It’s Monday morning, its raining and oh yeah; I go back to work today. Now these might all look like reasons to be in a crabby mood but I am crabby for other reasons. After all Monday never did anything to me, the rain is a needed necessity to create beauty and going back to work does put a few shekels in my pocket, so the glass isn’t really empty.
Nope today I am pissed about a few things that have just been brewing under my skin for a while, so rather than letting them stew I need to just get them out in the open. First up, self appointed food preachers. These would be folks who in their zeal to eat healthy almost start to sound eerily similar to fundamental preachers. Much like the men and women who stand in pulpits or if you are lucky on a street corner explaining your “sins” and offering Jesus as the answer to your spiritual illness, food preachers love to eat healthy, often organic foods, they never indulge in any junk food eating. If they do they are quick to point out that they only eat things they have made themselves out of 22 grain flour, etc…you get the picture.
Heaven help you if a food preacher hears you have been having any physical issues they are quick to point out if only you would give up your unhealthy ways, that good health and nirvana can be yours for the cost of a coop or CSA membership. Food preachers never look at the larger reasons why people eat the way that they do…like maybe you are broke as shit, can’t cook, or fuck you just like fried bologna sandwiches. Much like their spiritual counterparts there is also very little middle ground with food preachers, its not enough that you work out, eat healthy 5 out of 7 days….you must always eat healthy or else. Funny thing knowing many food preachers in all shades and stripes, most of the ones I know personally tilt anti-religion and most certainly anti-Christianity never noting that at times they sound just like the folks they claim not to care for. Funny how that shit works.
I make no bones about the fact that well I struggle with food, growing up working class and now that I am older there are some things I just like eating because well….they are comfortable, they give me pleasure. The key is moderation at least for me. That and running like hell to avoid the self appointed food preachers. Look, it’s great you don’t drink soda but I like the occasional soda.
Next up on my list of annoying shit and it’s a bit more serious is dealing with condescending folks and or those who other me. It’s not easy at times being a Black woman in a white state running an organization. If I had a dollar for every uncomfortable pause that inevitably happens when a person realizes I am the one they are meeting, well I doubt I would be asking blog supporters to consider supporting this blog. Yep, it happens that often.
Lately in the past year I have become a lot more sensitive to it though, even better are the folks who doubt I know what I am talking about. Now I have damn near 15 years of non-profit experience, a master’s degree where my studies focused on how to develop sustainable and efficient non profits and a butt load of experience. I started my career at the lowest levels and worked my way up; over the years I studied what works and what doesn’t. When looking at graduate programs I actually decided not to pursue a social work or counseling program because I felt focusing on management was more important knowing I did not want to do direct service anymore, also having seen up close how more direct service minded folks run an agency I knew for me it was not a path I could choose.
Despite all that I am still constantly questioned and lately it’s started to dawn on me that my perceived youth and race might be a big part of that and frankly its tiring. Of course nothing compares to the subordinate who recently told me how cute my hair was and it always looks so adorable. Now those words alone are a little strange after all I have never had a boss who I said hey you look cute…insert raised eyebrow, some shit you just don’t do. But this person said it in a tone that well, just bugged me.
I suppose if I didn’t always have these moments I might be inclined to brush it off but I am tired of doing that, really tired. Anyway just a Monday grumble as I get ready to slog through a zillion emails and actually reply to them, have a great day!