Why is it as women we often (not always) have a tendency to place ourselves last in the needs hierarchy? We often take care of our children, partners, parents, friends and whoever else is in need of mothering but take care of ourselves? Nope, it somehow feels selfish and for many of us we can’t even muster up the courage to ask for what it is we want and in some cases need.
I struggled with this today as I tentatively tapped out an email making a very legitimate request of someone for something I frankly need and most would say am well deserving of. In many ways I have made headway with this thorny issue as in the past month the Spousal Unit and I have deconstructed our marriage and are putting it back together. Yet it took being pushed to the brink of speaking the dreaded D-word…D as in divorce to actually get to what it is I want and need in our marriage.
Funny thing in our case these issues that lead us to that point have been lurking beneath the surface almost the entire length of our marriage, yet despite being with my best friend, asking for what I really needed never occurred to me. I know I am not alone in this as I know too many women both in my day to day life and in my virtual life who struggle to take the hour they need daily to exercise, meditate or whatever, instead feeling guilty for being in need.
It’s interesting to me how women still on average earn less then men, deal with frankly more bullshit in the workplace yet how many of us really speak up? Oh by all means if someone is truly harming us most of us will speak up, but too many times we sweep things under the rug, play the good girl and as I am learning it harms us.
So what about you, are you asking for what you need or want in your professional and personal life? Have you had to overcome that tendency to put yourself last? Let’s talk… I am still trying to figure this all out and would love to hear where others are.
1 thought on “Asking for what we want”
I know the feeling. Guilt for taking time, focusing on yourself, placing the world around you on pause so you can press reset. But how can you nurture the people around you if you don’t know how to take care of yourself? Sometimes practicing the mental trick “when I take time for myself, I can serve others better” helps me get over the guilt.
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