Marriage…no, it’s not that simple

I have thought long and hard about how personal I really want to be in this space considering that I am no longer anonymous. I am fortunate that for the most part the thoughts and opinions expressed in this space don’t bother my employer. That said, since I may not always be with this employer, I am starting to think more about what I actually share, especially after one of my closest friends shared with me that during a recent credit and background check for an apartment her now landlord pulled up her twitter account. Yikes!

Yet I am an open and honest person and so I figure if you know me offline eventually you will know who I am. That said, something I read earlier really bugged me, like really pissed me off especially as I am dealing with some pretty deep shit. The words of wisdom that set me off came from an unmarried woman, a good decade younger than me that shared that the key to staying married is simply to never get a divorce…ever! If only it were simple, but hey let’s check back in after you do a few years being married.

The truth is my marriage is struggling. It has been on struggle mode for quite a while now. The funny thing is the Spousal Unit and I love, adore and cherish each other and we are truly each other’s best friend. I trust the man with my life and can’t imagine that will ever change. Despite the fact we are struggling, we still spend most of our time with each other because we enjoy it. Even in the midst of our struggles we have taken to joking we should change our respective Facebook relationship statuses to “complicated” since it really is a complicated situation.

The first time I married at 18, I knew nothing and was woefully unprepared to be married as was my first husband. So it was no shock when our marriage erupted in flames, we were a toxic heady mix, and nothing could have saved that union. Even our now almost 20 year old son over the years has acknowledged that his Dad and I were probably not a good fit. Yet we had youthful dreams and hopes.

Second time around I wasn’t a kid and knew marriage was work and figured if we worked hard together that the marriage would always be strong. Funny thing about life to use my favorite quote from John Lennon “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans”. Turns out in the real world, a couple can be strong, in love but still have issues that make them incompatible.  There is no secret to staying married, and anyone who tells you otherwise is shitting you.  I say that with 14 years of marriage under my belt and being the offspring of a couple that did 31 years until death parted them.

I have no idea what our future holds, at this point we take it day by day, and take the good with the ugly. Yet we both had a great laugh when I shared the so-called keys to staying married that I stumbled across, if only it were that easy. Life is messy and when you combine lives it gets even messier.  Or shall we just say it’s complicated.

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  1. January 30, 2012
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