I am telling you right now, what I am about to say may be offensive to some, for that I apologize but I really need to say this…Now I consider myself a pretty open minded person. To some degree I have to be, I mean look I am a Black woman who happens to be married to a white guy with biracial kids who lives in Maine of all places. That type of background by its very nature should tell you that I am a pretty open person.
I have all kinds of folks in my life that I call friends ranging from raging Christian fundamentalists, gay and lesbians, pagans….really the whole range but some things, I am sorry I just don’t understand. I have recently run across some folks who consider themselves poly-amorous. In case you are not familiar with that term it means they are in relationships with multiple folks at the same time and everyone is aware of the situation….sorta like modern day swingers.
Now I don’t have a problem with folks who swing, but I am talking folks in families with kids and mutiple partners…maybe its my Christian roots showing but I don’t get that. So if you swing , can you enlighten a sista because honestly the more I hear about this, the more I find myself scratching my head going why?
I will be honest, I have always stated that I think in every relationship there should be one get out of jail card free…practically speaking that means you get one time to stray and I am not talking a full fledged relationship with someone else. I am talking you got drunk, skunky drunk and shit happens. Long as you are honest with me (don’t have me going to the gyno with burning or bumps) then we can work through it.
Now I know you are wondering wtf???? Didn’t she just say she is not down with polyamory? I did but for me what I am talking is a one time you fuck up card. Thankfully neither the Spousal Unit or I have ever called in that card and chances are we never will but I did start our marriage putting it out there because I figure if we are married at least as long as my folks were (31 years) I can forgive one lapse in judgement over a lifetime together. Now I would probably be unpleasant for a bit but it would not be the death of the relationship.
However having a regular girl or boy on the side is a problem and talking about moving that person in…well that is up there with I don’t get it. Maybe its me but logistically how the fuck does that work? Baby, I am with so and so tonight. More importantly how do 3-4 folks engage in a loving relationship all at the same time that presumably is sexual?
See, I feel like if feelings for another ever got that deep than maybe its time to reevaluate the primary relationship, I am sorry but that sort of love triangle seems like recipe for someone snapping and losing their mind. Not to equate myself with God but in the Old Testament of the Bible it says thou shall no other Gods before me and that he is a jealous God. Well I feel like thou shall have no other adult love interest but me for I am a jealous wife….yeah, that sounds bad but as someone who is often pushed to the max emotionally the idea of splitting myself emotionally with two men sounds like even more work that having one man. KWIM?
Then there is the issue of kids, how does one explain multiple parents? No, I am serious. Even here where I live parents with 2 moms and 2 dads well that’s normal at least in my world, but 2 dads 1 mom or 3 moms and 1 dad…I don’t get it and part of my writing this is not to bash anyone but to honestly say if you have this sort of situationm please tell me how it works because I have just presented all the reasons why I don’t get it.
I mean what woman hasn’t said she wished she had a wife? Got PMS and the ole man is horny, send your co-wife instead, that I get but what happens when I need some love and my co-wife got the love allotment? See, that would be problematic at least for me.
So excuse me if I was crass and offended you but the beauty of blogging is that I get to say what I want and even look for ways to expand my mind….happy Friday.