The mommies and why we need to get rid of them

This morning I got up at 6:20am…now let me tell you a little something about BGIM, I am not a morning person, let me repeat that again, I am not a morning person. Hell, for the past 11 years I have made my professional life align with the fact that I do not do mornings barring the first 8 months in Maine when the first job I landed here required I show up by 9 am. Yeah, I knew me and that job were not going to be together long. Not only am I not a morning person, but I require a bare minimum of an hour to sit in relative silence drinking coffee, meditating and just waking up. Now that the 6 year old is old enough she understands that to disturb Mama’s process is to risk having a not so happy Mommy all day!

So with that knowledge, you may ask well why the hell were you up so early? Oh, the kidlet! See, it was field trip day and when the trip was announced a few weeks ago, darling daughter asked if I would go? How could I refuse? A chance to hang with my kidlet at school, a visit to the apple orchard I have already been to this season and an 8:30 am departure time. Oh why the hell not?

Good mum that I am I made sure we arrived at school in a timely fashion; I even bathed for the occasion which considering the 8:30 start time is a miracle. Thank goodness I cut off all my hair otherwise I might have been late while battling the hair but now my cool few inches makes wash and go a reality.

So I show up, walk the kidlet into her class after signing in with the crunchy office worker who always gives the look of stankonia…yeah, yeah, fuck you and the horse you rode up on you cantankerous gremlin! I get my snazzy pass announcing that I am a volunteer and we are off to races! Turns out I was the first parental unit to arrive, score one for me being first at such an early hour! But let me tell you it went downhill from there. I had high hopes for the trip when the next 2 parents arrived and they were dads, they were pleasant we shared hellos and all held up the walls together. While the teacher read off a list of rules so damn long, I thought why are we even going. Hellooooo, telling kids who are going to an apple orchard that they must use inside voices makes no sense.

Then it started…the mommies arrived! First mommy up happens to be a member of my church and she gave me the look, you know the one that says why are you here? Same reason you are, you asshat! Then the other mommies arrived 4 total, rocking their snazzy outside gear, hair done, and full makeup. Ummmm, we are going to an orchard and it’s ridiculously early. Whatever! It only got worse from there as kidlet’s class proceeds to meet up with the other class that is going and I recognize a few other moms, one a doctor’s wife…damn, turns out I am under-dressed and I am rocking my new baby Grace Jones hairstyle. Fuck it! I am here for the kid.

So for the next hour or so, I pretty much keep to myself since aside from the dads, no one is talking to me, despite the big smile and warm eyes I projected, I got no love from the other Mums. Now you might think, maybe it’s you. Could be but I do know I saw this last year when I was a volunteer Mom and talking to other Moms that aren’t in the Mum clique they also have shared how the other mums made them feel less than. Heaven help you if you are a single parent working stiff whose schedule never allows for much face time at the school, you will always get the stankonia face from the other Mums.

At my kid’s school the cool Mommies are the ones who do PTO, volunteer often translation weekly or have the vaunted position of class mom. I am still trying to figure out when they posted the job listing for class Mom, no one asked for my resume.

All jokes aside, it seems not a week goes by when we don’t hear about bullying, yet I can’t help thinking we are our kid’s first teachers and they look to us as role models. If they see us not being nice or forming our own cool Mom groups, what lessons are they learning? When we tell them play with all the kids and be nice yet we only hang out in our own group, we are being disingenuous and our kids know it.

So before we start placing the blame on kids behavior on others, let’s stop and make sure that our actions and words line up and for goodness sakes, be nice to the other parents! We are all adults, shed your inner 16 year old!

8 thoughts on “The mommies and why we need to get rid of them”

  1. I was the single mom who tried to volunteer when I could. In my case the mom’s were oh so friendly, telling me I shouldn’t worry my pretty little head about volunteering when I had to “work”.
    It gets old, but it also changed from year to year. The most important thing I learned was how happy it made my son when I did volunteer. Frankly it never got better, but I am still glad I did it.
    PS I am a morning person (sorry) and usually was the one with hair and makeup done and got the eye from the parents in wind suits (can you tell my age from that;0 )

  2. Girl yous in the Big City. We rural folk are a bit more friendly like lol. I haven’t felt that way. Mostly everyone smiles and whatsnot. My kids have their besties and those are the ones I’m super cool with. Funny thing the mom that I deemed standoffish had actually turned into such a good friend. Aside from that I don’t really worry much about the other moms.

    And I have learned not to wear cute clothes to Orchard. Either it’s hot as hell or muddy. Either way being comfortable is the best way to go.

    When my daughter does the cheerleading competitions the parents from the Saco/Bidderford and the bigger areas are so snazzily dressed. I’m all for looking nice when it in public but wearing 3 inch heels while having to navigate high school bleachers just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. This year I’ll still be waiting for one of them to fall. I save my 3 inch for night out on the town followed by the bedroom not a kids sporting competition. But that’s just me.

    • Danielle,

      Not surprised that even in Maine there is so much diversity within the parents, yeah the parents down here are touched. I mean seriously, getting dressed up to be at an apple orchard at 9 am made no sense whatsoever to me! I do feel that down here in Southern Maine it really might as well be an extension of Massachusetts or something. A lot of the friendliness that I have seen up north is lacking down here.

  3. I went to my first PTO meeting this year at the middle school, trying to get involved. It was like an older version of Mean Girls, except there is no way these were the popular people. They were the socially awkward parents who finally found some way to be in control. The straight up ignored my comments and I refused to go back.

    • I think every school has this group. The mommies want their child to be oh-so-popular, so they are going to make darn sure their child has the “right” friends, does the “right” sports and activities and they are going to be there to pave the way. They want to pick who are the “cool” moms and they want to control all those extra-curricular events. They won’t include you, but they will complain to everyone how it’s only a core group of parents (them) who does all the extra work. Somewhere along the way it will fall apart for them – often because their child becomes overwhelmed and rejects their helicoptering. No child wants to feel engineered or controlled. Despite all the mommies’ machinations, children have a way of creating their own order. You are right that if the moms just worried about their own niceness and set that example, each child would be able to grow in the way that is right for him/herself and for the family.

  4. we’re homeschoolers now, but my son started out in public school. i cannot tell you how heartbroken i was when naive me showed up at kindergarten, excited and ready to volunteer and make new mom friends and “get in the loop”, only to get a bunch of cold shoulders. sad face. the mommies suck.

    • I feel the same way, last year I was eager to get involved and maybe even make new friends…now? Meh. Eff em!

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