This is a question that I get a lot these days as my son gets closer to 18. See, when we moved to Maine seven years ago, I figured I would do my time in Maine and when he turned 18, I would head back to Chicago my beloved hometown. Only problem is that life got in the way, it started off with the untimely and unexpected death of my mother and grandmother, the birth of my daughter as well as the purchase of our first home. When we bought the house it was during the real estate boom and we figured we would stay here 5 years or so…well this week marks 5 years that we have been in this house.
The truth is that I don’t know if and when I will leave Maine. Yeah, Maine can be a hard place to live as a Black person from one of the larger urban areas that many folks of color live (NYC, Philly, LA, Chicago, etc)…I mean Chicago the city has 3 million people in the city alone compared to the 1.5 million folks that live in the whole damn state of Maine.
So in the early days here I was in constant culture shock…then there is the practical stuff, like getting your hair done. Southern Maine has a whopping 2 hair salons that do Black hair and one of em is so bad that most Black folks her either travel to Boston, go natural or do their own hair. Which brings up another tidbit about living in the whitest state in the nation, even finding hair products to do your own hair can be hard especially if you want products geared towards Black hair. We have Sally’s Beauty Supply here but poor Sally’s Black section is real small…its a good thing I use natural products and have a fondness for Aveda products or else I would be shit out of luck.
Want to buy a lipstick and you aren’t white? Up until a few years ago, a trip to the makeup counter at Macy’s didn’t net a Black woman too much but we do now have a MAC counter so that helps a lot. A sista got tired of ordering online or heading to Boston for a damn tube of lipstick.
Making a nice soul food meal with collard greens? You can find collards here but they aren’t cheap, even at the farmers market in season I pay over $2 a pound for greens and you know you need a fair amount to make a pot. So I do string beans instead of greens most of the time and forget finding smoked turkey parts out here, its a good thing I still eat pork or else I would be really shit out of luck for indulging in my occasional nostalgia for southern food.
Yeah, people do still look at me like why the hell am I here especially when I am in an area that I don’t live in…or like this past weekend when I decided to eat at an establishment that looked like they had never seen a person of color step foot.
So you might wonder, why the hell aren’t you leaving anytime soon? In a nutshell, Maine has become home, Chicago will always be my hometown but Maine is my home. I have met some incredible folks here, the week after I came home from burying my mother, the Spousal Unit and I were out eating at a local eatery. The owner asked where I had been and I explained, well when I asked for the check he told me it was on the house, it was his way of offering condolences.
I could go on with random acts of kindness that I have only encountered in Maine, acts that are so powerful that it makes the occasional idiots less of an idiot. The physical beauty in Maine is amazing, its been 7 years and the ocean still mesmerizes me and the fact that its only a 10-15 min drive to the ocean is great.
The fact that small businesses here still use the honor system is also sweet, this weekend we picked strawberries at a local farm and the farmers were at lunch but rather than close the farm down they had a box sitting on a table so when you were ready to pay, you weighed your goods and put the cash in the box. Now being a big city girl, that tickles me pink…lets be honest, that would not fly back in Chi-town. Hell folks would either steal the cash or at the very least drive off without paying for the goodies. Or as my son likes to joke, the homeless folks would be in the fields eating up the food.
Its things though like this that really make me like Maine, in many ways its a simpler place and at this stage in life I enjoy a simpler life though I do wish I had more folks of color here especially since my best Black girlfriend here in Maine decided it was a wrap after 10 years and relocated to CT.
Plus there is the practical issue that should I leave Maine, where do I go? Going back home doesn’t make much sense since I don’t have a job or home to go back to. Hell, both my brother and father live in bachelor style apartments so they couldn’t even put us up while we get settled. Then there is that pesky issue that while the Spousal Unit is self-employed it costs more to live in Chicago and I can’t take my job with me, of course the fact that I now have a house for life provided I pay the taxes and insurance are all good reasons to stay a while.
No, I am in no rush to head back but I would like to see my financial situation get to the point that we can visit more often. So guess I won’t be leaving anytime soon.
