Wear many hats…it’s okay to be a sexual being

Someone recently chided me for making it seem as if only parents have uber busy lives that require juggling. It’s true; everyone has busy and complex lives that require a constant juggling act to keep all the balls in the air. The thing is when you are a parent, not only are you juggling your balls but there is also the realization that your time and money aren’t even your own. I think it’s one of the reasons that so-called Mommy blogs remain popular especially with moms of babies and younger kids, they serve as a reminder you aren’t in this race alone. I also suspect that is why Moms tend to congregate on social media and seek likeminded souls to kvetch to about the state of their lives.  You need to be able to get it out.

It’s funny when you think about the fact that in order to get a baby, you have to sex, yet once the babies arrives your sex life in some cases goes missing. In other words that same hopefully fun and lovely activity that made you a parent, goes missing. OK, maybe I am the only one who can’t manage it all, but all I know is that for the first few years of the girl child’s life sex was not on my mind. If someone said you can have a romantic night with the man or 10 hours of sleep in a room all alone…guess which one I would have picked. Yeah, sleep would have won hands down.

Even now, sure she is older and more or less predictable, but kids are funny. I sometimes think they have a sensor, they know when you are planning a romantic rendezvous after their bedtime. You know how it goes, you’ve been flirting via text or however with your partner, letting them know that tonight after dinner is eaten, the dishes are done and the kid is in bed that you want some loving time. Guess what? That is the night the kid basically decides to wear you out. Dinner goes wrong, fuck, everything goes wrong, next thing you know the kid is going to bed later than planned and despite your body saying you need it…you tell your partner yet again, sorry and veg out on the couch with the laptop and a pint of ice cream because the mood is just lost.

I have had a few  of those nights in my life, where the spirit is willing but the flesh says, no darling! In all honesty I think this happens to many mothers of younger kids but how many of us really share that? Have no fear, that’s why I am here! I’ll say it for you. Oddly enough in recent years one of the ways I have found to break out of that too tired rut is to dust off the lingerie or even go and search the back of the closet for the old adult toys. Yeah, this post is sponsored but regular readers ought to know me well enough by now to know, I keep it real.

Looking back in the early years of our relationship, I often played with lingerie and other items, but as the years went by, I just stopped. It doesn’t happen to all of us, but I suspect enough of us stop with the extras. Oh, for a while I even told myself, why do I need to go out of my way, blah, blah…well now when I do decide to dress up, it’s less about him and frankly more about me. Sex is physical, but good sex is mental and sometimes the visual can stimulate the mental. Sometimes you need to take off the yoga pants and sweats and just step into something silky or furry and get in touch with your inner woman that says now! Sometimes stepping into that “costume” or whatever you want to call it, is the visual cue to remind myself that I am not just a mom, wife, worker bee and all that jazz.

Funny thing is how few of us will cop to even owning sex toys, a few weeks back, after much talk on twitter about the Real Housewives of Atlanta and one of the women, Kandi  starting a sex toy line, I did a little poking around and found the clip and a subsequent piece by a fellow blogger. Once again, reminded that despite the fact we are all grown and in some cases have kids…hellooooo, visual proof that we are sexual beings. We still like to detach ourselves from the knowledge that we are sexual beings. Let’s stop this madness, let’s own our sexuality and revel in it, even if time and kids conspire to keep that part of ourselves hidden away.


This post is sponsored by Eden Fantasys.com

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