Sex is just sex, got it?

Catchy title? Heh. No seriously, between reading various blogs and some women I know in real life, I just feel like saying something to all my sistern regardless of race.

I’m a old married woman (nah, I am not that old but it just sounded nice to say that). I have been married twice, first time was for half a second and this marriage will be 11 years this fall, 13 years total that we have been together. Between discovering my sexuality early shall we say, and between husbands, lets just say that I learned a few things about the menfolks. First thing is just because a man hits the sheets with you means nothing, no seriously.. men rarely turn down the goodies. Much like offering a kid a freeze-pop on a hot day, if you tell a man come on over to your place after a meal, and slip into a sexy nightie and make it clear you’d like to cuddle, probably 92 out of 100 heterosexual men will be all over that like flies on shit, no matter what race they are.

Now, when young women equate sex with love, part of me expects it.. Lawd knows I been there too. My issue is when women old enough to know better fall for the okie-doke, that’s when I feel like ripping my locks out. Better yet when a women gets pregnant by a man she has known all of a few months and then 2-3 years down the road when the sperm donor barely comes around and is MIA with the child support then the woman is crying the blues. I know, it takes two to tangle and yes a man should be a man and step up to the plate but the reality is having a kid with someone you don’t know is generally a bad idea and should the sperm donor turn out to be a asshole, why are you surprised? Shit like that, I suspect even Stevie Wonder could see coming.

No, I know a lot of women in their 30’s and 40’s still get caught up like this and I don’t know why? Now another blogger, Lisa at Black Woman Blow the Trumpet has a great series that delves into a lot of the issues that I suspect lead to Black women ending up in these sorts of situations. Other bloggers such as  OG and a few others have also touched on it as well but I just gotta say when will women realize not all sex is about love and commitment? Ideally in the perfect world we would all have sex within the confines of a committed loving relationship, yet that is not reality for many folks.

Instead women specifically have got to learn that in being empowered in a way that I hope I can get across to my own daughter as she grows up (see my Girl Power post) that its ok to just have sex for no other reason than they choose to do so. Yet it takes being emotionally healthy and balanced to get to that place where we can admit our needs and own it and feel good about it but I think if women can get to that place, there will be a lot less women running around thinking that every man they sleep with is the one. Sometimes you don’t need the ONE, sometimes you need the one that is available right now and a healthy and mature woman understands the difference.  A woman who can get to that place is a woman who will not find herself caught up in bullshit but instead will own up to her part in a messy situation without throwing blame.

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