Black Girl in Maine

Musings of a black woman living in the nation's whitest state

Tag Archives: natural black hair

Don’t Touch Me

The following is a repost from July 2010 but in light of all the buzz regarding a certain CNN piece on Black woman and our hair, it still seems pretty relevant.

It’s another hot day up here (when will they end?) and I have a long day since I will be taking part in a community forum as part of my job this evening. So I suggested to the Spousal Unit and son, that we have lunch at Pizza Hut since I am in no mood to cook, thanks to a summer cold, oppressive heat and work. So the family came to pick me up from the office and we hit the local Pizza Hut.

It was a good time despite the lousy food, when I suddenly feel someone touching my hair. I look up and see an elderly white woman muttering something about nice, beautiful and I just wanted to touch your hair. Wait! What the fuck are you doing? I start trying to avoid her gnarled hands like I was Neo in the Matrix, moving closer to my daughter in the booth and even putting my hand up saying “PLEASE DON’T TOUCH MY HAIR”

It’s not the first time in my 8 years in Maine I have had a white person reach out and attempt to touch my hair, after all I did have dreadlocks for 5 years but this was the first time I have ever encountered someone who did not respect my desire to stop trying to touch me. For a millisecond I felt reduced to less than human status and even my husband who is a laid back man told the woman “Please don’t touch my wife’s hair” There was a second when I thought he was about to lay hands on Granny. Eventually she and her party moseyed on with her no doubt wondering what the issue was, but damn it, don’t touch my hair.

Look, I realize seeing a Black woman with braids may be a novelty but reaching out to touch one is just a bad idea and frankly the only thing that stopped Granny from getting her fingers broke was the fact that she was elderly. I am still not sure if that was a great idea but hey, I was raised to treat folks with respect even when its questionable if they deserve it.

So to my fellow humans of the white hue, don’t ever reach out and try to touch a Black woman’s hair…it could be hazardous to your health.

Oh my poor coif!

The past several posts have been a bit more on the serious side so I say it’s time to lighten the mood and what better way to do that than by talking hair. Get a group of Black women together and after a few hours of conversation inevitably the talk will turn to hair. Let me say as my Granny used to say and I am slightly paraphrasing but my hair is giving me the flux! Older black folks always have the best damn expressions but seriously, yes my hair is working my last nerve.

Let’s recap for those who haven’t been long time readers, I have had natural hair now for about 10 years or so yet I am not a hair person. What does that mean? It means I have never been the type of gal to just play in my hair for the fun of it. Shit, I can’t even braid hair! (Y’all see now why I live in Maine, I lack some of those skills it’s assumed all Black girls have…I had to hideaway in Maine) Yet my lack of hair skills is coming back to haunt me in a big way.

When I made the leap from relaxed hair to going natural, I kept it simple by just cutting all my hair off. No, really I took it from almost shoulder length to about 1.5 inches total. That was heaven, talk about wash and go, which was the ultimate wash and go. Then I decided maybe I should grow my hair out so I did that for a while and when I got tired of wrapping shit around my hair combined with my mother’s passing I decided it was time for dreadlocks. I had dreads for 5 years and in 2009 decided it was time to let them go. They had become physically and spiritually heavy and the lessons I needed to learn during that process had been learned. So I cut em off but this time rather than an inch or so of hair on my head I kept a good 4-5 inches. Since cutting my dreads, I have let my hair grow out and last year started having my hair braided on a regular basis. I admit I enjoyed the braids for a while but recently after taking them out (my braider uses some extensions) realized that my hair is extremely dry and really not in great shape. I have not had a haircut or trim since 2009 and my hair is all kinds of confused.

Now I know all about the various hair styling tutorials on You Tube and sites like Nappturality, etc as far as places to get hair information. I gotta be honest those places overwhelm me, the other day I spent damn near 3 hours on Nappturality and walked away confused as hell. First off in many cases when folks recommend types of products to use, um….I live in Maine, so my access to shit is greatly limited. While I love products like Oyin Handmade, it’s a pain in the ass to order products which take a week to arrive and then you realize oh this shit doesn’t work in my hair. Hand crafted products like Oyin are just high enough with shipping and time that honestly dropping dollars to get something that may or may not work is really not a gamble I want to take.

The other day my hair was crying out for some TLC, it needed me to make sweet love to it. So off I went to find some products. I realize these may not be the best products but at least my hair looks a little happier. I washed with Pantene’s Relaxed & Natural Shampoo for women of color, and then did a deep conditioning with Palmer’s Deep Conditioning Protein Pack, and then I twisted my hair using Cantu’s Shea Butter Leave in Conditioner Repair Cream. I have also taken to adding a dab of Cantu’s Daily Oil Moisturizer. If nothing else my coif while messy most certainly smells good.

But good people what I need help with is styles, in the past I would rock a wash and go afro puff up high, but in light of the dryness I am trying to stay away from washing daily…my hair seems to be saying no more. The other day I did this adorable side roll thingy that while cute the man said made me look matronly. Oh dear. I would love to rock some two strand twists but mine are not for public consumption…they look horrible though they make for a decent twist out the next day though a tad wild.

I know I have some sistas who read here who are natural; tell me what you are doing with your coif? More importantly if you live in a non urban area what do you do for hair products? I should add I used to try to get stuff from the health food store like jojoba oil, etc but that turned my hair extra greasy but not moist if that makes any sense. I want a moist head of hair, I don’t want to be mistaken for salad dressing!

