Got fear?

I have a confession, I am really scared. Scared personally because after almost 13 years the spousal unit and I are going through a rough patch, nah its not so serious that a breakup is coming but for two easy going folks, its been a rough year.

I am scared financially, because well the past year and a half we have now lost close to over 30K in income but my bills haven’t dropped so every month I am playing that rob Peter to pay Paul game. Truth is I am not sure how much more we can endure financially, but I am going to remain upbeat and have faith that the tide will turn soon.

Yet the biggest fears that are nagging at me daily is around the election. See, living in Maine as a Black woman is not exactly a cakewalk and leaving is not a reality anytime soon. I have tried working the numbers for an escape sooner rather than later, and its just not happening. Don’t get me wrong, the place has grown on me but at same time, I wouldn’t mind being some place where there were more folks that looked like me.

Nope, I am scared about what happens if Obama wins. On another site I hang out at, another Black woman living in a fairly white state articulated perfectly what has been lying beneath the surface with me that I have been to scared to name. Will I face a backlash if he is elected? See, while Sarah Palin has been practicing  for her next gig as the Grand Klan Dragon or whatever they call the leader of the Ku Klux Klan, I have been wondering will average folks of color like myself feel the wrath of angry white folks should their man and woman lose?

Don’t get me wrong, I damn sure don’t want McCain-Palin to win (yet another fear) but I wonder will we see increased incidents of violence by folks whose passions have been inflamed thanks to the Hate Express?  I hope not but truth be told, I think violence is likely. I think should Obama lose violence is also a reality in large cities. Don’t even let us endure another election season with hi-jinx with the votes… I see riots and violence the likes we have not seen since the 1960’s being a real possibility.

Yet in the midst of my own petty fear, I am reminded of the ancestors and those who blazed the path before me and millions of others, a path that allowed for a little Black girl from Chicago to even end up in Maine. When I stop and reflect on the fact that as my Pops reminded me yet again last night that he grew up drinking from the colored water fountain, picking cotton in rural Arkansas, I am reminded that while my fear is real, its nothing compared to what those before me faced.

So, while I do have some fear for what will happen come November 5 in this country, I am going to hold to the faith that millions of others before me had that allowed them to rise up and hope for a better tomorrow.

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