Like the vast majority of women, particularly those on social media and cell phones for a couple decades or so now, I am no stranger to men being overly—shall we say—“generous” with displaying their dicks for me when I didn’t ask to see their junk…and often when I don’t even know the person.
Hell, I was even repeatedly harassed by a guy in the town I used to live in when I was still hitched to the coparent. A guy who humped lampposts and benches and did other assorted oddities. Yes, before you point it out to me, I know he had mental illness issues. But he also targeted and low-key stalked me in a way that was pretty structured and deliberate. It’s possible both to be mentally ill and to be skeezy. He was both, and I had to involve the police eventually as things got increasingly creepy and dangerous for me.
I’ve had more than my share of unsolicited dick picks, including in recent memory from someone whose dick I was actually occasionally intimate with. That wouldn’t be so bad, except one time when I was in a bad patch with family health issues and such, he sent one to “comfort” me. Why he thought his penis shot was what I would need at a time like that is beyond me.
We women have had to put up with this juvenile, insulting and frankly abusive behavior for a long time. When I was a kid, it was flashers showing their block and tackle publicly. Now we get them still in person and dudes texting their junk to us.
I am not kidding when I say this is abusive. Sexual assault. Let’s not mince words. Whether in person or digitally, if you are shoving your dick at me without consent, you are assaulting me. We already have to worry about even seemingly upright and polite guys turning dangerous on us on dates or in relationships, given the rather high propensity for men to engage in sexual assault without a second thought because “they deserve it” or “it’s no big deal.” So the added disgusting displays of peen are not welcome to most of us and you need to stop it.
And now dudes have a couple high-profile white guys to model and to defend.
I’m sure most of you know that famous lawyer and legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin exposed himself during a Zoom call. A business-related Zoom call to do some kind of election simulation. With multiple people on it, including women. And he was rubbing one out right there.
I don’t care that he says he thought he had muted himself and wasn’t visible to anyone else. To be really honest, I don’t even believe him. Regardless, though, one should not be jacking off during a business meeting, particularly where video connections are involved. There’s just no excuse. You shouldn’t wank your junk under a conference room table during a meeting; you shouldn’t rub one out during a video call either. It’s unprofessional, gross and like I said before, abusive.
Now it seems he’s lost positions at the New Yorker and CNN at the very least, and I’m glad. If you can’t wait until after the Zoom call to do your business, you have no business doing public business and making a mint off of it. Crawl back to your hole.
But the really shocking thing was how many other guys—mostly other white guys because who sticks together better than white men?—defending him. Saying how those of us complaining are shaming men for having needs and shaming the act of masturbation.
Look, me and a lot of other women love masturbation. Hell, we and our male counterparts have in many cases had to really go hard on that during pandemic isolation. Most of us are fine with jacking off. Sometimes when its consensual we even like watching you do it. But this wasn’t consensual and it wasn’t the time or place. And to defend Toobin’s actions is to defend sexually inappropriate and abusive BS. You have needs? Great! Fulfill them on your own time and in private.
A lot of y’all men need to snatch up and correct your peers if you want to go spouting “not all men” stuff because you as a group are notorious for this kind of stuff. Clean your houses and collect your wayward men-friends…and their wayward peens. Then maybe we can stop looking at men as a sketchy collective.
This being the 21st century, and being 2020 in particular—a year that needs some serious therapy to get its shit together—we couldn’t even go a full week before another prominent white guy stuck his hand down his pants when he shouldn’t have: Rudy Giuliani, former New York mayor and idiot pundit and Trump lawyer.
In Sacha Baron Cohen’s upcoming sequel to his 2006 film Borat (which I adored), Giuliani does a number of inappropriate things while thinking he’s being interviewed by a conservative female reporter (actually an actress portraying the daughter of the Borat character). Reaching down into his pants to touch his junk before “Borat” (Cohen) jumps in and confronts him is just the grossest thing apparently.
Rudy can argue it was a “hit job” all he wants. That’s Cohen’s main schtick, all right? You got caught being skeezy. Simple as that.
All I can say is that while many of us ladies (and men) like some dick, y’all need to keep your dicks in your pants and out of your hands more often. Keep it private, unless we damn well ask for it. Mind your manners and keep it professional. Stop being dicks, and leave your dicks out of everyday interactions where they have no business being.
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