Exposing Myself…finding me

I have a confession, since the age of 15, I have worn make-up almost daily. Now that is funny because I grew up with a mother who rarely wore anything other than lipstick, in fact it was only when she was in the midst of battling cancer and coping with hair loss and a host of other side effects from chemo did she start wearing makeup.

In my case I initially started wearing make-up because it was fun and then somewhere between 16-20, it became my mask, a way to hide me and present myself as whoever I wanted to be. When wearing a full mask aka face full of makeup I could be bold, I could be sassy, I guess I felt I could be all the things I was not when I was bare faced… exposed.

However a few weeks ago as we are dealing with what seems to be a rather hot and humid summer, I realized my face was breaking out in pimples and at 35 pimples are not something I want to deal with. So I showered one day, put my locs up and didn’t bother to put on my normal foundation/powder, instead I just put on some lipstick and was ready to go. I did it the next day and after a few days, the pimples went away, but instead of putting on my mask aka make-up, I decided against it and now I can’t tell you when the last time I put on makeup aside from lipstick.. I love my MAC lipsticks, you will have to pry em out of my hands.

Now what started out as a way to get rid of pesky pimples actually has grown into something much larger, see when I turned 35 early this year, it was like something went off inside of me and there has been what I call a shift in my life. Part of that shift has been studying feminist spirituality, reaching my weight loss goal after 2 long years on Weight Watchers but really just this mental shift where I feel like I love me, I know me and no matter what anyone says its all good. No longer do I get upset at other people and hang on to negativity, I brush that shit off now as fast as I flush mini-me’s poop down the toilet. Let that shit go. My love/hate relationship with family is mostly over, they are who they are and I cannot change them all I can do is change my way of dealing with them.

No, this has been the year that I have come into my own as a woman, even though I had my first baby at 19, its only now that I can say I am a grown woman. I suspect that while I felt the change this year, in  some ways I think it started with my Mom’s passing 4 years ago.

As a grown woman, I no longer need a mask, because I can be bold, sassy and anything else I want or need to be without hiding. Though should I want to put on a mask, that too is ok, but in wearing the mask, I need to be clear on why I am doing it.

For me makeup was my clutch, my mask but perhaps you have something that you to hide behind, perhaps now is a good time to decide whether its time to let it go.

9 thoughts on “Exposing Myself…finding me”

  1. Wow, I’m blowing up your blog today (do people even say that anymore? lol)…

    I too don’t think you need any makeup. How about posting a pic of that gorgeous bare face? 😉

    You already know about my passion for nappy hair so I won’t go into it but…I’ve never been a huge makeup fan and ironically it was only after I turned 40 that I decided I should probably do something with my eyebrows and the stray chin hair that pops up every now and again. Groomed eyebrows really makes a difference in my look. Too bad I have to go to a major city to get them done (I like threading; I go to a great place on Devon Avenue when I’m in Chicago). Aside from lipgloss and (maybe) a little mascara, that’s about it for me and makeup on most days.

    As for your question about letting something go…Possibly the biggest lesson I learned upon entering my 40s is that 98% of what I thought was my shit ain’t my shit. So this decade so far has been all about letting go of other people’s shit…about my (their) appearance, my (their) life choices, my (their) finances, etc. As far as I’m concerned I’m as grown as I need to be…which may not fit most people’s definitions of grown, but hey…not my problem…

  2. Hello there!

    i don’t wear make up AT ALL… the most I will put on is mascara and that only happens a few times a year…

    The funny thing is that MOST women think that I have on make up when they look at my skin and my lips… I tell them… nope…I don’t have foundation on, this is my bare, soap-scrubbed face…nope i don’t have on lipstick….my lips are really that color..yes…these are my real lashes…REALLY!

    AMEN for those who dare to let their natural beauty shine!!

    Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

  3. i had a hard time wearing makeup all my life. I have to force mysel to carry it around but i still can understand about wearing “masks” through life.

    But i would never go a over two months with a perm in my nappy head.

    feeling you

    in Motown


  4. I’m pretty damn fond of how you look with some MAC on your lips…but I have to agree with your Bro that you don’t NEED any makeup with those genes you got.

  5. What is this NARS you speak of? Maine is such a backwoods, when I first moved here they didn’t even have a MAC counter needless to say I am so behind on the make-up scene. 35 really does feel like a good age, still kinda young though I do sometimes feel a few twinges that let me know I am not so young. LOL

    @Piroutte, I have been relaxer free almost 9 years now and it is freedom, every now and then I see a sista with a nice relaxed do and get a twinge but mostly I am at peace with my hair.

  6. Great post! I am loving 35 I feel like I am settled into me and it’s fabulous. These days I know who I am and can’t be shaken or stirred unless I’m making martinis or sitting on top of a washer machine! *lol*

    For me my breakthrough has been love and vulnerability and realizing that being in love is not a sign of weakness. I have not children and I am divorced but I have managed to do very well for myself these days and I’m proud of that. At 35 I’m paying more attention to me and seeing improvements from take care of me.

    I think at 35 I have found complete and total acceptance of who I am and even though there are things I want to change about me if they don’t change I am ok with that. I love me for who I am today. I spend these first five years of my 30’s just stripping down and getting to know who I was my soul not my projected me and I must say I like me.

    Now me I am such a beauty junkie right now I am all about NARS lipgloss it makes anything better even my drug store lipsticks. *lol*


  7. Well, at the age of 30, you will not catch me without foundation on! Unfortunately, my complexion is not the greatest, so I feel like no make-up is not a choice for me. I wish I had perfect skin and could go out without make-up. What freedom that would bring!

    I find it interesting that ever since I stopped perming my hair, I feel much more independent, grown, and sexy! I don’t know. There is just something about not being a slave to chemicals that boosts my spirits.

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