Well it’s a new day and a new year…hey there 2013! Like many others I have spent the past few days thinking about what I want out of 2013 and I must confess that I have decided I should just say no to official resolutions/goals. In past years, I have written out these extravagant lists of all the things that I wanted to do in a new year and in most cases; it was an exercise in futility.
Let’s see on December 31, 2011, I wrote in my journal that I wanted to:
Be financially secure
Get over my fear and dislike of driving
Walk in faith & trust God more
Well I am happy to report that I lost a whopping 5 pounds in 2012, but my body is stronger than ever before. I can actually move it, twist it around and feel good about that. That might actually be better than being a size 4, since I have been skinny before and it ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Wellness is more than a number or skinny.
Financial security??? My needs for each and every day were met, maybe not always the way I wanted but most certainly the way I needed.
Driving? I still hate it and avoid it whenever I can and somewhere in 2012, I stopped feeling bad about it as evidenced by the fact that I am okay openly discussing it. We all have our gifts and mine is not driving, I have a healthy survival instinct and a scared driver can be a bad driver.
That last one is a bit trickier, for the first time in forever, I went to church when I felt like it and it felt good. It’s far nicer than going because you feel obligated. I gave up mandatory Sunday church services where I started to feel like all I was doing was marking time and instead spent more time studying the Bible and other sacred texts.
After looking at last year’s list and realizing that nope, just like most years no progress was made, it dawned on me that I no longer need a list to live. I have done that and in my late 20’s and early 30’s, those lists had some value. However becoming Executive Director of a non-profit by 30 didn’t mean nearly as much as I thought it would when at 31, my mom passed away unexpectedly. While crossing college and grad school off my list of must do’s was nice, living life is far nicer.
I won’t lie; I do have some things that I would love to do this year, among them, finishing up the wicked expensive dental work, visiting my father in law and father in their respective states. As well as going to a weekend retreat for women of color at Kripalu and a few other things. Yet the reality is life happens and the best thing I can resolve to do is be present for every moment of it. When I am intentional and present for each and every moment that is the best gift that I can give myself in 2013. So no resolutions for me, I resolve to just live this journey to the best of my ability and meet it wherever it takes me.