to these wild-ass current events that make me cry/laugh until I forget whether I’m legit laughing (because it’s funny) or whether I’m crying out of total despair and hopelessness.

However, let’s not get off subject. More than anything else, 2018 has given us this new class of “woke AF” white person that has invited themselves to the cookout and bought some bum-ass potato salad that nobody authorized. Black folks don’t eat just anyone’s potato salad. And who told you that you could come to my spades table trying to ask someone to teach you how to play?

Problem with this new breed of whiteness is that it’s brand new. When I say “brand new,” I mean that they literally did not think racism existed before Donald Trump got elected. In their mind, none of their friends or family is racist. They’ve never met a racist person. Nobody talks about race at their place of employment. They have lived their entire lives allegedly without seeing color until now. And this presents a problem. Several problems, actually.

  1. These heffas hopped, skipped and jumped over the voices of Black people telling everyone racism was still alive until some of their white friends elected an open-ass racist to office. Karen has stood firm, since the year her millennial-ass was born, that racism was a problem of her parent’s generation. Side-note: her parents are not racist and loved MLK. The problem with this is not that her parents are more than likely racist; the problem is the sheer amount of Black people she has had to ignore her entire life to get to this point. Why does she keep acting like Black people have been completely silent about injustices from the passage of the Civil Rights act until November 2016? We haven’t, of course, but it’s much easier for Karen and all her homies to believe racism exists if they aren’t having to trust the voices of Black people to come to that conclusion.
  2. They are walking into the Ph.D.- level courses while they need to head down the hall to the 101 classes. White folks are jumping in head first into their new level of “wokeness” without having a clue what they woke up from or what they woke up to. Civil rights? They kinda understand. KKK is bad? OK, they can see that. That’s pretty much where it stops. They don’t know shit about racism for-real. That’s a problem because then you have to hold their hands and walk them down the hall to the 101 class when they do some racist shit and immediately start talking about “how is that racist?”
  3. They are consistently using their proximity to blackness to absolve themselves of the responsibility of their racism. “I’ve got a Black friend/child/spouse/fetish, so I can’t be racist.” What’s even worse is that they don’t understand how gross they are using their relationship with someone to justify attacks on people of the same race. Karen, please take yo ass to the remedial class for this shit.
  4. They use “unity” as a method to silence the voices of Black women. I still remember how much abuse I suffered for calling those pink pussy hats trash. If you’re not falling in line with their narrow view of feminism, you’re divisive. If you want to talk about the wage gap suffered by Hispanic or Black women, you’re divisive. If you want to talk about the mortality rate of pregnant Black woman, you’re divisive. If you want to bring their abuse to the forefront of the conversation, you’re angry and why are you taking your misplaced anger out on me I haven’t done anything to you and can Mary please bring me some tissue I’m so upset that I’m crying and someone come over and comfort me! White tears are weapons.

This list could go on and on, but I need sleep and some real-ass potato salad. I’ll get started on one of those in the morning along with a list of what white people can actually do when they feel themselves about to commit one of these sins.

A “glossary” from BGIM if you’re still in the 101 classes or remedial class whether with regard to race or internet abbevations



What’s the deal with potato salad? (Here and, even better [because it links to the so-excellent SNL skit] here)

spades and what does this game have to do with Black people?

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Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

1 thought on “When you woke AF and basic AF”

  1. Tiffany—-

    You have nailed it and I am not sure if I want to laugh or cry. Totally agree with your comment on the “Pink Pussy Hat” movement. As Mr. James would say , so “stupid” ! Coming from Alabama, are you going to grad school in New England ? And the obvious question is how come? Sharing your own southern roots, albeit mostly in the upper south and with melanin on the lighter side….. I am so glad that you are outing rather than hiding in the “Piney Woods.”

    By now you have found out that New England is “cold” —- both weather wise and people wise. On “people wise” — it is the end -product of the human species that we rarely, if ever encountered, south of the Potomac River and called PURITAN. Ever come across a deer and heard the “humph” as a warning to stay clear? Same thing if you get into the space of a Puritan, the “humph” accompanied often by throat clearing. And the closer you are to Boston, the more pronounced is the “humph”! Not only are you being a threat to the Puritan’s space but decidedly not being proper. Have never figured out what proper is – other than you are not in alignment with Puritan attributes.

    One of these attributes is to be oblivious to the reality around them. In my present digs in Boston – the HUB of the Universe, so claimed—the racism here has been quantified as being in the top ten of American cities (source: “Top Ten Most Segregated Cities in the US,” Atlanta Black Star, March 14, 2014. But it is clearly not “Proper” to even deal/ admit/ respond to it!

    So looking forward to your blogging. Welcome!

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