To feel, to emote….oh eff it

Crazy times we are in, we share so much of our selves in so many ways that would seem crazy to people 60-70 years ago, yet with all our connections and sharing the one thing that we don’t share is ourselves and our emotions. We can share the minutia of our daily lives with strangers thanks to technology but sharing our actual emotions? No way dude! That’s crazy talk.

I have been grappling with the aftermath of stepping out of my comfort zone and while that step didn’t go well and I was thinking of ways to clean it up and make it tidy again. It hit me that for all my talk of being an open and honest person that these thoughts are counter to whom I strive to be. Emotions and feelings are what they are, no more, no less, and sharing them even if messy does not mean the end of the world. It hit me that the reason I can walk away from the situation is because to some degree I am no longer hiding my feelings. The parties involved know exactly where I am and how I feel, they can receive it and do with it what they please but no longer am I burdened with that energy.

While there could be some blowback in taking that huge leap, why is getting real seen as such as negative that we flee from it? One of the greatest tools in managing my anxiety is learning how not to let shit sit and stew, yet for months that is exactly what have I have done, to the point of threatening the things I value most.

Yet as a mother I often wonder am I modeling behavior I would want for either of my kids? Sometimes the answer is no, I worry too much about how others perceive of me and the reality is why does that matter so much? Instead I want to be someone who stands in her truth even if it is uncomfortable. Truth is always the best policy, truth can set us free and even if comes back with repercussions we can trust that eventually it all works out. The most basic form of truth is being honest about our feelings, if we can’t do that, it’s not a good look.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *