It’s Hump Day Wednesday, let’s take a walk through the BGIM hood and meet the cast of characters that keep me on my toes…the good, the bad and even the ugly! People that I meet in this journey called my life.
Note: These are sketches based on groups of people I know, do you really think I would write about any specific person online? Of course not!
Tell it all Tallulah: For as long as I can remember I have been a magnet for people who want to tell me all their problems. Tell it all Tallulah seems to think I am a therapist or Oprah, when really I just want to say stop…do you really think I want to hear your problems? Fuck, I have my own problems. Tell it all Tallulah means well and thinks that we are bonding, when in reality I am just providing my ears because I haven’t figured out a tactful way to say shut the fuck up.
Whiny Wanda: Wanda likes to whine and lives in a permanent state of woe is me, unlike Tallulah, Wanda whines about any and everything, including her ingrown toe nails. Whiny Wanda annoys me and makes me want to hit her in the throat to put her out of her misery since clearly she is unhappy and couldn’t find happiness if it walked up to her and gave her a soul kiss. Wanda, could you at least be like Tallulah and have real drama if you are going to burden me with your shit?
Know it all Ned: Know it all’s come in two types I have decided, there is the look at the big brain on Brad type that sort of means well and might occasionally be useful. Like when I have a technical issue and then there is the Know it all type that only wants to showboat how smart they are and pretty much likes to let you know how not smart you are. In any event Know it all’s can go either way, helpful as fuck or punch em in the throat along with Wanda.
Braggy Bridget: Braggy Bridget is the perfect frenemy, sometimes you think you are friends until you realize most of your exchanges are about how wonderful her life is and what she is doing. Braggy Bridget seems to have a knack for calling you when you are having the day from hell and launching into the perfect soliloquy about her upcoming trip or fabulous whatever, yeah, I want to punch her in the throat too.
Share it Susie: Susie was the perfect tattle tale back in grammar school and now as an adult, she likes to know about everyone and shares everyone’s business. You generally learn about Susie’s lack of control after she has spilled the beans about your life and you are caught with your mouth open and the flies coming in. Don’t even punch her in the throat; avoid her like this new and improved clap running loose. Share it Susie will screw you.
Down Doretha: Doretha is Debbie Downer’s favorite cousin, you spend an hour with Doretha and suddenly you are depressed and contemplating how much longer you will be alive. Doretha is a fucking energy vampire, avoid at all costs. You can’t even afford to spend 5 minutes with Down Doretha…she is that deadly.
Snarky Shells: Shells is snarky but too many times her snark crosses over into meanness and unless you are in the mood, avoid Snarky Shells, another energy vampire. When I spend too much time with Snarky Shells, she brings out my own inner mean girl…never good.
Never my fault Nan: Nan’s life is a constant roller coaster of shit, life is always a drama and Nan never has anything to do with the shit that happens to her. Nan is often an amazing friend but too many times she is unavailable because she is putting out the brush fires called her life that pretty much erupt every day since Nan never reflects or plans. Nan is that friend it’s often hard to break away from because Nan is lovable and fun, it’s just that the older she gets, the drama gets harder to deal with.
Ride or Die Rita: Rita is the ultimate friend, always has your back and meets you where you are when you need it. Rita has her bad days too but unlike all the others understands the concept of the word balance. One can never have too many Rita’s in their life but rarely do we have enough Rita’s…what a shame.
Thank you for visiting BGIM-land where there is never a dull moment!
PS: I am playing with different writing styles and how to use humor in my writing, so I would love your feedback.