October 6, 2012

8



Shit Happens

It’s raining, it’s pouring, BGIM is cracking

There are times when to be frank, being an adult just sucks. It sucks long and hard and right now in BGIM land I am not digging this adult thing. Clearly 2012 has decided to end on one of those notes, where it doesn’t just rain, but it fucking pours.

I have worked hard to not allow myself to get too bummed out about life and in recent months, I have tried to refrain from getting too personal online for a variety of reasons. As I have become very aware of the criticism that can be leveled at so-called mom bloggers for the life decisions we make, I decided that I have enough stress in life without leaving myself open to the harsh words of people I don’t know. I tend to brush off most people and criticism but I know when I am stressed, my defenses are down and I am more inclined to take things personally and after seeing my dreams literally needing to be held together with a Hefty bag and masking tape this week, I am feeling vulnerable and emotionally fragile.

Writing is my outlet and it always has been and after weeks of writing in the journal and talking to my inner circle, I am taking my woes public…I admit I have an ulterior motive but rest easy I am not about to hit you up, but I will have a request.

The drama started a few weeks ago when I went to the dentist, if you have been a long time reader of BGIM, you may recall that in late 2010 and in early 2011 I had some dental woes. Back in 2010 I went to the dentist and was told I needed 5 fillings and possibly 1 crown, but we were still struggling to get back on our feet financially, so I needed to delay the work. Not long after that assessment I had not one but two dental emergencies that required extractions and was still saving up my shekels to get the original work well done. It took some time but I did it and trust me when you are struggling to regroup, getting $1800 together for dental work feels good. Only problem is now almost 2 years later, those 5 fillings are now 5 crowns and $1800 worth of work has morphed into almost $9000 worth of work.

I admit I was momentarily stunned, but figured somehow we could make this happen, hell I even looked into going out of the country which is still a possibility since the cost of the work will be almost halved even with travel costs. It’s bad but hey, my credit is on the upswing since it turns out I did qualify for Care Credit, the credit racket to pay for medical/dental expenses that aren’t covered by insurance. The interest rate is only a cool 26.99%, I am fairly sure a guy named Uncle Vinny might be cheaper.

So while I was sitting here trying to save my teeth, shit really happened, some involving family which means those stories aren’t mine to share but the expense meter is running.

The final straw came a few nights ago, when I was standing in my kitchen making a cup of tea and I heard an ominous sounding boom over my head. We live in a single family house and right over the kitchen is part of the Spousal Unit’s office and one of the lower roofs of our multi-roofed house. When you hear an ominous sounding boom over your head and there are no other tenants over your head it is not a good thing, in fact all that boom really means is that your new BFF is about to be a guy called a general contractor.

The long and the short is it looks like we need a new ceiling and while the lovely Spousal Unit has offered to give it a shot, he has many talents but home improvement isn’t one of them. In fact I was more nervous when he started poking around after we saw the ceiling tiles bulging after the boom and we found beams, drywall and wires. However when we realized the tiles were bulging at 9pm at night, with no idea who to call, there was no choice but to let the lovely man poke around and come up with a temporary fix since the area was almost directly over the stove. So tomorrow we start the estimate process with contractors but in the meantime, the man has patched the main hole with a Hefty bag and masking tape. Here in BGIM land we keep it real, fuck duct tape, we got masking tape.

My ole man’s handy work…ain’t it ugly and tacky?

Then just when this week couldn’t get any worse, at 5pm yesterday I get an email from a partner agency that my agency works with, it seems the benefit concert I have been busting my ass to plan is scheduled for the same night in the same complex as our partner’s fall auction. It seems the human whose job it is to know this shit, didn’t realize that our agencies share funders and donors so having our events on the same night is just bad. Oh, and did I tell you about the email I had received an hour before that about the push for fall fundraising. See, the Executive Director of a non-profit especially at a small-medium sized agency is basically just the beggar in chief, oops that would be fundraiser.

