I had one of those moments today when I realized that I have had a major internal shift and despite how it sounds on the surface, I couldn’t be happier. I have become selfish, let me repeat that…I have become selfish. I am a recovering people pleaser, for years I was that “friend” you knew always was there for you, no matter what. As a result, I have probably had a higher than average number of people in my life with issues. Some with minor issues, some with major issues but the one link was that the people in my life stayed filled with drama and as a result of their drama, I had drama. Only problem is that continuous non-stop drama is tiring, for those directly involved as well as those on the sidelines.
I wish I could say exactly when I decided that I needed a little less drama in my life but I suspect it started a few years ago but one thing for sure, there is a lot less of it in my life and I feel good. At the same time, there are a lot less people in my life, oh I know a lot of people but frankly we don’t have to work towards being good friends, I am happy to keep known drama addicts squarely in the acquaintance box.
See, true friendship ought to be a give and take but the problem with staying connected to drama addicts is that they are never there when you need a friend. Oh sure, they will make a cursory effort to hear you, but inevitably it always comes back to them and at a certain point, surrounding yourself with drama addicts just eats into your energy. ( I know…there I go getting all woo woo again)
The older I get I am learning that being selfish can actually be good for one’s own mental and emotional health. So if you find yourself feeling depleted by the people in your life due to their issues, I highly suggest pulling the plug and getting a little selfish. Life is too damn short to be filled with drama addicts besides the less you give to them, the more you can give to yourself…say no to the drama addicts!
6 thoughts on “Say no to drama, get selfish!”
Three cheers for boundaries! Learning to set them is hard and enforcing them is harder, but the rewards are unbelievable. Great post.
Recovering people pleaser checking in. One of the things I’ve learned–and I told you this in a message–is to follow my instincts. Our instincts usually tell us when someone is dangerdrama. Also, I’ve learned to vocalize my boundaries. I can’t believe I had to wait until my mid-thirties to learn this, but being able to tell someone “I can only do this,” or “I can’t do this” and “I don’t give a damn whether you like my boundaries or not” has been rather freeing.
I would eliminate the world “selfish” from the vocabulary you use to describe yourself. I know some truly selfish and self-absorbed people, and you are clearly not of them. Being true to yourself and taking care of your health is not selfish; in fact, it’s rather kind. As I told someone, if I am not in a good place physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally then I can’t be good to others.
FREEDOM IN 2013 AND BEYOND!
I’ll refrain from writing a blog post in your comments, but YES! to all this. I’ve begun figuring out the same thing and ending friendships with folks who don’t reciprocate/are selfish has been so much easier and more freeing than I thought it would be!
Amen. No need to have those psychic vampires in your life, sucking up all your good energy. Boundaries are good. You can’t give all of yourself. It’s unhealthy.
I too am a recovering people pleaser and I was just telling one of my friends you need to just hang up on folks sometime. It’s all out the boundaries…
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