I feel like this about Minnesota. There is about 3-5% black people in the metro Twin Cities area, so there was an adjustment curve for me when I moved here, but I do get tired of being the only black person at many functions, and I’m worried about raising my biracial daughter here. There are many, many, many, MANY interracial people here in Minnesota, (if ME is the whitest state, MN is the beigest) and they all seem so lost. My DH is from DC and I’m from the south side of Chicago, so we’re used to much more diversity than Minnesota can offer, but for now, this is home. The funny thing is, I tell my DH when we retire, I want a farm in ME, so go figure.
Hey,
I’m glad I came across your post. I’m a NYC native and currently in the process of transitioning from employee to employer. I attended school in DC and have lived in both MD and CT. I have 1 close friend in Portland, ME.
I’m doing research on whether ME will be a sustainable environment for an entrepreneur. I’ve constantly heard that ME is the “whitest” state in the union. A bit intimidating, ya think? Even so, there seems to be great opportunities to provide services that will also provide Blacks access to different cultural and hygienic needs.
I think your post is great!! For me, it provided a very honest outlook from a Black perspective without degrading others. Everyone deserves to feel at home, where ever they may find themselves. I’m looking for new experiences and possibilities.
I would be quite interested in corresponding via email. I plan to visit soon and scout out some areas. I would love to know what other thought you have about ME and it’s shortcomings as you see it.
Thanks again for your post.
Cian, my email addy is blackgirlinmaine@gmail.com, hit me up.
I think for the right person there are opportunities up here, as you suggested. Maine is not a bad place at all but anyone who is Black or a minority used to living in an urban area does have an adjustment curve. It took me almost 3 years to actually accept that I was here…I still have my days though.
Lets just say I wish someone had been blogging like this when I moved up here but there were no blogs back then. 🙂
I think the hair thing sucks. I loathe going to a salon, it’s expensive and I rarely get what I asked for, I still haven’t found anyone I like. I can see how you might feel alone in this, but I’m not sure you are, black or white hair, it all bites.
My food co-op carries the Applegate Farms brand smoked turkey breast–is that what you are iso? Have you been to any of these places? http://www.themaineswitch.com/story/view/2119 Friends of mine love the Freedom Cafe.
I think Maine gets in you unlike any other place I know (I’ve lived in MA and OH, also) . I’m glad you are thinking of ME as home, Shay.
Hi BGIM,
Try turkey bacon in the collards. They worked well for me once when I was in a pinch.
I moved here from Boston in 2000, with my wife and 2 young boys, after living in the Boston area for 25 years. Being white and liberal, i loved having the diversity of Boston. So much going on in so many of its neighborhoods. I used to photograph for the Middlesex News and covered events from Wellesley to Roxbury. I miss it. And I want our kids to experience it. They still learn to respect everyone they meet, but I feel they’re missing out on one of the gifts of life by living here. A this point, we have no plans to move, but I certainly would, in a heartbeat, if I can secure a job.
Thanks for this perspective — as a white Mainer I really cannot know what the state is like for you, but I can say that you are a good writer and a thoughtful observer, and I hope you stay.
What an awesome post I found when I googled Maine + strawberries! Certainly wasn’t expecting to find your post, but was just looking for a link to pick-you-own strawberry farms!
Funny, I had a smiliar experience, I moved to Maine for a job and had only expected to stay 3-5 years. Now, it’s been 14 years and I can’t imagine living anywhere else!
P.S. I often can meet my Southern food fixes by visiting Wal-Mart. I started getting homesick when I couldn’t find mesquite for my smoker. I’d been to Hannaford, and Shaws and even a private grocery store, but no luck. Then I remembered that Wal-Mart is out of Arkansas, and sure enough, they had exactly what I wanted.
Hi! I work with an online directory called “My Black Hair Salons” and we have been searching for reputable black hair salons in Maine. And to be honest, I am a little disappointed with the news that there are little to none up there. (I’m from the south)
Do you think there are stylists that work at white salons that are really good at what they do, but go unnoticed? There has to be at least 1! And if there are please let us know.
I feel you girl. I am about to get a small dose of what you’ve gone through for a long time. Being a “blackguyinpoland” is bizarre. Everyone stares at me wherever I go like I just jumped out of their television sets. The thing is, they are all very nice and I get no dirty looks. Hey, we end up where we end up for a reason though…Chicago is not the same so be careful what you wish for….Peace!
Hey sis.. I feel ya.,. thats how I feel about Toronto.. Chicago has not been the same after we lost the O.G.! Going back to Toronto this weekend reminded me that it is possible to make home somewhere else!