Update on that Hur Situation

Since I have had a few folks who know me personally wondering if all is well after reading my last post on my hair. I figure I’d better post an update. Whatever had me thinking that hair straightening was a good idea has passed, I am just going to blame that line of thought on PMS and my perimenopausal state. See, I tell the Spousal Unit I get a smidge crazy during that time of the month and I am only half kidding.

No, I actually did some research and was horrified about the process. (good grief, creamy goo and high heat, shit that sounds like a recipe to have no hair left to worry about at all) That said, I am still undecided about my hair as someone pointed out it’s probably tied to the fact that hair is spiritual. Spiritually I am going through some stuff but I can’t reveal that at this time.

So for the moment I am doing nothing, I am pretty much thinking its time to get a haircut despite my wish for length since really when I only have a few inches on my head, life is easy. Or the other option, get some add a hair via kinky twists and go ahead and call it a day.

I do know whatever I do, it won’t involve large quantities of cash nor time. The last thing I need now is to add regular salon time to my already cramped schedule.

So while to some my hair woes may seem trivial, hey this is my spot and I ramble. Have a great week!

Time to talk hair

Yes indeed, it’s that time again. Time to talk about my hair, now if you are not a Black woman there is a good chance this post might not be your cup of tea. On the other hand it could be enlightening, so consider sticking around. Regular readers know its been a while since I have written about my hair, after all last year after years of growing dreadlocks I decided to cut them. Well the small fro I had after cutting off inches of hair has now grown out and I am at that place hair wise I hate to be. Long story short, my hair is a mess and its a length that really I find it difficult to do much of anything with.

The truth is I really am not a hair person. Let’s see, I went natural (that means no chemical straighteners have touched this head in over 10 years, and the last chemical color was about 7 years ago) and the first couple of years of being natural I rocked a short fro. It was a total wash and go and I loved it; but then we moved to Maine and I decided to grow my hair out. That lasted for 2 years and was what I look back on as the ugly period since there really wasn’t a lot I could do to my hair until it had some significant length which it did by the time I decided to loc in 2004.

Well the locs were good for a while but living in Maine with no one to help me hands on with my locs led me to free form and eventually led me to say buh bye to them as well. It was really lack of good maintenance that killed my locs, in fact looking back on my decade in naps I can say that barring the times I have rocked the TWA my hair is generally not as healthy as it can be. That may sound silly but when it comes to doing my hair those skills passed me by, perhaps it was because I was well into high school before my Mom let me actually start managing my hair. Seriously, she refused to have me going out with a raggedy head as she would call it, so she often would oversee my coif. The result being I barely can braid and when I do you damn sure ain’t going outside in it and well my attempts at twisting, etc…um, it sux. I suspect if I had someone up here who could sit down and show me it might come together but honestly even looking at you tube videos doesn’t seem to help.

So you are probably asking um…where are you going with this? Well until yesterday I figured I’d keep living with my hair situation but I went to my local Aveda salon for my eyebrow waxing and we ended up talking about my hair. Long story short they explained they have a process of thermal straightening that could loosen my curls to make my hair more manageable.

I’m going to be honest, at first I was like hell to the naw, I am happy to be nappy, no chemicals here…all the things that good nappy hair disciples do. Some of ya’ll might be asking what am I talking about but I know some of ya’ll know exactly what I am talking about. Going natural as a Black woman is liberating, it really is, at least in the early days you feel like you have a new lease on life. You feel like you have instant camaraderie with other natural sistas, you feel amazing, freed…oh its a beautiful thing. 

Well 10 years into this journey, what I am about to say is blasphemy to nappy heads but really its just hair. Yes chemicals are bad, and by all means you should avoid them if at all possible. But sometimes being natural ain’t all it’s cracked up to be either. See, the reason I went natural initially was because I knew I was moving to Maine and figured there would be no one to do my hair. That is really what prompted me to give up the creamy crack, my relaxed hair was always healthy, no breakage, no issues.  I admit I did not like feeling in bondage to the hair salon for that weekly maintenance but lets keep it real, too many naturals are always looking for that elusive product to “manage” their curls. Ya know you know what I am talking about.  They trade one addiction for another, I have seen it too many times. In the past decade I have seen many sistas embrace being natural at least on the surface but deep down they are grappling with how beautiful they will be perceived as, if they rock a TWA, locs, etc. I know, I was there and man I fought those demons, days when I just knew I looked ugly. But guess what? I didn’t care, for me being natural at least in the early days allowed me to see true beauty in myself but at this stage in the game, I will be honest. I just want hair that is manageable. I am not a fan of super short hair…can I tell you on cold days I miss my locs.

I would consider going back to locks but I truly believe they have a spiritual component and I am not there yet. I found what I needed with that first set, peace and acceptance in so many areas of my life but I am not ready to return. I keep saying just let my fro grow but then I keep coming back to grow into what? Last time I let it grow eventually that path led to dreads.

So I will be honest, I have no idea what direction I am about to take on the hair path, could involve chemicals, could be braids, might just say fuck it and crop it again. Yet no matter what I  do, I am more than just my hair and while my journey to me may have started with my hair it does not end with my hair.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t even decided whether I am going to have my hair treated, last night I was pumped up about this. This morning the $300 price tag has me thinking a trip to the sista who trimmed my fro is in order so I can explore more reasonable options that might keep me natural but I will be honest no longer am I am militant natural.

I have enjoyed the journey but I am not defined by my hair…hell I define me.