His mid-life crisis

This is a personal post, in that I am talking about the Spousal Unit and our marriage. While there are some who would say why do you feel the need to talk about such things in a public forum well its less about him to some degree and more about me and how I cope with these changes. By the way before I decided to write this post, I did talk with the Spousal Unit first to see if he was comfortable with me sharing in such a public forum.

The Spousal Unit is getting ready to turn 42, we have been together going on 15 years. Despite the ups and downs for the most part we have a pretty happy union. I think our happiness in many ways is about the fact that we are opposites. When shared friends learned we were dating, many were stunned since at that time we were about as opposite at least on the surface as two folks can be. For starters the man has always been a bit of a geek, a nerd and I don’t mean that in a pejorative sense. He will be the first to tell you he spent most of his life being the geek, what that meant was in high school and college he was the guy on the sidelines. Yet he didn’t let the fact that his geekiness prevented him from dating get in the way of life, he had great friends and enjoyed being a bookish chap. Hell at 41 he still has a great deal of his comic book collection from his youth.

When we got together it was the geek qualities that I loved though at times they were a smidge annoying, but hey he puts up with me. In recent years though the man has started to undergo a slow metamorphosis, suddenly in his late 30’s he became what I like to joke as geek chic. While it was a big thing when he had to accept the loss of his hair, it turned out that shaving it all off turned him into a bit of a cutie as shown by the fact that for the first time in his life the women started checking him out. He started playing with his facial hair, deciding at certain points to get rid of the full beard and experiment with goatees. Suddenly after a decade the man became downright sexy in his geekdom, add to the fact he is a great father and partner.

Well I always used to joke and wonder about the midlife crisis and was it real? See, my Dad’s mid-life cris involved seminary and becoming a pastor. Yes, I am serious. No new ladies or sports cars for Pops. Well it seems that my beloved husband is going through a mid-life crisis and thankfully it does not involve younger ladies and cars or seminary but…..drumroll please. Cigars and Cognac. Now out of respect for the fact that not everything needs to be shared online, I won’t get into all the details but lets just say the Spousal Unit has decided after a lifetime of always being the good guy that well he wants to experience life and for him that means being the kinda of man that relaxes with a good stogy and a glass of cognac.

I have to say this caught me off guard, after all he has always been a guy that liked a good handcrafted brew and most certainly not a smoker of any sort. I was initially distressed, accusing him of making sports cars and younger ladies his next step. See that SUV we got was his gateway drug! No, he explained he has simply decided there are things in life that he wants to explore and experience since he realizes our time here is limited and that at his age there is a good chance he is at the half way point of life and wants no regrets.

It took me a few days to calm down and come to consensus on the ground rules but what he said did hit a nerve. How many of us want to experience things even if they seem silly or ridiculous yet we never do? Life is too short to not have those experiences, so in some ways his mid-life crisis coupled with my own recent birthday serve as a reminder that our time is short and perhaps its time to ask myself what is it that I am holding back on? No answer yet.

As for the Spousal Unit and I, I plan on embracing this new edgier man who is finally fully comfortable in his skin enough so that he won’t hold himself back. I figure if his midlife crisis is a good cigar and a glass of even better cognac once a week, I need to accept it.

Now dear readers, for those of you who have hit mid-life or have partners who are there already, I ask is there anything you or your partner changed during this phase of life?

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  1. January 26, 2010
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