I have been physically capable of becoming a mother for the past twenty-five years, in that time I have been blessed to bring forth two new lives and it’s been a joy. Despite the ups and downs of mothering, to quote Maya Angelou “I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey”. However that chapter in my life is over, done, never to be seen again and it’s exciting.
My kids are exactly thirteen years apart in age and more times than I care to share, I have fielded nosy questions from well-meaning people who assume that my daughter’s earth side arrival was an accident. The funny thing is she was quite planned, I knew that I needed to have some distance between my kids in part so that I could do some much needed growing up and finding myself. It also seems the universe knew that I would need a large reserve of patience to handle my daughter’s larger than life personality.
When our daughter arrived, for several years afterwards I assumed I would eventually add a third child, one who would be closer in age to my daughter. Yet as the years have gone by, the truth is neither I nor the Man Unit have had serious interest in adding another child. I would get what I called the occasional uterus twinges when I saw a baby, but they were just that…twinges. My girl was and is a high spirited child who at times could test the patience of both Jesus and the Buddha. However her spirit is what makes her our special ray of sunshine in a family in introverts with extroverted tendencies. She forces me daily to get out of my own head which is a good thing.
This weekend though with the arrival of the college kid, after a few discussions about my son’s future plans which includes another tour for his music and a possible semester abroad. It hit me that I am done with babies. I have no interest in being pregnant, dealing with diapers or giving up sleep, now that I have again tasted the sweetness of sleeping late on weekends. I am reminded that for all the deliciousness of babies (is there anything sweeter smelling than a baby and baby’s breath?”) I am entering a stage in my life and the life of my partnership where being selfish is possible; where I can realistically juggle not only my needs but my wants as well as the wants and needs of my children. I take this as yet another sign that I am mentally and emotionally finished with the baby days.
So while I am filled with joy at the start of a new chapter, there is a certain sadness when a season in our lives ends even when we make the choice to end it. However like much of life, it will pass.