So it’s raining, pouring, and just plain old storming in BGIM land, but I have a plan and that’s where I need your help. After mulling it over for a few weeks, despite the fact that I now officially have a full-time job, I need to take on some extra work aka freelancing. I have been in touch with my very real network offline letting folks know I am open to taking on grant writing clients again as well consulting clients, sleep is overrated anyway. Now I am casting my net to my virtual community, I know I have writing/blogging pals that read here and if you have any leads for paying gigs (sorry, I am only working for cash these days) and are up for sharing, please let me know. I had toyed with taking a holiday gig, but my schedule really doesn’t allow me to commit to shift work since the downside of my job is evening meetings and this time of year is one of our busiest with the holidays. Since needy folks tend to be even needier during the holidays but I can give up sleep and write and research.

I admit for a moment I had thought about doing a crowdfunding thing but honestly there are so many people doing em with so many things that need to be funded, that really what’s special about my shit? Not a thing and my past experience in online begging  tells me I better stick with what I know, which is grant-writing , writing and consulting. That said, if you just won a million bucks, feel free to use the tip jar on this blog, I am not turning down nothing but my collar at this point!

Lastly if you are a good thoughts/vibes or prayer person, keep the BGIM clan in your thoughts, good thoughts mean a great deal at this point. So if this space suddenly goes dark or posts aren’t as often as they have been, it’s probably a good sign that I am busting my ass with work.

 

PS: As for the dental issues, I have looked at all low cost options which in Maine as a rural state are greatly limited and no we don’t have a dental school in Maine. When I tweeted the dental drama as it was happening, I received many good suggestions but the upside of running a social service agency is that I know all about social services in my area.

 

July 2, 2012

0



Random babble, Shit Happens

Mama is tired of always being on stage

I have a case of the blahs, not the blues more like I am tired of always being on…one of the downsides of living in Maine is that I don’t have ready access to the support system I used to have. To be honest right now, my lack of sista support has got me frazzled, always putting on the good face and being the nice lady sometimes wears on one’s soul. That duality that DuBois wrote of many years ago is real and now that it’s official I won’t be getting away for a few days as I had hoped, I feel like the kid that woke up on Christmas to nothing under the tree. It will pass, it always does, but hey I am human and I take the good with the bad!

I ran across this oldie but goodie, I used to listen to this a lot when it was just me and the college kid, it got me through many a bad day, so I am sharing it.

June 23, 2012

1



Blogging, Random babble, Shit Happens

I am too proud to beg!

The decision to write a personal blog and share details of your personal life is an incredibly vulnerable experience and while it can bring many rewards it can also bring much criticism. In the past year, the criticism that I have heard from readers at times has left me incredibly raw and on the brink of saying the hell with it though I have continued on.

Lately my vulnerability has been on full display as I decided to enlist my readers to help me reach a goal, but tonight I am pulling the plug. Not so much because of the criticism but because frankly I am no one’s beggar and asking for assistance online frankly feels like panhandling.

In the 15 plus years that I have been in the non-profit sector, I have worked my way up from a grunt position that barely paid more than minimum wage to being an Executive Director and consultant. I did it by working hard, being true to myself and never wavering in my integrity. I never begged anyone to get where I am professionally and as much as I want to make some changes in my life, if it involves me begging, it’s not going to happen.

It’s become clear in the past couple of days especially as my son who when he is not being a college student or moonlighting as an up and coming artist, got a call about going on tour with one of his musical idols, that trying to go to BlogHer ’12 was probably going to be more trouble than it’s worth. Since my kiddo is pulling double duty working for me this summer and he needs some time off at the same time I would be in NYC. It wouldn’t be impossible but with me gone, it would stretch my already small crew.

As much as I want to go to this conference, what I want more is to grow as a writer and I suspect I don’t need this conference to make that happen. More like a cabin in the woods and time.

So to those who have supported me, I say thank you, to date approximately $160 total has been raised to send me to BlogHer’12. If anyone who donated wants a refund, please let me know otherwise I will use all funds to cover the costs of hosting this site and for upkeep and even a cup of coffee. I have put the tip jar back up, as always if you enjoy what you read here, feel free to tip your writer. I accept very little in the way of paid advertising, so tips keep me going since I put in a fair amount of hours into this blog on a weekly basis. I do it as a labor of love, but hey, I ain’t rich so cash is always good.

