You don’t always get what you want, it’s called adulthood!

You ever wake up and realize that for all the fun you get to have as an adult that sometimes being an adult, plain old sucks? The older I get, it’s started to set in that when making decisions you have to think not only short term but long term, that’s where I am now. For all my jokes and difficulty parenting my girl child at times, I have to admit my uterus has been feeling empty and abandoned, hell it wants to works again!
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Several years ago, the man and I discussed the possibility of adding to the family when the girl was 6, well she is 6 now, the boy is 19 and the man is done! I admit when he told me he was done a few years ago, I thought, well he will change his mind…nope he hasn’t (by the way this post is not meant to shame him, he knows that). I brought a child from my first marriage into our union, as my son recently told my husband, drop the step son crap, after all the man has been a part of college boy’s life since he was 3! My husband is a wonderful man and a great father but he also knows his limits, we have 2 kids, one of those kids is in college (for folks with little kids, don’t let well-meaning people lie to you, college is expensive and there are very few free rides offered unless your kid is the next Rhodes Scholar or Kobe Bryant, you will pay something!) and the other is a 40+ pound of fire and joy! In other words our hands are full.
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I must confess that coming from a small family with only one sibling and no extended family that I am in contact with fuels a lot of my desire for more kids. The world didn’t seem so small and lonely when my Mom and grandma were alive but outside of the hubster and kids, all I have are my Dad and brother. My kids have no cousins since my brother is not ready to settle down and the man is an only child. Let’s just say a small family keeps the holiday craziness down, on the other hand it means there is less of a support system.
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My kids are 13.5 years apart, they are as close as you can be when one of you is a college sophomore and the other is a first grader. My own brother and I are 8 years apart and I guess truthfully we are neither close nor un-close, but that age gap is quite a bit to overcome. Granted it started to chip away a bit when our mother was sick but only now is my brother really at the same adult stage I am at.
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I realized recently that as I look at another birthday coming up next month, that the baby clock is ticking. Sure women can have babies well into their 40’s but the reality is it’s a lot easier when you are younger. I know that first hand, having a baby at 19 was a breeze compared to the repeat performance at 32. My body is the past several years has let me know, you can believe that young hype if you want but baby you are aging! In other words if another baby is going to happen, this is the time.
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Only this is not the time, our marriage while improved is still recovering, our finances while improved are also still in the recovery ward. I have known women who wanted babies when their partner said no who were advised by well-meaning women to go for it…that in my humble opinion is a bad idea. I am a risk taker as the man reminded me last night, it’s true I do take risks but gambling with a life is not a risk I will take. Sure he is willingly to have another one, but it’s clear that his heart is not in it, to risk that a child will arrive and he will love it is silly. At 29 I might have believed that but at almost 39, nah…life isn’t like that.
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So I am learning that sometimes, well you can’t have what you want, having it all is simply not possible. It being the man, the 3 kids, the job and all that jazz…in my generation there are many of us who believe we can have it all, it being whatever it is that our hearts desire but no one can have it all. There are seasons to everything and even with seasons, some desires simply have to be tabled and the sticky part of growing up is knowing that and accepting it.

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  1. December 4, 2011
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