Obviously I had no plans to be blogging this weekend but this morning when I was making the rounds in cyberspace, I stumbled across a discussion that I just had to write about. I was on a discussion board for couples and a woman posed a question about a problem she was having…seems her ole man has let himself go a bit in the looks dept and long story short, he is just not lighting her fire. Seems her man is a tad flabby and hairy.
If you are a regular reader here at BGIM, you will recall a few months ago I put the Spousal Unit on blast when I stated publicly that he just wasn’t doing in the looks department. I am proud to report and if you follow me on Twitter you know what I mean, that the Spousal Unit has been working on his body and lets just say mama is happy!
So back to this woman, almost all the advice given was to not tell her man that he is slacking because it could damage the relationship. Some folks even went so far as to suggest maybe when intimate times start she needs to visualize someone else to get in the mood. Wait! Hold the fuck up but if Spousal Unit or any man I was with was thinking of Beyonce or someone else before entering my queendom, that would not only hurt me but I would be pissed off beyond words if it ever came out.
Look, back when I was a young girl, I played those types of games…because I didn’t want to hurt a man’s feelings. His stroke sucked, I just faked it…nah, too old for that. I’m sorry but if you are married to someone and can’t honestly say look babe, your back is way too hairy or baby put that Dorito bag down because you are looking like a tubby bitch, you got bigger problems than feeling a tad underwhelmed in the sex department.
I admit for most folks blasting your partners business in public is probably not a good idea though around my camp it did work and I am most happy, but seriously marriage means you shouldn’t have to hold back on such an important subject. While we don’t want to go out of the way to hurt our partners feelings, at the same time, we should feel that we can be honest with this person about such basic needs…and sex is a basic need.
On the flip side many women in this discussion stated if their man told them they were not happy with their physical appearance they would be crushed, personally when I was hitting close to almost 200 lbs and finally realized I needed to lose weight, I was pissed that the Spousal Unit had not told me I was getting large. Granted I was 8 months postpartum but a sista was not cute at all, sadly I am not that Black woman that looks good as a full figure woman, I looked like someone who needed to push the fuck away from the table and run 5 miles.
I appreciated that he didn’t want to hurt my feelings but I also would not have been mad had he called me out on my weight…so while I can’t speak for everyone, at least in in house honesty is best.