So sit back and continue to enjoy the musings of a Black Girl in Maine!

 

 

January 9, 2012

1



personal growth, Random babble, Shit Happens

What a week…words fail me

This past week was a doozy! Frankly the past several weeks have been cray cray as the hip cats like to say but last week was one that sucked me dry; the only redeeming factor in last week is that college boy was home. When both my babies are under my roof, it tends to brighten my outlook on life immensely.

Last week was moving week for my organization, regular readers know I head a small faith based non-profit and when I say small I mean small. Fundraising did not go as well as we had hoped so in the end, we enlisted an army of volunteers to form a rag tag group to get everything into the new space. Most of my work has been trying to set up the new center and weed through trash. Good times…not!

Anyway this post isn’t about my job or how shitty my week was because really it wasn’t that bad, just physically demanding. This post is about how sometimes we get so caught up in living our lives that we aren’t present and sometimes, just sometimes we really do need to be present because maybe it could make a difference.

A few days ago while thick in the midst of lifting boxes and trying to get the office set up, I took a break and went to the pizza joint a few doors down from my office. It’s a small town and thanks to my job, most businesses know me, so I figured I’d shoot the shit with the owner while waiting for my order. Frankly I wish I had skipped that break, but I didn’t.

I was greeted with the news, had I heard that Mr. X, another local business owner had committed suicide? BGIM say what? See, Mr. X was one of the owners of the bar that was next door to my center before our move…a bar next door to a faith based community center make for strange bedfellows. However since Mr. X and his partner had taken over the place, I found them far more respectful than the previous owner; he seemed like a decent guy often stopping in and speaking with me. A few times we had had conversations where it was clear something was on his mind but to be frank I deal with people and their problems all the time and lately have been in a I don’t want to hear it mindset. I regret that now, not because I could have stopped the path he chose but maybe had I done more actual listening, the guy would have known someone was listening to him.

It turned out that Mr. X had a checkered past, a very checked past, but apparently I was one of the few people who did not know this. It seems that in buying the bar, Mr. X was attempting to turn his life around but I guess it didn’t happen. The last time I saw Mr. X was just hours before he took his own life, leaving behind a child who is now father-less. I feel bad because he clearly wanted to talk to me and all I wanted to do was leave the office and get home to enjoy the holidays with my family. I won’t lie this bothers me on a deep and visceral level.

I am not a social worker by training since my education is in management of non-profits though I spent years doing case management nor am I an official clergy member. Yet in my job, people clearly expect and need someone to listen to them and I admit it’s a struggle at times, but in the end I know I need to do it. Furthermore we all need to listen, I am struck by in general how casual we are with words these days, snark is entertainment, how little compassion we have in general. I read this piece by one of my favorite bloggers tonight which inspired me to write this even though there is not a direct connection. We are living in a time where many people don’t have connections near them and for some they go online to make connections yet others will poo poo them or look down on them. I am starting to re-evaluate my life and thinking that not only do I need to be present for myself and my family but for anyone the universe has decided should cross my path.

In the end none of us may be able to save another, but we can make a difference by meeting everyone with a smile and our presence.

August 30, 2011

7



Mental Health, personal growth, Random babble, Shit Happens

Superwoman lost her cape….

I should have known, I should have seen it coming especially since I knew I was well over due for the fall but in recent years as I have learned to manage the anxiety that I have struggled with since the age of 19 I got complacent and well that bitch hit me today like a ton of bricks. Depression, my nemesis and the companion to the chronic anxiety that I have lived with now for half my life has decided to rejoin the party and she is not welcomed.

This is the type of post where literally as I type it I wonder am I saying too much. Perhaps I am sharing too much of myself with people I don’t know then I remember a dear friend EH who I lost to suicide many years ago and remember that unspoken truths can become deadly. In EH’s case a happy, calm, helpful façade disguised deep pain that eventually came out when EH took his Chicago Police Dept. issued service revolver and ended his life. Yet the happy façade had cracks, cracks no one chose to see, not even someone in a helping profession who in the past has literally accessed whether or not someone needs mental health assistance.

