It will be 4 years this summer since I started this blog, it started off really as a way to talk about my life in Maine and see if maybe I could find a few other Black folks in Maine or near Maine. However over the course of time this space has evolved, I guess I am officially a memoir blogger since basically most of this space is about me and my journey through life. Along the way I started getting involved in other forms of social media as a way to connect with others.

I will say that honestly it’s been a great ride, but sometimes you have a day that makes you question everything. I have periodically taken blogging breaks when life is hectic, but last night I almost deactivated all my social media accounts and took down this blog and basically said fuck this shit!

This morning though I woke up in a calmer space and decided that I won’t let a few folks steal my joy. I have heard others say over the years that when you share your life in such a public way that it opens you up to criticism and I learned yesterday it is true. The details are unimportant though I will say it is true, and frankly it hurt. It hurt like hell.

I think sometimes we forget that we are dealing with real live humans on the other end and frankly while opening up may not be your thing, it’s no excuse to belittle others. I understand now why people are less inclined to share themselves and get raggedy in public, it makes others uncomfortable and well can open up a can of whatever.

I am still feeling raw but living authentically for me means taking the good with the bad. I don’t think sharing publicly makes you less of a person, or really says anything other than the fact we are a diverse group of people.

So yeah, someone stole my joy but I almost have it back, in the meantime I am a little raw.


The practice of being…just be

It’s vacation week up in my corner of the world, which means the 6 year old is on vacation and for once so am I since my schedule follows the school calendar. For the first time in forever I am actually taking time off minus a meeting the other night. One of my goals this week and really going forward is to simply enjoy each and every moment; having a much older child I am all too aware of how fast time goes when you are raising kids. Lately I have felt like I am on the hamster wheel and frankly I am tired of running.

That said in 2012, to do anything but run on that damn wheel feels like blasphemy, I mean we are all running on it. I am not a particularly woo-woo crunchy granola kind of gal, so it’s pretty much expected that I will run too. Yet let me tell you, it’s a lot harder than it sounds to just be. Multitasking and thinking ahead is such a part of our culture, hell even kids do it! I have taken lately to telling the 6 year old to enjoy the moment at hand.

I realized today while we were out in the big city of Boston for a trip to her favorite place how hard it is for both of us to live in the moment. The kiddo asked me numerous times was I going to take pictures. Aside from two shots, the answer was no. See, I am tired of documenting and narrating my/our life, the problem with the constant picture snapping, and sharing is that frankly I am missing the moment we are in. It’s wonderful to document special moments, but somewhere along the way we started documenting every damn moment and if we are constantly documenting it, how can we live it?  Then again, maybe it’s just me.

The past several months in my yoga practice I have really struggled with this concept of being, of letting go and just being in that moment, in that pose on the mat with no other thought other than that present moment. Yet now that I have experienced it a few times, it seems only natural to try and take it off the mat. My yoga teacher who is just amazing, often says the struggles we have on the mat are reflective of something we are struggling with off the mat. For me it is true. My inner voice is always focused on what I should do, what I shouldn’t do and so-on, frankly she is not a good friend and I have decided to part ways with her. Especially after I listened to her a few weeks ago and made an ass of myself.

So, I end this mid-week post with one thought, just be…practice being in the moment for a few minutes each day. The only moment of life that is truly guaranteed is the one we are actually in, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come, so live fully and completely in this moment.

Things I don’t get….sushi and staycations

Random thoughts as I revel in being more or less on vacation this week, oh sorry! It’s really just a staycation with a one day trip to Boston thrown in, can I tell how much  the word staycation annoys me? Frankly I think a broke hipster invented that word so that he/she would not have to think about how broke they were and how shitty it was that they really couldn’t get away. Everyone knows when you say you are doing a staycation that the reality is you are a member of the broke Phi broke club, so own up to your reality.

In other random stuff I think when I have time off, why is sushi suddenly the must eat food? Seriously? I eat sushi, but whenever I am eating it, I find myself thinking, this would be so much better if it was deep fried with a side of fries and some coleslaw. A few weeks ago for my birthday, a group of us got together and everyone had sushi except for me and one other pal. I always love how excited die hard sushi eaters look as they gear up to eat, but truthfully I lack that enthusiasm for sushi. Sushi to me is like tuna casserole, I occasionally like it but let’s not make this a regular thing unless I use a shit load of wasabi.

There was a brief period of time when I thought I really liked sushi, until I realized I was basically eating it to clear my sinuses with the amount of wasabi I used. At that point, I decided to accept the fact that I am not one of the cool kids….pass me some fried fish please?