Accepting My Limits

This is a rare week that I have off from work, I love the end of the year since with my job it’s time off without me having to use up my vacation time since we are closed. Granted I still have to make sure certain issues are addressed but an hour or so of work every couple of days is still a vacation.

Now that the holidays are done with and I have some time off, I have time to catch my breath and think…no good ever comes from thinking. Anyway, I have had to face the fact that while its been a great money saver to take girl child out of fulltime daycare, fact is it’s really not working for us. There are days I like to pretend I am a stay at home Mom but the fact is my job is pretty damn intense. Yes, my schedule is flexible to some degree but the reality is the last few months I feel stretched….the result is the girl child has learned to play by herself. Big yes to that! The downside is she is an official television junkie.

Now, I have never been anti-tv but I believe in moderation. Problem is when the Spousal Unit and I are thigh high in work that pays the bills, the fact is there is little time to do all that nifty creative stuff I dreamed about back in late summer when I hatched this plan to save money by taking her out of childcare.

Yeah, she goes to preschool three mornings a week, but just as I am hitting my work stride it’s time for the girl to come home and then two hours later I put in appearance at my office. Then there are dance days and then days like today when nothing is going on and the Spousal Unit and I juggle the child and our work. The end result is I look forward to her bed time the way a prisoner looks forward to their release date. All this time together has resulted in a lot of good times as a family but it’s also come at the expense of the quality of our work. My personal work style is rather peculiar and when I am in a grant cycle which I will be in soon, I need a lot of time to work and think.

We are looking at the possibility of seeing an increase in our income and while I want to save it all, remember I want to get out of debt. I am also thinking 3 days a week back at her former center will save my sanity and ensure that I get my work done so I can stay employed. Mind you my employer is very happy with my efforts at the moment but I know me and know that I am burning out. The thing is elder boy graduates from high school in a few short months and college is the next stop, being a single income family is not in our cards. So one could say I have the best of both worlds, since I have a job I love that is pretty flexible.

But the fact is while I grapple to accept my limitations, I cannot help but feel a tad like a bad Mama for even thinking of sending the girl child back to daycare but I am at the end of my rope. Hey, guess this is what being an adult is all about, accepting your reality and making the best choices you can.

  1. December 29, 2009
  2. December 29, 2009
  3. December 30, 2009