In my journey with anxiety that later blossomed to include a side of depression, I have worked hard to stabilize myself, at times using medication and therapy, sometimes together and sometimes alone. I have learned my triggers and generally I avoid them at all cost. It is the one reason I have pretty much made the decision not to drive, driving triggers my anxiety, and once I get on the anxiety roller coaster it gets bad. Yes, it is a hard decision to make but my health and well-being rank a little higher than my ability to drive at this stage in my life. Learning to limit the triggers has served me well, throw in the yoga and meditation that I took up over two years ago and well I have been feeling like a brand new person. Sure I have a bad day here and there but nothing that downward dog and pranayama breathing can’t pull me through. I have been Wellbutrin free for years and haven’t even needed a bottle of Rescue Remedy, yeah it was good.

Things started to feel so good that I forgot, I forgot that when I don’t actively know my limits and accept them that I push too hard, too fast, hell I become Superwoman and I have been on a Superwoman high for a while now. Well I woke up this morning to learn my Superwoman cape had been repossessed by the Super Hero plant, leaving me all alone and on the floor in a fetal position. When I woke up this morning, I felt the shift in my bones, that old heaviness, the tightness, the rage and the watery eyes. I knew it when I lashed out at my husband for imagined wrongs and he knew it too, he has been with me too long not to know

Thankfully I am older and wiser and having been down this road before, I know what to do to get myself back on track. Changes… must make changes. For me that means despite the fact that I have been trying to limit how I extend myself I must be more adamant, louder and stand on the table and yell it if need be. It is no longer a matter of feeling bad, but I know if I don’t consistently make time for myself and my needs that stress after a while trips me off and then I am living in anxiety and depression land. I also know that if I can’t get myself back to where I was then I will once more need to submit to the pharmaceutical gods who make products that can rewire me back to the sweet spot.

The decision to not only write this but share it is hard yet for too many years I lived alone in that dark space wearing my happy façade but it took losing someone I considered my rock to learn that there is no shame in admitting our needs and even asking for help. Even Superwoman occasionally misplaces her cape, sometimes she is even puts away in the closet too!

June 10, 2011

2



class, Money, personal growth, Random babble, Shit Happens

Life just happens

I woke up this morning feeling quite refreshed despite staying up well past my bedtime and the brutal heat of yesterday. As part of my morning meditation, I laid in bed thinking that for the first time in a long time, life feels good. Not just I am having a good moment but that for the first time in a long time, I feel balanced and not as if I am running on the damn hamster wheel. My marriage is headed in a good direction despite making choices that others might find questionable, the Spousal Unit and I are in sync, a place we really haven’t been since the pregnancy test back in late 2004 told us we were going to be welcoming a new addition to the family. Granted, I personally have been unbalanced since that fateful night in July 2003 when my mother called me on a Friday and delivered the news that the pesky cough she had been dealing with for months was actually lung cancer. Since that night, I have watched my financial, emotional and mental house slowly crumble to the ground. It has not been a fun time, but relief is here, I called the Wolf and he is delivering me.

However since late last year I have been on a journey to get back to me, sometimes in the many roles I juggle it is hard to make time for myself, to sit in the quiet still moments and really hear my soul speak to me, guide me and for me to allow myself to surrender to myself. Yet it’s happening, it’s really happening, my yoga teacher the other day told me she felt I was finally getting it and I knew what she meant.

Yet sometimes despite our desires and intentions, life just gets in the way and sometimes throws us for a loop. This morning after dropping the kidlet off at school, the man came home and informed me that the engine warning light had gone off. In just that instant I felt like all my hard work was for naught. Just a few days ago, I mentioned this piece in a post and that piece literally sprang to mind. Yep, it’s hard as fuck to get on solid financial footing when life keeps happening. See, we are finally ready to get the bankruptcy case filed (if anyone thinks filing bankruptcy is easy, they have no idea what they are talking about, add in the fact it ain’t cheap! Ironic that one is financially insolvent yet must come up with almost $2000 upfront to get protection from the courts), finally going to be able to finish the bulk of the work on my teeth and finally able to get some much needed home repairs done. Needless to say an unplanned car repair could cause my financial house of cards to crumble.

