Talking sexy is good for you!

Today’s post is inspired by a late night twitter conversation that I stumbled into that made me think on a few things. It seems like all of sudden, sex is everywhere and I am talking places you least expect it, like Middle America soccer moms.

Books like 50 Shades of Grey and movies like Magic Mike are being openly discussed, genital relaxation devices, can now be found on the shelf at your drug store and no longer require mail order or going into a store surrounded by creepy men who go in the back and get happy!. Sex is out and about and no longer just the purview of the young and sexy.

Terms like sex positive didn’t exist when I was coming up and I barely remember hearing terms such as pansexual. People are opening up more about interest in things such as S & M, even taboo topics such as open marriage has hit primetime.

For some people, all this sex talk is a bit too much with many people still feeling that sex is a private matter that should only be discussed between a few select folks. However for some of us especially those of us who grew up with religiously conservative backgrounds, reaching the point we can discuss sex without feeling a twinge of shame publicly is great.

Sex is natural, it serves a primal need, it helps keep the planet filled with new humans and it’s awesome when done well. I think that women in particular need to have a few people in their lives that they are comfortable talking sex with…it’s nice to know that your sudden surge in libido is perfectly normal. That as a women hits her late 30’s and early 40’s, in many cases her libido will shock the shit out of her and that she might be the one wearing her partner out on a regular basis.

While I still think 50 Shades of Grey is a craptastic book, it makes the seemingly unnatural seem natural to many women. Repressing ourselves sexually is stressful, limiting ourselves because something seems dirty, limits us. I think that stretching ourselves and growing as humans includes accepting and honoring the growth that our sexual selves ask of us as well.

So if you still find yourself blushing when conversations of sex come up, ask yourself why? Why hold onto someone else’s script on sexual matters. While discretion is always a good thing, as a tweep mentioned last night if one lacks an offline community where they can get raw and talks about such matters maybe cultivating connections online where you can talk safely is key.

I often find it funny that as popular as discussing babies and childrearing is, that we rarely talk about the process that made the babies possible. We often downplay the significance of such activities instead of honoring that sexual part of ourselves.

Talk sex, it will keep you happy and healthy and inspire you to have more of it which is always a good thing.

Exploration is okay and you really don’t need 50 Shades

A few weeks I read a piece online that mentioned mommy porn…I was initially like whoa! Then I discovered the piece was discussing a book that apparently many women in my age demographic are losing their minds over, 50 Shades of Grey by British author and mom E.L James. The way this book was described it took me back to the old Anais Nin that I used to read so I figured I had to check it out. Sadly even in my little town the hold list at the library for this book is pretty damn long so as a cheapskate, I did the next best thing I went to local book store and speed read the first 100 pages to see if it was worth buying. I am sad to say, I just couldn’t see parting with my hard earned shekels and I am hardly a literary snob. Hell, most of my fiction taste is pretty damn low brow but to be honest 50 Shades reads like something out of my teenage fantasies. It was embarrassingly bad, though I suppose if one likes to read while *clearing throat* pleasuring oneself then 50 Shades might have some value.

I pretty much tried to erase what I read of 50 Shades out of my memory but since this book has so many jazzed up; it’s been hard to do. In fact I watched this clip from 20/20 a few weeks ago that talks about so called changes in marriages and relationships and it featured this book along with other tasty tidbits of happenings or shall we say trends in marriage (BDSM, polyamory) but it was a chat with a tweep this morning about 50 Shades that made me reconsider my initial thoughts about 50 Shades.

Books like 50 Shades allow women at least in their minds to step out of the socially prescribed sex box. Let’s face it for all our sexy attire and whatnot, at the end of the day at least here in the US, we are fucking puritans when it comes to sex. Seriously we are, ever try having a conversation even with a close friend about sex outside of the ooey gooey making love baby making sex? In most cases no matter how tight you are, your friends will give you the pinch faced oh dear look. Ever try admitting you own a flogger or two and like playing with hot wax and getting flogged? In many circles you might get met with a less hostile expression if you confessed to chopping your partner up and stuffing him/her in the freezer because the bastard wouldn’t change a diaper and snores too loudly.

When it comes to sex and sexual matters, most of have a hard time admitting even to our partners that we want to break out of the tried and true stuff. However thanks to 50 Shades you have women willing to admit that hey I have desires and want to take a walk on the wild side. I have to say if people are willing to explore their sexuality and step out of the sex box, that’s a pretty good thing. Though I admit it saddens me that so many women are not comfortable owning their sexuality and willing to experiment within their relationships without a book that makes it acceptable.

For too many of us, anything that is not “normal sex” is seen as deviant, so when a nice middle aged, middle class mom writes a book that features some kink, it becomes safe. But the truth is all consensual sex should be seen as normal, as long as you feel safe with your partner/s and are fully consenting, nothing should be seen as bad or deviant. Frankly I am of the mind there are few things sexually that are deviant, frankly I strive to be sex positive no matter how that is seen by others.

So if 50 Shades gets your motor running, go with it, hell the sky’s the limit, after all we have imaginations. So get ya freak on, but can we do away with calling it mommy porn? Seriously, women reading a book that gets them hot and bothered does not need to be called mommy porn.