If you follow me on twitter, last week you may have caught my mini hair drama or crisis. I woke up last Friday and pretty much decided most of my hair had to go. I was tired of the struggle, the time and the worry. Sure I was scared that to go as short as I did back in 2000 would render me invisible but frankly I am already a Black woman in Maine so I am fairly invisible anyway. (if I didn’t have a partner, man this place might really fuck with me) After a stream of tweets and some time away from the house, I pretty much came home and decided, fuck it! It’s hair and I chopped it off, now that I have been professionally trimmed and cut, I would say there is a good 3 inches left. So no baldie but let’s face it 3 inches of tightly coiled hair isn’t a lot and that’s fine by me.
My relationship with hair is complicated but frankly I think most women have complicated relationships with that stuff on top of our heads. I know for me though that the state of my hair is often reflective of where I am on this journey of life. Prior to this cut, I had been rather conflicted about several issues that were causing me to lose sleep, yet as soon as I filled that trash bag with my hair, clarity arrived. I realized I just needed to let go and accept that what is meant to be will be and if the things I have been working towards don’t happen that’s okay too.
Sometimes I have to do things to shake myself out of that state of complacency where I am prone to spending way too much time. The haircut was definitely a good start though I am still struggling with the need to accept myself in my present state, in other words why wait until I lose the weight to love myself? Hell, I am lovable right now.
Just another day up here in my corner of the world, accepting reality and learning that change and self acceptance are good things.