I spent the first few minutes after digesting this news in an anger fueled rage but then I remembered to just breathe. Breathe deeply and intently and let it all out. In the time that it took for me to breathe, the man remembered rather than taking the car to our mechanic first that he could take it to the auto parts place and get the diagnostic code ran. In short this process means before taking it into the mechanic and paying for their exam, we could at least get a sense of what is wrong.

Drum roll please, looks like it’s a minor issue something about the Evap system (hey we aren’t mechanics) but it’s a relatively minor issue so it looks like we are back on track. Can you say I just took another deep breathe filled with gratitude that at least this time we dodged a bullet, since if we were looking at something more serious, it would require the type of juggling that is part of life when you live with financial scarcity.

PS: Changes are underfoot here at Blackgirlinmaine, ads will be up by sometimes next week as I have been accepted into the Blogher network. There are some other good things related to my writing coming down the pike but I can’t publicly speak on those things yet. Happy Friday!

May 4, 2011

3



Random babble, Relationships, Shit Happens

Unplug and celebrate hump day

Another post that if you are related to me in anyway, ya probably should skip today’s post.

If there is one that that I am in this blog, it’s honest. I figure if I am dealing with an issue or concern, chances are I am not the only one. I have very few close friends, my best friend is a 43 year old dude and while I love him there are some things we just don’t talk about. It’s in these moments when I grapple with what feels like lady issues I often wish I had a sister or that my Mom was still here. My mom and I had the type of relationship that we could talk about anything. I used to sometimes cringe when she would ask about sex related things but the older I get, I miss those talks.

Regular readers know that the Spousal Unit and I have had our share of problems, marriage is hard, add some kids, a 125+ year old house, too little money, way too many bills and career dissatisfaction and voila! You are like who the hell is the dude that sleeps on the other side of the bed and why is he annoying me. Okay, maybe that’s not you but that’s been me for a while.

Anyway I did a little experiment last week and by golly its working. I decided last week to give up tweeting for the day. Seriously, because I spend a lot of time on my computer dealing with emails, grants etc and due to the nature of my work, it’s been easy to get sucked into playing too much online especially with social media. I think this happens to anyone who works alone primarily and has a schedule where they can work from home. I struggle with maintaining the boundary between my home life and my work life and frankly I am starting to put my foot down.

So last week, I went 24 hours without tweeting and instead chose to spend that half hour or so that I would spend screwing around online, screwing around with the ole man and let me tell you, that one day just lit a spark. If you follow me on twitter you may have noticed that my tweeting has slacked off because I am now making a commitment to engage in intimate touch daily with my husband. For some readers, you are already there, but I know there are a few of us that have struggled with this.

I am lucky in that my husband’s office is in our house and unless he is on a call I can generally whisk him away for a few minutes. Initially I felt stupid, but decided for once to just go with the flow, I have also decided that when I feel the stirrings down below that its time to act, plain and simple. Now I admit with a 5 year old its not always easy and yep there have been some junky meals this past week but guess what she lived and more importantly its almost like order has been restored in our lives.

Talk about a quick fix, an orgasm a day can keep the ickies away. So I say if you feel like you are in a rut with your relationship, turn off your smart phone, unplug, do whatever to escape and just start. Yep you may feel silly but really you will feel good, your partner will feel good, all of a sudden tensions seem to fade away. I admit if you are in a relationship with serious issues this might not be applicable but if you are caught in the typical marriage rut that can happen just because you are busy and lack time, unplug.

Funny thing for me is that while I still have a hard time fitting in other self help things such as my yoga and meditation practice on a daily basis, I find that fitting in a few minutes for sex is possible. Lately I have been staying up late to play with the ole man which I admit is a hell of a lot more fun than staying up late reading blogs!

Happy Hump Day and may you get some humping in today!

