Reflection in the midst of busy

Is it just me? I swear the years are flying by, seems like only yesterday it was January, where the heck did the time go? Here we are in December, thick in the midst of the holiday madness, where finding time to just think and be is harder to find. Yet for someone whose rhythms now follows the seasons, it is a time to reflect on what worked and what didn’t work and what do I want to change?
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This year has been a trip! In many ways this was a year where I have just learned to be me, where I got comfortable using my voice, where saying no to any and all things that didn’t work for me became a way of life. Oh, there has been plenty of collateral damage, many who decided that the new and improved me, just didn’t work for them! That is okay, I am comfortable being me.
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I started this year in a dark place, crumbling finances, crumbling marriage and a general sense that I needed to do more than talk or write about change. I actually needed to do it! I did it! My finances are no longer in critical condition; instead they are in serious but stable condition. The marriage is a work in progress, relationships are fluid, not static and when two people decide to share a life together they both have to be willing to accept that fluidity. In the end I have a best friend for life regardless of what legal status we have slapped on us and that is more important to me than a label.
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Professionally I continue to grow and thrive and wonder what the future holds, I am supposed to be working on my application for grad school this month, but with all that is happening at work, wondering if this should be tabled.
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Like many I struggle with my body image, weight has been gained, in recent months I have stabilized but haven’t lost more than a few pounds. I admit this is a hard one for me; it’s easier to love me when the numbers on the scale read somewhere in the 130’s to 140’s. Though I have been telling myself living in the 150’s isn’t bad. I am striving to find why do I place such a premium on seeing lower numbers? Is it society, is it me? The truth is I am far more flexible and limber than ever, pushing my body more on the yoga mat, one step at a time.
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Learning to love and cherish myself was the overarching theme this past year and I suspect it will continue into 2012 as well as I contemplate taking some risks. Risks that will make me vulnerable but risks that I have determined if they come together will be the pieces that complete me.
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So in the midst of winter madness, I strive to find the quiet moments and places to take stock of my life and my future. What about you? Do you find the quiet moments in this season of busy? If not, why not?

One Response
  1. December 10, 2011

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