Just a vent about life..

There is so much going on in the world that I could write about but today is just one of those days that I just feel the need to air my dirty laundry. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, anybody ever feel like that?

Several posts ago I wrote about my decision to take mini-me out of daycare and just have her go to preschool and hang with me the rest of the time. Well, right now I really don’t know if that is going to happen since after visiting day at the preschool yesterday, its safe to say that the preschool was not a match for my girl. It might have been a lovely place if it wasn’t clear that the goal was to prepare kids to enter schools and become mindless automatons who follow directions with minimal fuss. Now I am a Christian but this is a program whose motto is based off Proverbs 22:6 ” Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” I think there is some truth in that saying but this turned out to be a place that would have just sucked my girls spirit out and I just can’t have that.

Now it would be cool but the truth is I am in debt and need to get the fuck out of debt and paying thousands of dollars in daycare is not getting me out of debt. Most of my debt is the result of moving to Maine, financially our lives changed pretty drastically when we moved here and leaving at the moment is not an option.

So today is just one of those days where I feel like why me? Though I know if my Moms were alive she would say why not you? I know, I should probably not complain, after all I have the basics, food, shelter, family, good health but the truth is at 35 I am tired of just getting by. Its been years since I have gone on a vacation and while I like my house, I would like it more if I had the ends to get shit done to it.

I enjoy working for myself but today when I am waist deep in deadlines on a gorgeous day no less, I hate my work. People always say it must be nice to be self-employed, to that I say its a mixed bag, some days are cool but come tax time I hate it, since I am always scrambling to pay the tax man. Yeah, I know I should put away the money as I earn it but truth is I am not that organized yet, plus Murphy’s law always seems to affect me. No sooner than I have the cash earmarked for the taxes then something in this house or the car goes down.

Anyway its just that kinda day here in Maine, so here’s hoping that tomorrow I wake up on the better side of the bed and can actually leave the house and get some sun, shit a sista needs to work on her tan.

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