February 22, 2011

8



class, Health, Random babble, Shit Happens

Teeth are optional in the USA

Warning I am in a pissy mood…so if you aren’t in a pissy mood, feel free to catch me some other day. I woke up Sunday morning, still reeling from the great relocate Dad to Maine project that ended abruptly and without resolution. After all my Dad leaving while it’s nice in the short run to have my house back still doesn’t solve any of the problems that we/me was hoping to solve. While lying in my bed letting the thoughts run through my mind, I realized that my mouth didn’t quite feel right, not quite pain but definitely uncomfortable. So I ran to the bathroom and grabbed a mirror and flashlight to look in my mouth and sure enough noticed that my back gums seemed inflamed. Initially I didn’t worry too much but by Monday morning, it was clear whatever the issue was, needed the care of a dentist.

Uh-oh…like millions of Americans I don’t have dental insurance. Shit, I was only just at the dentist in November and while my visit did reveal a few things that needed to be done, the truth is I simply didn’t have all the money at once to pay and explained that I would need to do the work one procedure at a time spread out over time. The office staff and dentist said they understood but the vibe I got was that to be honest they didn’t get it. Oh, the very helpful office lady told me I could apply for credit via Care Credit to finance my dental work. Yeah that was real helpful. Considering that we are still digging out from the 18 months of unemployment I had back in 07-08 and the Spousal Unit’s decreased client load, our credit has more holes that a hunk of Swiss Cheese and I already knew that Care Credit wasn’t an option because they turned me down a few days before I went in for my exam. I had sorta sensed I was going to need a bit of work and was trying to be proactive but I didn’t share this with the office manager. Instead I smiled sweetly and said, I will be in touch.

The treatment plan has been sitting on my desk in the inbox since November and I have been trying to work the various procedures into our budget…eh, it’s been a mixed bag. Oh I only need a few fillings which alone aren’t too bad but I also need a new crown which with a whopping price tag of $1034 simply is not going to happen until after houses taxes and insurance are paid in a few weeks and the tax man gets his money on April 15. I was pretty okay with waiting until this new issue came up.

Well yesterday after waking up in great discomfort…who am I kidding, shit I barely slept. I realized fuck let me call the dentist. Turns out the dental office was closed for President’s Day so I left a message and after an hour decided to call their emergency number. The on call dentist called me back and while gracious enough to call in a prescription for antibiotics was adamant that I needed to come in this week. No, shit Sherlock! By the way what is it with these people speaking to folks like you are all of two years old?

Nope, the real fun started this morning when the office staff called me back to schedule that appointment and I brought up the matter of what was this little visit going to cost. I guess they aren’t used to folks asking that question but this is already the office that charged me more than I was quoted earlier for a visit and didn’t include the cleaning I was told would be included. So I will admit I am already on the fence about them, but since this is all coming out of pocket the idea of starting with yet another dentist and paying yet another couple hundred for an initial visit doesn’t make sense to my wallet.

While on the phone the office gal stressed that depending on what the good dentist finds when I go in later today they will have to get started today. I calmly explained that while I understood, I was concerned with matters of paying for this emergency work…I could hear the blank face look through the phone. I do have a few hundred that I can use today but the truth is if the good doc tells me whatever work he needs to do exceeds my ability to pay, either we need to look for a cheaper option (extraction) or I will have to delay this a week or so until I have some more money. As I nicely told the lady I can’t manufacture money…I suspect there is a notation in my file now that reads bitchy patient.

However this whole situation got me to thinking about the millions of folks that have dental issues who really lack the ability to pay at any point. While I don’t have a great deal of funds, I know I can move some stuff around and more importantly once I get a few things off my financial plate, it will free up some cash but some people are in situations where there is never enough money to do that…ever.  Based off some of my Google searching that seems to be a lot of people. I was on one site where people were looking for home made remedies for dealing with dental abscesses. Yikes! One of my former staff folks had really bad teeth, broken teeth, missing teeth and at one point an abscess but in the two years he worked for me he never went to a dentist. Why? Because he couldn’t afford it. I remember when the abscess got bad he went to the ER for treatment. I wish I could say he was an isolated case but in my line of work I see plenty of people who are in this shape, even in my center I have some teens that have bad dental issues.

People who don’t know better often say well can’t folks go to a sliding scale clinic? Good luck with that one. I know in my state, it takes months to get an appointment and frankly these appointments are never conducive to folks who work. Ask me how I know? Yep, I tried that last summer before breaking down and saying fuck it, I’ll just have to deal with full dental prices. In many states adults on Medicaid are not covered for dental care unless it’s a major medical emergency. So by the time you have teeth rotting out of your head and you have multiple abscesses then you can see a dentist and at that point you are saying bye bye teeth. Its extraction for you! You didn’t need those teeth, eat mashed potatoes and oatmeal.

So is it better for kids? Depends. Due to low reimbursement rates many dentists just pass on accepting Medicaid patients even with the tykes or the wait is so long…well you get the picture. The not so funny thing is the fact that good oral health is needed for overall health yet we live in a nation that does not make that connection as more and more employers simply don’t offer dental insurance. For many families struggling to survive, teeth and dental health are seen as expendable in the family budget and who the hell can blame them. If dental cleanings and exams average $135 (what we pay for my kid) to $200 (what I pay) and you have 2-3 kids plus the adults, that’s a lot of extra cheddar. That says nothing for if cavities are discovered or heaven forbid more work is needed. To the few Americans that are more or less still financially solvent that may not be a big deal but to many it is, if the choice is the mortgage or dental work…most folks will take the mortgage. Can’t live in them teeth.

Yet the issues with dental care in this country and make no mistake it is an issue, after all remember this case. Kid in the US of A died due to a lack of access to dental care. The issues with access to dental care are simply part of the other things that are broken in our system. We the people at some point have gotten confused; we have all started buying into a dream that is just that…a fucking dream. Instead of demanding that we all have access to good schools, good healthcare, etc we instead see it as moral issue and spin it as those without are simply lazy bastards. We see the folks who will still take a stand as leeches on the system, maybe what we need to do is examine ourselves after all in these turbulent times, our fate can change with the wind. As for me, fingers crossed the dental issue is minor or else I might have to put on my Spanx and look for some side work if ya catch my drift.

February 15, 2011

2



Random babble, Shit Happens

When a phone was just a phone

I suspect that the bulk of my readers are old enough to remember a time when every home had a land-line telephone, when call waiting was a new and exciting feature and when cellular phones first arrived on the scene. Back in about 1993 I had a job working for a market research firm that did work for the movie industry. In some ways it was a glamorous job especially because when we were in the field, we were given a cell phone to use to report our findings back to the office. Ahhhh, my first time using a cell phone and it was unbelievable, big, clunky and in a bag. If memory serves me correctly the connection and sound quality wasn’t great but damn we were talking on a mobile phone!

A few short years later in about 1996 or so I recall getting my own cellular phone and it seemed so sleek compared to my earlier experiences. I think it might have been a bronze colored Nokia, I remember how neat it was to call someone just for the hell of it. Of course my poor husband was still walking around with beeper back then, granted pay phones were still fairly plentiful so normally if I paged him he could call me back within 20 minutes or so.

I think back now what seems to me just a few short years ago when I moved up to the Motorola Razr and how cool that phone seemed, not only could I make calls but dammit I could take pictures and send a simple text message! However back in 2009 I made the leap to a Smartphone at that time getting a Blackberry because they were hot. Oh it was love at first sight, my goodness I had a gadget that was pretty much a computer that I could put in my bag!! I was hooked.

But technology is steadily progressing and not even a year after getting that Blackberry, it started feeling dated compared to my son’s Droid and my other friend’s i Phones, but I am loyal. Besides I hate having to start all over and trying to be frugal I figured I would just stick with my trusty old Blackberry. Yeah, sometimes she gave me a hard time and of course there was the issue of the track ball that occasionally got stuck making it hard to use the damn thing.

Yet all good things must come to an end and about two weeks ago, the poor track ball got stuck and none of my usual tricks worked. I realized old Bessie the Blackberry was going to have to be replaced when I couldn’t access my address book and payroll needed to be called in. I didn’t think my staff would be too happy about not getting paid because I couldn’t get the number of the person I needed to call.

