Someone’s child, someone’s mama

Unless you have been under a rock for the past 48 hours, surely you have heard the news of Whitney Houston’s untimely demise at the tragically young age of 48. I have to admit that I was not much of a fan of Houston’s music, it was more that her music served as the soundtrack of my life from my early teen years on.  I remember when she burst onto the music scene, she had an amazing voice but I think more importantly to me as a young Black girl, a woman who was my color who people clearly saw as gorgeous. So while I can’t tell you all her songs aside from the one that I swear for a number of years were sung at every graduation. I did admire the hell out of her.

Sadly, as time went on Houston made some choices that may or may not have been great. She was pretty upfront over the years in admitting she battled drug addiction and I will speculate like many that her marriage to Bobby Brown probably was not the best choice, but it’s not my place to judge.

Interesting thing though once news broke of her death and it was clear this was the real deal, media reaction has been interesting to say the least. Many feel justified in calling her a “crack head” or having no pity because she made the choices she did. For starters it’s too early to know if her addictions played a role in her passing and if they did the reality is addiction is an illness, just like cancer or diabetes. Yet for some reason when we learn someone’s “choices” did them in, we feel like there is no need for compassion.

I admit as a non-fan fan, I had no intention of writing anything about her passing until I read a report that her 18 year old daughter collapsed and needed to be rushed to the hospital less than 24 hours of finding out her Mom died. That broke my heart, see Bobbi Kristina is a member of the club I joined almost 8 years ago. It’s called the motherless daughter club and while if natures plays out the way it should, eventually all of us will lose our mothers before we die, the fact is our relationships to our mothers are often one of the longest ones we will ever have. Owing to the fact that women typically outlive men. Most of us if we are fortunate don’t even have to start imaging a life without our mom until we are damn near middle aged or older.

Losing your Mom early though fucks with you, see Moms whether they are loving and our best friends or evil hags that we loathe, serve as a compass in our own development. For women, Moms are either a mirror image we strive to be like or an image we run far the hell away from. Yet when your Mom is gone and you are still learning yourself, it’s a hard road without that compass. So when I heard that Bobbi Kristina collapsed I thought, of course she did, fuck, I nearly lost my shit when my Mom died and I didn’t have news reports blasting it 24/7….poor girl, I can only imagine.

Add in the fact that Whitney’s own Mom is still alive, I know from seeing my own Grandma when my Mom passed, that to lose your child, fucks with the natural order of things. When you bring a child in this world, provided you are well adjusted mentally and emotionally, you typically want the best for them. That would include said child living longer than you. Burying your child breaks you.

So think whatever we want of the choices Whitney may or may have not made despite her fame and wealth, she was more than a pop star. Hell, she was someone’s child and someone’s mama and while her passing may be fodder to us to pass the time away, I can assure you that to her mother and daughter, what they feel is a pain that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

3 thoughts on “Someone’s child, someone’s mama

  1. Being a motherless daughter – my mom died from cancer when I was 15, and also losing my oldest son at the age of 19, I can understand both of their pain and sorrow right now. My heart goes out to both of them.

  2. There was a time when media remembered that the people there are grieving families and that they should respect their process. I feel so sorry for Bobbi Kristina. They are treating her mother’s death like it is an event, not like it is the loss of a loved one – not like it was her mom but like it is an event. The callusness is overwhelming. I change the channel to stop the constant reminders and the insinuations. I can only imagine what it must feel like for her.

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