I have a confession that may seem almost startling for a blogger and writer who spends quite a bit of time sharing her life with perfect strangers but I am a pretty solitary gal. What does that mean? It means I have very few people I consider friends, don’t get me wrong I know plenty of people, hell I got over a hundred “friends” on Facebook. Over 900 people listen to my ranting’s on Twitter but when I say friend, I mean a ride or die person. In the past my ride or die crew consisted of the folks who were with me through the trials and tribulations of my first marriage crashing and burning and the ensuing custody battle, the illness and unexpected death of my mother and all the other stuff in between.
The reality is outside of family members I have never had more than 4 or 5 people I consider friends, everyone else is merely an associate or acquaintance. Don’t get me wrong associates and acquaintances can be cool, we can have fun, and even share ourselves but at this point in my life if you don’t know my full legal name we probably aren’t friends.
I never set out to be a solitary type, hell I like people! The older I get it would seem that being an Aquarian coupled with my quirky personality probably has a lot to do with it. I look back to high school and think damn, I knew a lot of people. I bopped around from group to group but rarely made deep connections. So much so that in the middle of my senior year when I decided school was a wrap, I just never returned, didn’t even clean out my locker…it was over. Recently thanks to technology and Facebook, I have reconnected with some folks from high school, several who have mentioned they were bothered that I just left and never said good bye. I admit that was bitchy of me.
However as I grow older I find myself yearning for those deeper connections but frankly it’s hard starting over with people at this stage in life. In many ways yapping on this blog is easier than doing the heavy lifting of making new friends. I find that it’s hard for me to say good bye to relationships that have outlived their shelf life. Just like I consider my friends to be ride or die, I too am a ride or die chick. If you are in my circle, it’s hard to get pushed out the circle yet I have been struggling with this and one relationship in particular. Only person still walking on planet earth who knows me better than this person is the Spousal Unit. Yet this person has hurt me, I don’t even know why…sometimes angry words would be better than silence. The reality is the relationship has been on life support for many years and logically I know it’s time to say good bye but I just don’t know how. Funny thing is if this were a romantic or business relationship I always know when it’s time to say good bye in those situations but friendships are harder.
So how do you know when it’s time to pull the plug and officially walk away from what used to be a good friend?