So at the beginning of a large snow storm, the Spousal Unit and I braved the snow to go to the local Verizon shop to see if Bessie could be repaired or for a simple replacement. Upon getting to the store the staff announced that Bessie was no more…her ball had gone off the track one last time. I had known that might be the case so I was fully prepared to get another Blackberry since they are economical also I like… no need a keyboard. Since gaining possession of an iPad during the holidays I have learned there are limits as far as me and touch screens especially when doing work related stuff.

Well the handy dandy staff showed me the Droid Pro, the latest Droid apparently designed to entice faithful Blackberry users…the holdouts clinging to the candy bar design and the keyboard yet who want more out of their gadgets. Fuck it, I said. Turns out it was upgrade time so they offered me a deal (yo, remember when they used to give us free phones every 2 years for being faithful customers?) so I walked out the door with my pockets $160 lighter and a fucking beast in my bag.

Let me tell you it’s two weeks later and I still don’t know what the fuck I am doing with this thing, someone told me they were Tivo’ing with their Droid…I’m like hey how the hell can I assign ringtones to select folks so I know when to answer the phone? Don’t get me wrong, I have decided to keep the phone and while I agree with elder boy that the navigation system is lovely, lately I find myself longing for the days when a phone was a phone. Nowadays you must have apps to maximize your enjoyment of your gadgets…all I want is a simple internet connection, email and a phone.

For some reason I am remembering Star Trek…space the final frontier. Lately it feels like phones are the final frontier.

November 20, 2010

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Current Events, personal growth, Random babble, Shit Happens

Week in review or a world gone mad

Well hello dear readers! Long time no write. To say the past week has been hectic would be an understatement, my personal world was going crazy at the same time the world in general seems to be losing it’s mind. Got plans to fly this upcoming week to share some turkey and trimmings? It seems before you get on the plane you will have to decide whether you want to be scanned and have your whole body on display to some unseen TSA worker or get the more personal treatment and get felt up by some wanna be Robocop in a bad uniform wearing gloves. Of you can go the John Tyner route and raise a little hell and insure that you won’t be eating turkey with loved ones and then face investigation and a possible fine. I gotta be honest as someone who only flies when it’s absolutely necessary, these changes are making it even less likely I will be flying anytime soon. You want to touch my junk then we need to know each other or you better be hot as hell.

What is it with Sarah Palin and her progeny? Good gravy, for a woman with no job, she gets around like a blunt at a stoner party. We have Bristol on Dancing with the Stars and the other Palin girl tossing gay slurs around like farts after too much fiber intake. Someone please make these women go away…far the fuck away.

In my world, I have learned a valuable lesson…hiring a bad employee is a real time suck. If you recall a few months ago I had to hire some folks for the agency I run. Well after 6 weeks of training someone who I admit was a questionable hire, the bottom fell out. The worker was not a good fit and I found myself this week planning on firing her but she did me a solid and quit with no notice. Integrity….does it even exist anymore?

I know we live in a time and day when everyone is looking out for self and maybe it’s a sign of my getting old, I can’t fault anyone for taking a position that pays more…been there myself more than once in my career. On the other hand it’s not what we do, it’s often how we do things that speaks to our character and who we are. In my case the former employee rather than being upfront, drug things out by calling in at the last minute for several days. Considering I work with at risk kids who need stability such behavior has a shitty effect on the kids also the former employee due to lackluster performance came close to jeopardizing several projects. Thankfully I realized ahead of time and planned ahead but it’s come at the cost to my own family and putting in way more hours over the past week to play catch up. Anyway vent over…wish her well.

In other news, my Dad is officially moving in with me, we have confirmed dates and I admit I am getting nervous. Yet as the Spousal Unit reminded me this move is the right thing…damn, being a grown up is hard as hell. I won’t lie right about now I long for the days when I could just be free to do me but there are times as an adult when we simply have to do what’s right. It’s like the Cod Liver oil I take daily, the shit is nasty yet it’s good for me.

So that’s all that is shaking in my world. Catch ya on the flipside and here is hoping next week there will be a little more time for blogging.

ETA:  It seems my links are being a tad wonky I will try to fix these as soon as possible.