Personal Responsibility

First off I am not some raving pull yourself up by the bootstraps type nor am I a closeted Republican….let me just say that since I know words like personal responsibility have been completely misused by such individuals. That said, I have a rant that’s been brewing off and on for a while and I need to let it out.

When the hell did folks in America stop exercising any type of responsibilityover their lives? No, seriously… I grew up in a working class Black family, some times life was good and hell, Moms and Pops even bought us name brand cereal and sometimes we were just lucky to have food. However Mom and Dad despite the rough times always worked at least Dad did most of time and one of the few times he tried to be a slacker and we were staying with my grandparents, I still remember my Grandpa saying “If I got to work everyone up in this beyotch needs to work or be looking for work.” Needless to say my Dad got off his ass and manned up and as one might say these days.

No, work has always been in my vocabulary, when I graduated from 8th grade at 14, that summer before high school started I lied about my age (this was back when you didn’t need to show id to work) and got my first job and I have been working ever since barring late pregnancy and right after having my babies. Now when I got pregnant with eldest child at 18, a few months into what these days would probably be known as a starter marriage, I didn’t have insurance and well babies cost money. So I had to sign up for state medical insurance which after baby boy was born turned into a very brief stint of getting welfare benefits. Let me just say that was one of the most humiliating times in my life.

Back then in Chicago it was called Public Aid aka the Aid office and even then at 19, I knew this was not some shit I wanted to do or be on long term, by the time my son turned 13-14 mos, I landed a decent gig and have never looked back. Don’t get me wrong, it has not always been smooth sailing for me since that time, but barring some really bad shit, the idea of getting a gubment handout just is not for me. There was one period in my life when my son was 2-3, where I was working 3 jobs, I had people ask me why was I doing that when I could apply for XYZ benefits, yes I could but sorry that was not for me.

However because of my humble roots if you want to call em that I have always had a compassionate heart towards helping people, back when I was working at a homeless shelter, I will admit I often bent the rules to help folks out especially those that showed some spunk. There were times when the shelter didn’t have transit money to help clients yet for those clients who had just landed a job, I often would slide them some carfare from my own money.

All that to say while I know what its like to have hard times, been there, done that and as Dave Ramsey would say I even got the t-shirt. The truth is sometimes we make poor choices that get us in a bad situation and unless we own up to it, our shit won’t get better. For me that was the realization that I have/had a spending problem, the spousal unit had been trying to tell me for years that I spend too much but last year, our lives too a sharp right when I wanted to go straight and I had to own up to the fact that sista-girl spends way too much. I am happy to say I am taming that beast, some days are better than others but awareness is a big part of it.

No this is a rather sensitive issue but why the hell do people have babies when they know they are broke and as my Granny used to say don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of? Look, I know the desire to have a baby is real, shit when that bug hit me almost 4 years ago I jumped on it but not before I looked at our finances and had a realistic idea of whether adding another child was reasonable and even doable. In our case we knew that by giving up certain pleasures we could afford it. However in the past several years I have run across some folks who are in real dire straights who keep having babies when they don’t have a pot or window or anything else and I am sorry but its madness to me to do so.

In one instance, a couple where both parties are on a fixed income (SSI) and already had 3 kids decided to have another baby, this is a family that every month must go to the food pantry because their food stamps don’t last the whole month and they have no additional money to buy food. I barely know this couple but when they announced they were expecting baby #4, I really wanted to go why??? I’m sorry but if you are at the food pantry every month maybe another mouth to feed is a bad idea….

By the same token, you have so-called middle class folks buying half a million dollar homes and yes I know in certain parts of the country that is nothing, but folks buying homes with either no money down or fancy loans like the interest-only loan. Duh, it used to be you needed to put 20% down to buy and excuse me but what the hell is the difference between a interest only loan and renting? Nothing except that one gives the illusion of ownership but you are no closer to owning than the guy who rents outright. Yet now droves of folks are losing their homes now and yes some of it is because of predatory lenders but in some cases people did not sit down and think the situation through. I know because had it not been for having a savvy ass father in-law and doing a bit of research, my ass might be joining some of y’all.

Look my point is not to rail against folks and kick anyone when they are down but as I get older, I see there is a lot of value in searching ourselves and really assessing things before we make what could be bad decisions and that is part of being an adult and taking some personal responsibility for ourselves.

We be junkies… battling the net addiction

Yesterday a very bad thing happened around my house, the internet died. If you could have seen the looks on both me and the spousal unit’s face, you would have thought a family member had actually died. Yes, it was that bad. We tinkered with it, plugged and unplugged the modem, only to have to call the lovely folks at Time Warner who supply our internet connection. Since we both work at home, the internet is pretty important to our respective gigs since its the means by which we connect with our clients.

Well after what seemed like hours on the phone with the lovely tech folks, we got the very bad news that they would have to send someone out, however they were booked and couldn’t come out till the next day. Noooooooooooooooo. You mean 24 hours without going online? But, we have professional class service I thought that meant you come right away to fix my service? This is what we told the gal on the phone who explained that they were getting to us right away, that if we had a Joe Regular Residential account we could be waiting a week for repairs. Oh.. That cooled us down.

Truthfully my work day was just about wrapped up, but I still had blogs to read, boards to go to and information to seek. Instead I took my elder child out and had a great day. It was during our outing that I realized I am addicted to the net. See, upon waking in the morning, I drink my coffee while reading the paper online and surfing my favorite blogs. From there I check the various discussion boards I moderate as well as ones I surf. Even aside from my work, I spend a lot of time online. In the evening, I am often online between playing with mini-me, I am famous for saying just one more moment baby.

While out yesterday I was listening to Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Throw Away your Television, and was struck by the fact that I could say the same thing about my computer.. over the years I have grown more dependent on this piece of machinery. Even blogging has helped to fuel the addiction, I thought I would maybe at best write a post 2-3 times a week instead I try for almost every day. Know what? Its too much..

Yet its a strange love-hate relationship, truth is technology allows me to live in a rural state and earn a living and have clients anywhere, yet I find that the line between personal and professional life is harder to find.

That said, I am not giving up the net, but while the weather is good I think I need to engage more with the outside world instead of online.. so I think much like I confine work to certain days, I suspect for the good of the fam, I should blog only during the week, in fact I am trying to limit my online time period. This is gonna be a lot like my 2 year journey with Weight Watchers, took 2 years to lose almost 50 pounds because I had to re-change my relationship with food.

So am I the only one who spends way too much time online? Catch ya on Monday.