For the past several years despite the fact that the official New Year starts on January 1, for me the new year seems to start on my birthday which is this weekend. I have spent the past several days doing a lot of reflecting on the past year and really the past decade…as I have said before they were the best of times and the worst of times. As I type this post my father is literally en route to Maine where he will land in the next several hours to start a new chapter of his life. In some ways his moving here will be the start of a new chapter in my own life and not just the fact that my Dad is temporarily shacking at my house.
For months now I have been acutely aware that something was amiss in my life, I am short tempered, grumpy, achy and generally speaking not very happy. I have come to realize that a great deal of my unhappiness or general frustration in life is rooted in my job but actually it goes deeper than that. Like many folks I have spent a great deal of my life assuming that if only I reached the XYZ goal I would be happy. After all so many of us still think that happiness is a good job, good partner, kids, etc and while these can be good things the truth is they won’t necessarily bring us happiness.
Lately my happiness has come in those quiet moments often when I can be alone with my thoughts and can actually just be present in the moment. I find when I can fully engage in the moment and be present with those near me; it’s when I feel the most peace and happiness. To aid on my quest to live in the moment I have started to rely more and more on yoga and specifically yoga nidra. I am a very anxious person having been diagnosed with my first full on panic attack at 19, living with anxiety is no fun and yet this past year as I have dabbled with yoga for the first time I have found relief from the anxious thoughts that often plague me.
Getting some relief from the anxiety has allowed me to go deeper inside and try to figure out what the hell is that I really want in life? Drum roll please….after what feels like a lifetime working in the non-profit sector I want to leave to become a life coach. See, I worked with a life coach several years ago and recently realized that every goal I set with my coach I have accomplished. I have also since learned that most of those goals when reached weren’t nearly the game changer I thought they would be.
I admit I was initially skeptical of working with a life coach but in the end it was a valuable experience and one that frankly I think can be valuable for many women of color. So many of my sistas of color are stressed and frankly on the hamster wheel chasing what we think we want and need yet most of us are anxious balls waiting to explode. It’s no coincident that many sistas in my life including my own mother started on the high blood pressure meds at the age I am now…
Anyway that’s what up with me as I head into a new year of life and I will be writing more about my future plans as they unfold. Yet after talking with a dear friend over dinner last night I decided to make my plans public.