It wasn’t my intention to write another post similar to the last one but this morning while doing my daily prayer and meditation, I had a bit of an epiphany. I must stop comparing myself to others especially as it relates to parenting, its really starting to drive me crazy.
See, I spend a lot of time on-line. Back when I worked in an office or shelter (actually even at the homeless shelter I had an office), I could stop and take a break and chat at the water cooler or at someone else’s desk but seeing as how I work at home, that’s not really an option unless I want to wander upstairs and chat with the spousal unit who is hard at work in his office. No, what I do when I need to take a break is surf blogs and discussions boards, the past year or so I have become completely enamoured of crafty/Mom blogs. Oh, I love checking out blogs of crafty chicks who are either making gorgeous handicrafts or amazing meals every day from scratch. Don’t get me wrong, I do the cook from scratch thing except in many cases I keep my meals simple, I make a homemade soup but buy the bread from the store, you get the picture.
In some cases reading about the lives of others inspires me to try my hand at something different, like tonight I am making spaghetti from scratch but too many times I end up feeling inadequate especially when I end up talking to some of my local Mama buddies who don’t use childcare to work (yeah, the plans to take mini-me out of daycare went up in smoke, no way I can get my work done effectively so she is still in preschool/daycare 3 days a week) yet they seem to have the patience of a saint with their kids and still create beautiful meals from scratch when by Wednesday I am drained and ordering sushi for dinner.
No, sometimes comparing ourselves to others can create havoc and at this stage in life, I just don’t need it so I have decided to limit my blog surfing to Black or political issues, as a fairly uncrafty person why kill myself to be what I am not. Sort of how at the beginning of spring I had planned a large garden but when a good chunk of work fell in my lap, I had to give that up but truthfully digging in dirt is not my thing.
The good thing about getting old and with 36 only a few months away, I am getting older, its time to accept myself for who I am, and not some made up fairy tale version. Truth is I am not the most patient mama in the world and while I love reading to mini-me, after 15 minutes I get tired of playing in the floor with the little one and you know what, that’s ok. Elder boy at almost 17 seems happy and well adjusted and I rarely played in the floor with him and Lord knows my own folks didn’t get down and dirty with either me or my brother and we are ok.
So as we start a new season with the arrival of fall, maybe its a good time to survey your life and see what you can do to better love and accept about yourself. After all life is too short to strain to be what you are not..
I know it’s late, but I only found your blog today LOL. I so get this ‘acceptance’post!It’s bad enough living in South Africa where we lack some goods, let alone comparing myself to other SHAMs who have had the opportunity to learn how to sew etc. I was really bringing myself down by comparing myself . So I decided to stop before I depressed myself!I’ll just stick to finding the cheapest, best quality clothes in a normal shop ha ha
I thought it was interesting that you mentioned how you were comparing yourself to crafty moms who stay at home. I am very crafty, but many times I find myself comparing myself to other crafty women, especially on the blogs. It’s amazing how much pressure I put on myself to keep up with so-and-so, even when our skill levels and life situations differ. I tend to compare myself to women who have the privilege of staying at home and can crank out garment after garment on their sewing machines. I think to myself, “Well if I didn’t have to work, I could spend more time perfecting my skills like so-and-so.” Then I have to realize that, for everything that I do (work full-time, make long commutes, lead dance ministry, do for myself), I’m actually doing pretty well and should thank God for the extra time I do have to focus on my hobbies. I realize that I don’t have to be the best at everything.
I started reading your post and the first thing I said to myself was, “See, why can’t you do some kind of daily prayer and meditation?” kicking myself because no matter how I try, it just doesn’t come naturally. In the last couple of months, I’ve come to realize that no matter how much I’ve aspired to over the years, I’m not that much of a spiritual/religious person. Oh, yes, my intuition is intact but I can’t really say what I believe about God and what I believe about spirituality. And this seems to be the main reason why even though I think it is great to pray and meditate, I can’t seem to get into a good practice. I so admire those who can though but I’ve finally let myself off the hook. Maybe one day I’ll be that but today, I’m not. And that’s okay, I’m trying to convince myself.
It’s extremely difficult for me not to compare myself to others. It has been some serious training for me psychologically because I grew up with parents who never seemed please with me . . . they always compared me to someone else and I never measured up. In their eyes, I don’t think I ever will. I just had to learn the hard way that each person is just so unique that there really is no comparison. Oh, I’m still competitive in a lot of ways but winning/losing is not a reflection of self-worth. Because you are always worthy by virtue of being you. It is a hard lesson to learn and remember especially in this society. Especially as a Black person. Especially as a woman.
It’s funny because I am fairly crafty. Sometimes I read folks’ political/news blogs/posts (sometimes yours) and I’m amazed at how sharp and analytical people are. Sometimes the convos get so heady I don’t even think I can even keep up . . . I revert to reading only crafty blogs (what some would consider fluff) because let’s face it, no one ever revolutionized the world knitting a sweater–it’s never that complicated at least not to me! No point making my head hurt, though. I know where I’m comfortable. So I’m with ya.
And sometimes I have to unplug altogether because staying in the cyber world, where people make up stuff to make themselves seem uber perfect, reading that all the time . . . has a tendency to make you feel inadequate. It would have to.
Anyway, you summed it up brilliantly “life is too short to strain to be what you are not.”
Touche.
Hey there!
You are right!
We can not compare ourselves to others in order to make an assessment of ourselves.
We need to understand OUR OWN strengths and our gifts and celebrate our wonderfulness and recognize that everything will not be our forte. And that is okay.
I don’t need to be extraordinary at doing everything under the sun.
(smlies)
Lisa