In the perfect world, nothing bad would ever happen to us, things would go “our” way and this ride we call life would be a Southern California commute sans the traffic. Sadly, life doesn’t work that way at all, sometimes unjust and unfair shit happens to the so-called “good” people and shit never sticks to the “bad” people.
It’s real easy when in the midst of a shit storm to focus on the inherent unfairness of life but the truth is that never feels good long term. It may feel good in that moment of intense frustration but for me, it just adds to the cloud of darkness that loves to find me in these moments and it’s all downhill from there.
However if there is one lesson that life has taught me, it’s that life’s unexpected crisises are the moments when clarity arrives. When we are forced to acknowledge that life isn’t what we want but that if we are wise and play the hand dealt to us, there is immense beauty despite the pain. Simple beauty found in the quiet spaces and the tender moments, moments when your child wakes up and greets you with a big snaggletooth smile. Moments when hugs come when you least expect them and most need them.
I am walking a tightrope as I balance the emotional with the practical, nothing like the “no” of a nameless bureaucrat to briefly send one over the edge in this new reality. Yet just as I was falling over in a fit of passive aggressive rage this morning, grace caught me by the cuff and pulled me back over. I can’t say that I won’t fall over that edge again because I am human but I can only hope that the hands of grace and mercy will continue to surround me unseen yet hovering over me.
Right now though in this moment, I am thankful for the clarity to separate the wheat from the chaff and to know what matters most. To lie down all that hinders me and keeps me locked in battle with my ego and pumped up on false pride…away with you for this moment. I know you will be back again soon but for now I sit present and in this moment.