A mama’s heart…where I pretend to do that Mama blogger thing

There are times when a Mama’s heart is so filled with emotions that it wants to explode. To choose to bring a new life into the world is to sign up for a lifetime of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. As a Mama who straddles the line having both an adult child and a school age tyke, I am constantly amazed when my fellow parenting pals seem stunned that I still worry and parent my now 21- year-old. Of course I do; my job didn’t end when he turned 18 or 21. Like my mother before me, this parenting gig only ends when I die. Otherwise I am ride or die for life. That said, the parenting my 21- year-old gets is far different than what my 7-year-old gets.

However, today for a moment, it was a rare occurrence that for once I was speechless for both my babies. This morning started like any other, except that I had gone to bed late last night since I was up dealing with day job work. This meant that I was a tad grumpy this morning but really I am just grumpy in general in the mornings. Only this morning, I got to ride the grumpy bus and the Mama emotional bus as the Man Unit came back from taking the 7-year-old to school and solemnly announced that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny both died this morning. Our 7-year-old killed them and he was the one who called it…death to magical symbols of childhood to many.

I am sad to say that my initial reaction was less than joyous in fact it was downright pissy. But as the Man Unit explained how our girl had asked him a direct question on the matter, he had no choice but to answer in absolute truth. I am happy to say that after much discussion this afternoon and evening, the girl child is happy to still pretend because it is magical but she just wanted to know what was real or not. Besides Mama admitted that she too believes in magic, sometimes those fairies and angels do seem real.

She is my last baby; my womb will never bring forth a new life. It is bittersweet at times but it is my reality and I strive to accept it and for the most part, I do. However I want to savior each and every moment of her childhood because I know this is it for me. This stage of Mama-dom will never come again. They grow up too damn fast.

On the flip side, my son, my amazing young man, the child born out of my youth and first love is soaring and following his heart. For the past three weeks he has been touring on the road with a musician he has long looked up to. After much finagling with his college to get the time off, he set off for the west coast and has had a whirlwind experience but the best is yet to come as he does two showcases tomorrow night at the much hyped South by Southwest event in Austin, Texas.  In fact as I sat down to write this post, who sent his mama a text describing the scene? Yet another reminder that the sacred bond between mother and child, if healthy, is rarely broken. It may have its ups and downs and its growing pains but it’s always there.

So, I take a break from my crazy hazy life to actually live up to my label as a so-called “mommy” blogger and share some thoughts before I get plugged back into the matrix.  If you have kids, hold em tight and love em because the moments pass too damn quickly.

5 thoughts on “A mama’s heart…where I pretend to do that Mama blogger thing

  1. Lovely vignettes. I wonder if your man-unit is related to my family. My father is the only one I ever knew who used the term Killed Santa Claus and Easter Bunny. I killed Santa Clause at age 8. An older friend told me that Santa wasn’t real and it was the parents. On Christmas Eve I lay awake with what I now “knew” and didn’t want to know. My father opened the door and called out to my much older siblings and mom, She’s asleep, we can get started! When I called him on it the next day, he roared with laughter and announced that I had killed Santa Claus. My baby brother snuck down early one Easter a few years later, and saw baskets on the dining room table at like 4 AM. When we actually came down later he mentioned the discrepancy, again. my father roared with laughter, announced the death of the Easter Bunny. Little brother killed the Easter Bunny. My father repeated it all day with great delight. We were not traumatized. We just were growing up and that was it.

    Bittersweet your little one getting there but she seems to be wearing it with pride and power. College-boy – touring with a musician! Wow! I wish him the best. You should be very proud. T.

  2. A few years back I realized my kids wouldn’t need me to carry them, wouldn’t need me to nurse them, to cuddle them, forever. Yes they will likely always love and honor me and call or text or come get in my lap – they still do that and one is almost as tall as me. I have reflected on that quite a bit and looked to see how I can “mama” other people. You know be that woman who is kind and loving and who cooks and cares for et cetera. Other children have a way of making their way into my life, anyway – including the neighborhood kids who are thick as roaches around here most days! It is an honor to be “mama” and it is not just a job relegated for my own bio kids.

    I’m so glad both your kids have the mom they do.

  3. I can’t imagine any of my kids being 21. Feels good to believe in magic…makes you feel good and warm inside. I feel you on being grumpy in the mornings. I’m not a morning person at all. Congrats to your son for getting to follow one of his dreams.

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