Saying good-bye

I have a confession that may seem almost startling for a blogger and writer who spends quite a bit of time sharing her life with perfect strangers but I am a pretty solitary gal. What does that mean? It means I have very few people I consider friends, don’t get me wrong I know plenty of people, hell I got over a hundred “friends” on Facebook. Over 900 people listen to my ranting’s on Twitter but when I say friend, I mean a ride or die person. In the past my ride or die crew consisted of the folks who were with me through the trials and tribulations of my first marriage crashing and burning and the ensuing custody battle, the illness and unexpected death of my mother and all the other stuff in between.

The reality is outside of family members I have never had more than 4 or 5 people I consider friends, everyone else is merely an associate or acquaintance. Don’t get me wrong associates and acquaintances can be cool, we can have fun, and even share ourselves but at this point in my life if you don’t know my full legal name we probably aren’t friends.

I never set out to be a solitary type, hell I like people! The older I get it would seem that being an Aquarian coupled with my quirky personality probably has a lot to do with it. I look back to high school and think damn, I knew a lot of people. I bopped around from group to group but rarely made deep connections. So much so that in the middle of my senior year when I decided school was a wrap, I just never returned, didn’t even clean out my locker…it was over. Recently thanks to technology and Facebook, I have reconnected with some folks from high school, several who have mentioned they were bothered that I just left and never said good bye. I admit that was bitchy of me.

However as I grow older I find myself yearning for those deeper connections but frankly it’s hard starting over with people at this stage in life. In many ways yapping on this blog is easier than doing the heavy lifting of making new friends. I find that it’s hard for me to say good bye to relationships that have outlived their shelf life. Just like I consider my friends to be ride or die, I too am a ride or die chick. If you are in my circle, it’s hard to get pushed out the circle yet I have been struggling with this and one relationship in particular. Only person still walking on planet earth who knows me better than this person is the Spousal Unit. Yet this person has hurt me, I don’t even know why…sometimes angry words would be better than silence. The reality is the relationship has been on life support for many years and logically I know it’s time to say good bye but I just don’t know how. Funny thing is if this were a romantic or business relationship I always know when it’s time to say good bye in those situations but friendships are harder.

So how do you know when it’s time to pull the plug and officially walk away from what used to be a good friend?

6 thoughts on “Saying good-bye

  1. We are a lot alike in this way. Other than 2-3 people (not counting relatives and my DH) I’ve not been friends with people over the long run. I think of it as a character flaw, but I could be wrong.

    I’ve cut people out of my life when they’ve truly hurt me: abandoned me at a critical moment, became too painful to hang out with because of differing views, or because they lied about something of substance. A couple became too needy for me to support. A few have made their way back into my life, but most have not.

    Only you can make the decision when the time comes, and there’s really no good or easy way to do it. If they are strong enough you can be honest; or if they are not you have to be more subtle. Sometimes you just have to stop taking their calls.

    Good luck on this. In my old age I’ve found that I’m not as extraverted as the tests say. I like to be alone, and I get tired of being the energy well others come to for a fill up.

  2. I’m a lot like you are, that ride or die kind of chick. My circle is very small. I had to pull the plug on a friend of over 40 years. We grew up together, went to the same schools, maid of honor in each others wedding. She betrayed me, told my inner most thoughts to other people and it circled back to me. What kind of friend does that? Uses your hurt and pain for gossip. I just cut her off cold turkey.
    I agree with Tracy, sometimes, you just have to stop taking their calls.

  3. Wow, how amazing that I should come here, on this day feeling those exact feelings? I don’t have an answer for you, either. I have always flown solo, even when surrounded by “friends”. I am alone figuratively in a foreign country, but if I return to the states, I question my ability to rekindle some of those relationships… I hang on to my unit, my sisters and just let go…

  4. I don’t even know the answer – but in such a similar situation that your post almost floored me. I’m a Leo, and the circle is a small one here too. Got to be a die-hard, old-gold friendship to be in that circle, and there are a few, including the spouse since age 15. Life support. Yep, I hear you. So yeah, don’t even know. Hope you find your answers, hope I do too.

  5. And letting is go of a friendship is so much harder than a romantic relationship, especially for us Twin, you know how we are with our true friends. But I had to do it recently and it want not fun. It was rather depressing to lose a friend and a husband around the same time. After our epic blow-up in ’09, we still kinda hung out but I could tell that things weren’t going to be the same. Then we just drifted apart. And although I have gotten better at my patience and have been learn to be more empathic, I’m not kissing anyone’s ass to be their friend. Fuck that! I have had friends longer than she and I have said some outta line shit to them and we have maintained our friendship through the years.
    And since I don’t know the about the friendship do you really have to say goodbye? Depending on the circumstances and you can just become acquaintances.

Comments are closed.